S/O on Family Help

I have told DH not to take time off from work, until both myself and the twins are released from the hospital - because he only has one real week. So I know that I will need him since I'll be healing from a c/s and I want him there to bond.

But my own mother, who is 69 years old, has offered to come in the afternoons to help. If nothing else, to watch the babies while I get a nap in. And I definitely plan to take her up on that.

I have one DS who goes to Pre-K, so this isn't my first baby(ies)... but am I going to be in trouble if I spend my first half of my day w/o any help? I keep thinking it's a non-issue, but am I unrealistic?

 

I'm kind of in the same boat. DH only gets 2 weeks. I also have a toddler so I feel like I can kind of anticipate some of it. At least I don't think I'll be as jumpy about the babies crying and needing to get to them immediately. If you are being unrealistic then we can be there together!!

 

I'm in the same boat.. my husband only gets 10 days off and we don't have any family in the area, and none that plan on coming to help. I also have a 2 year old that's home with me all day.. I don't think you are unrealistic at all, you'll be able to do it!!

 

I dont think you are unrealistic.

My DDs were in NICU for 4 & 5 weeks-- I recovered from a Csection. I had DH and my mom here for 3 weeks after they came home---so I had help until about their due date. After that I was solo for 40+ hours a week while DH was at work. I had 2 preemies on apnea monitors/meds/appointments--it was busy, crazy, but doable. I enjoyed my time with the babies and felt sleep deprived, but not totally overwhelmed. DH and I took turns running errands in the evening and it all worked out. My house was a mess---but they were on the same schedule so I slept when they did.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

 

You can do it. DH took off 4 weeks, but he was on "vacation." He went fishing, made all sorts of appts with our new investment planner, and just annoyed the heck out of me. I was ready for him to go back to work so I could get into my own groove with the boys. And that was good. We had our moments where things got tough, but all in all it wasn't "that bad." I was also on leave over the summer, so we got out everyday to go on walks or to sit under a tree and have them get fresh air and look at the leaves blowing in the wind.

The only thing that I lacked was my confidence in myself. Once you get that confidence built, you'll feel so much more comfortable.

 

My dh had a coupl weeks off but he was kept busy with getting our house finished and he did lots with the big kids. We had NO help otherwise and I have survived. It just made me set routines from the start which are still in place now.

Good luck! You an do it!!

 

I won't have any help when the babies come home either. Dh works full time and can't take time off, and my mom also works full time. It'll be just me and the babies. I figure the first few months will be hard, but hopefully it will get easier after that!!!

 

I had my DH for a few days but that was it. It was a bit crazy trying to get older son to preschool and sleep was minimal but you will be okay. I would take your mom up on the afternoon help and SLEEP while she is there! Good luck!

 

You can for sure do it!!!

I came home from Iraq when DW had them early.

I was able to be off work for a bit after DS came home afte his NICU stay, but now I am back at work since DD came home 21 days after him.

I feel totally guilty about leaving her when I go to work, but I make sure I come home and take over the minute I arrive.

Hoepfully your DH will want to be totally involed and take some of the daily pressure off of you when her gets home.

 

Now that I'm not NAK, I can reply a bit better - that quote above is TOTALLY what our life is. DH comes home and immediately after washing up he has a babe in arms. Then he walks around with one of our sons and helps the other kids with homework, jammies, teeth etc while I feed the other babe, then we switch off. I have done a few nights without him when he's worked night shifts and altho I've survived and made it thru, its definately easier just to have him around to be an extra pair of hands.

It makes a huge difference when you have a partner ready to help out - even if the day is stressful, knowing that you'll have that helping hand in a few hours makes a big difference.

 

The twins were our first and I found the hardest thing to be the sleep deprivation.
I would reach out to anyone/everyone who might be willing to do anything for you. Drop off a meal, run an errand, hold a baby while you shower, read books to your older child etc.

The best part of having help in the mornings for me was DH & I would hand the babies over (to my mom) at 6am and get to sleep a 4 hour stretch. We were exhausted and looked forward to those 4 hours.

