Big ol mess!

Ok ...
I am ashamed to admit this but I need help with it.

My twin boys are wonderful. I love both of them with all my heart. One of the boys, Colton, had colic and my husband worked full time... sooo... mom would take Colton and I would take Chayton and we would get through the days like that. I didn't see the harm in it. I figured that when they got a bit older the colic would resolve and we could go back to co-exsisting in one house. Well now Colton is so attatched to mom that he freaks out when we have him! I know I did this to myself and I'm sure that no one else on here has be such a loser of a mom, but if you could help me figure out a way to straighten this out I would appreciate it.

As it turns out Colton's problem is more his temperment. Fun! lol

 

sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get through the day, don't you! :drown:

I think that to aclimate the boys back together and together with you guys... you just need to spend as much time with both of them. Make sure you have swings to settle them in, and try some of The Happiest Baby on the Block techniques... sushing (white noise), pacifiers/sucking, swaying (swings are great) etc. I hope you can get your boys settled back in together with you.

Can your mom come and be with you to help during the day? and then you'd have extra help and Colton would be able to still have your mom nearby...

good luck!

 

Aww, I'm sorry, I know that has to be frustrating & also has to hurt your feelings a bit too. He will readjust, just give it time. As soon as he realizes that you can take care of him just as well, he will stop freaking out. :hug:

 

You are not a loser, you did what you had to do to make sure each child's needs were taken care of. At this age they don't have really long term memory so he will adjust, I promise. Babies that age can change their preferences easily. My DD was always momma's girl initially. When she would get into one of her colicky fits I was the only one who could calm her down. I went back to work when they were 8 weeks and DH stays home...he was so worried about how he would handle her when I was gone. Not only did she adjust to being with him but now she is super attached to him. She will stare at him and smile even if I am holding her and will stop eating to follow him across the room with her eyes! Give it some time and he will know that you are the provider of all things good (food, comfort, sleep) Hang in there. :youcandoit:

 

You were coping as best you knew how and with twins sometimes that's just what you have to do. He will definitely adjust sooner rather than later and this will become a distant memory for you. Just stick with it and they are so young that in may only take a few days or a week to overcome this little problem. Keep us posted on the transition.

 

Thank you ladies! :hug: I am taking it one day at a time. Our biggest problem is his temper! Good lord! He is the total opposite of his brother.
It's like a knife in the heart when I am trying my best to soothe him by shushing and swaying and cooing to him in a soft voice and then my mom comes and picks him up and he quiets down. I am so grateful to her for her help and I DID ask for it, but I just feel like such a deadbeat now.
But I guess he's just going to have to get used to the fact that his place is with us. I have a feeling I'll be using the earplugs I bought for coping with DH's snoring!! lol

 

I'm not going to judge you, but sorry if I have to ask question to actually be able to wrap my mind around this one.

Do you work?

Does your Husband help with the kids? He doesn't get called "DH" otherwise.

Now...I agree with the other Women on here. There is nothing that can't be undone or fixed. It will all be ok...

But honestly...I am going to have to give a side note(or question). How were you able to actually do that?!?! I could not imagine seperating the 2. Many will think that, but few will say that.

Now...you are by far a horrible Mother or anything like that, so I am sure by posting this, you reconize the things.

You are gonna do great...just stay focused and understand that everything isn't going to be easy, and while you have your Mom there to help...you need to be a Mom to both(ALL the time)...and not just a Mom to one and Part-Time Mom to the other.

It will get better

 

I read somewhere that babies that young can only remember like the last 3 days of their life. So, you might need to do it cold turkey and NOT have your mom there to soothe him when he gets fussy, or he's just not going to adjust to you. Ainsley got very attached to just me and it really got bad around 4 months and continued to 12 months. Yes, DH was there and was a very involved father, but because I'm the SAHM and he wasn't there during most of the waking hours, she preferred me.

So, I would go cold turkey for a few days, have you be the sole caretaker. Certainly have your mom help once he's adjusted. Bea was very colicky for the first few months, I can relate.

 

Sounds like good advice...(man...I wish DW only had a 3 day memory..ha)

I was thinking the same thing about the whole Mom and Dad relationship. I would figure it would be hard enough for a kid to adjust to a working parent while they spent all day at home with the other parent.

My blunt answer....

Those are you boys. Be their Full-Time Mom...

 

You are far from a loser :hug: Your DS will adjust, it will be a rough adjustment period but you and he will get through it. Have some extra patience on hand and extra cuddles :hug:

 

I think it is wonderful that he will always have such a great bond with his grandmother. However, I also agree he will adjust. You could use some of the tips/tricks when kids go to daycare for the first time. He will soon learn that even if you do things differently, you still do them in a loving manner so that's ok. Good luck, you will get through this and he will soon coo at you the way he coos at grandma.

 

I am humbled by the replies and they echo my own thoughts. I am his mother and I cannot fail him.

I am HAPPY to report that all is well in the household. Colton is doing great and I seem to have figured him out. Chayton is bonding with bro... sometimes I even catch them holding hands and grinning at each other! We even were gifted an exersaucer and they love playing in it. When one is in it I'll sit on the floor and hold his brother in front of it too so they can play together.

I truly and sincerely appreciate all the feedback and the "tough love". I wish that I had access to a computer all the time so that I could get real-time help so that maybe I could have avoided this scenario all together, but I can only go forward. Your opinions really matter to me because you all know what its like.

As far as DH is concerned... he recently lost his job. He got called a half-breed (he's half Cherokee)and had the nerve to take offense. The guy that called him that has had it out for him ever since he filed a complaint. So needless to say we have been under a lot of stress. When DH gets put out with the boys it stresses me out. I think that was a lot of the problem before too. I would call mom rather than listen to DH take out his frustration on our babies. Like I said... its a big ol mess! Stress on top of stress! He is truly actively looking for a job and so will I after flu season is over. I'm too paranoid about the boys and daycare. I have a 5 year old. I remember how it was. Anywho...

I shouldn't have let it snowball into Colton staying with mom so much. And to answer the question, I couldn't stand it. For every smile and laugh Chayton had, my heart would break in two thinking of Colton being somewhere else. I feel so much better now that we are all under one roof!!

Thanks again you guys. You are my role models to get thru the tough days.
:wub:
~Joanna