With this pregnancy Im using somehting called "care calender" google it. I sent an email to EVERYONE who I thought might be remotely interested in offering a hand and my calender is suprisingly filling up. You may be suprised!

 

I am in luck - DH is totally hands on. He's so anxious he can't wait. I definitely hit the jackpot with him

 

The Google calendar is FAB idea!!!! I am going to try to use that idea if/when I end up on permanent bedrest (and I'm sure I will...I had bedrest with my singleton son starting at 24 weeks). I don't want my babies to be in the NICU, but maybe the only thing that will good about that is it will give me a bit more time to recover from my c-sec before they come home. All of my fam lives far away too...they are willing to help, but can't always come at the drop of a hat. I'm hoping to at least get a few weeks out of my mom, my sister, and my in-laws!

I DO think it helps having had another child. It's not the same as having twins, but at least we've experienced sleep deprivation, handling a NB and dealing with the 'crises' of infancy!

 

Holly, I had the girls on a Sunday and I was released on Tuesday. DH took Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off. But really only Monday because it was Grace's roughest day in the NICU and he did not want to go to work. So he probably would have just taken release day and the day after, had Grace been more stable.

When Lily was released (on a Saturday), he took no time off. My mom came that weekend, but she had to go home on Sunday night. I was solo with Lily that entire week, plus I worked about 20 hours. I was fine. DH and I swapped off evenings to go see Grace and one day I took Lily up there to see Grace.

Grace was released a week later (another Saturday) and my mom came that weekend too, but home on Sunday night. I was solo the first entire week. The next week DH went to work Monday and Tuesday. He took Wednesday through Friday of that week of and that was it. And Wednesday we had to go to U of My for 3 doctor's appointments, so I had to absolutely have help that day. But otherwise I did fine. I was alone with them the entire maternity leave, usually only had visitors/help on the weekend, and I survived. There were days that I was literally waiting near the door for DH to get home so I could just get out of the house (usually just to the store) but he was really good about that.

So in total, he took 6 days off, 3 early on and 3 a week and a half into them both being home. What helped immensely is that DH and I did sleeping shifts. I went to bed at 7pm, and he took the 7-1am shift. I took anything after 2am. He's a night owl, I'm a morning person, that worked for us. I never remember total sleep deprivation. I really just remember the 4-6pm witching hour(s) which is why I was sometimes waiting for him to get home so I could quickly escape.

 

Thanks for spelling that out Susan - very, very helpful

 

I'm glad that I found this thread. It's nice to know that other moms are struggling with the same issue. I've been worried about the fact that we will have little help when the twins arrive. My partner can definitely take a week off, but maybe no more than that. I'm more concerned about recovering from the c-section than managing newborn twins. It took 2 weeks for me to really be getting around well after my c-section with my daughter. I could be looking at a week or so of managing the twins and my daughter without much help.

My mom might be able to come out for 3-4 days to keep my daughter company while I'm in the hospital. If she can't come out, I could see about a post-partum doula. She seemed to assume that someone else would be helping. Her solution was that I should hire help during the day - with what money was my response? I know other moms here who would help, but I don't think I will be able to handle having additional children in the house. It would be good for my daughter (4) to have company, but more children in the house means more chaos and noise so I would be unlikely to rest while they were here.

I didn't have any help during the day after my daughter was born, so I have a small idea of what life will be like. I'm thankful that my daughter came first, so we have the benefit of having survived a high needs baby. She didn't sleep and I was pumping around the clock. It was crazy but we survived. We just assume that the twins will be all that times 2.

I am trying to remain calm and not worry about money and the possibility of bedrest and who will help with my daughter before and after the twins come. So much to worry about, must keep my stress down. It's wonderful to know that others have made it through alive.

 

Its funny, but I had never though about the timing of my dh's time off. He should be able to take 2 weeks off by April (due 16th), and hopefully, maybe a couple of weeks unpaid leave.
We have a 4 yr old and a 9yr old already.
Reading the other posts in this thread, I realised that it may be better for him to take a few days off when bubs are born, then rest of time when they come out of hospital?!

I really don't know and we also would deliver 2 hours from home if things go well, or 4 hours from home if bubs are too early!

I think that's the hardest part. The UNKNOWN.