fear of dying and not being here for my babies

Ok so this will probably sound weird to some but I am having anxiety since my babes were born about me dying and not being here for them. I'm not really asking for advice-just wanted to hear some others thoughts on new thinking once your a mom. I am sure it is because I tend to think too much and have a clinical internship at hospice but is this also a fear that is somewhat common for new moms/parents. The circle of life is truly amazing and the miracle of my babes birth has just really got me thinking about it almost too much.please don't tell me to go get counseling. I feel good mentally and no weird thoughts-just pondering life too much now that these two amazing beings are here.

 

I think fears like that are super common. It just boils down to you being worried about your babies and always want to be there for them for them AND for you - actually the sign of being a good mother. I imagine most of us have the same fear. We hear so many horror stories of mothers dying and leaving small kids, that maybe pre kids it was sad but we could not really relate, now that we have kids it is scary as he**.

:hug: :hug:

 

I think about it too. It's probably my very biggest fear, not being here for my kids. Having kids definitely changes your outlook on life in general, I'm way more aware of my own mortality now than I ever was before. I don't really have advice for you, but I do know how you feel. :hug:

 

I think it's probably normal. I know my DH and I were worried about it and it's something I think about at night while I'm trying to sleep. One thing that's helped is we both upped our life insurance. This way if either (or both) of us get hit by turnip trucks, the boys will be financially stable. The next step is we need to set up a trust for the money and get our wills in order. It's not glamourous, or even fun, but it needed to be done.

 

I just drove on a 16 hour trip with my girls (just the three of us) and the whole time I had anxiety about something happening to me while on the trip and how long it would take for someone to find them. With their daddy being in Iraq, I constantly worry about what would happen if something were to happen to me. I'm glad to see other people have these fears too so I know I am not crazy!

 

I already have a fear of death that I battle, especially when I have off days, but now I have two little ones and suprisingly my fear has diminished some because I have to take care of them and have less time to think about it myself. But sometimes when I look at them I have these little sad thoughts that pop into my mind like...what if I don't get to see them grow up because something happens to me? I had a friend lose her husband in January to brain cancer less than a month after he was first diagnosed. He passed away 4 days after they delivered their second child. It was terrible to witness. Of course you run home and hug your DH and LOs and cry for her and cry for the sake that it is not your LOs daddy...which makes you feel guilty but also makes you try to live each moment. The brain is so powerful - some days I just deal with getting out of my head...heh heh. Luckily, moments like that are fleeting and I am too busy and entertained by their laughter to think about those things too much. But I think it is safe to say that whatever emotions about life in general I felt before being a mom, I feel at least 100 times stronger now. This job is not for the faint of heart I guess.

 

Yes, neither I nor my DH are young in age so I have this fear constantly. What I do now is try to lose weight because extra weight is linked with many diseases, keep away from unhealthy food (fried and sweets), eat fruits and veggies rich in antioxydants and try to exercice more often... Fortunately I don't smoke.

That way I think that I am doing all I can for a healthy life and then I leave the rest to God.
Good luck. :hug:

 

*hugs*
i don't necessarily think about my mortality except when i am driving with the boys or walking with them in their stroller. i find myself, while not all the time, worrying about a horrific car crash or a crash in general since we find ourselves driving 1 hour north to a children's hospital to see their GI specialist pretty often. when i'm out with the boys while they are in their strollers i think sometimes about it tipping over or (if i'm walking on the sidewalk) a car hitting us. it's not often but these thoughts have crossed my mind. i know now that my driving has changed A LOT when i have the boys in the car, i am WAY more aware of what's going on around me and i drive with a lot of caution. i guess i think more about their mortality than i do about mine. i worry about their well being more so than my own.

i think, if this is a constant thing, maybe try and find things to preoccupy your time like projects or chores or something, things to keep your mind busy so you don't have time to think about this anymore. just cherish every moment of everyday with your kids and live each day one at a time. if we think about the future to much, at least for me, it can get overwhelming.

 

I think the fear you have is pretty normal. I know the thought has crossed my mind from time to time. I want to be here to see them grow up and get married, have children, go to college and become the awesome adults I know they will be. I would not let the fear overwhelm you though and focus on the here and now with your babies :hug:

 

I have had that fear in the past. I do realize though that it is nothing I can really control for the most part, and my time/thoughts are better served focusing on the now, and planning for the future. :hug:

 

I have this fear as well.. I worry about every little ache or pain and I am constantly googling (which is probably the worst thing I can do!). However, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder years ago, so I know that I am naturally an anxious person. I did take medication to help ease it for a while and it helped me focus on enjoying life rather than worrying about everything that could happen. While I have this fear, I also want to get over it so I can provide my kids with a full, happy life.

 

I think this is probably 100% normal and like pp said, a sign that you are a good mom. Also like pp said, I think it is important that you don't let it take over your life. The fact that you are posting about it is a pretty could indication that you won't. I did start to think about the fact that life is finite and that we all die a lot more when the babies were born. That was partly because I came close to death after a pretty complicated CSection, and I had never been in the hospital before the pregnancy! But also sometimes I get sad when I think about the parts of the babies' lives that I won't be here to see, and the fact that I'm 10 years older than my parents were when they had me (I'm 34). But these are fleeting thoughts. My real irrational/obsessive fears have been about other people hurting the babies. We had a night nurse lined up for months and I liked her and felt totally comfortable with her - until the time came for my mom to go home and the nurse to start, 2 weeks after they were born. I cried and cried and stayed up all night checking the video monitor and listening for the sound of the door shutting - afraid she would take them! I never for a moment though that THIS would be my big fear to get over. I think it will be easier from here on out, but for now I am sticking to mothers in law when I am going to be out of the house!

 

I have this fear too; I think it's common and not weird at all. Every Mom wants to see her children grow up and be the one to raise them. I so look forward to being there Mom and friend when they are older and having babies of their own. I am 25 and recently bought a life insurance policy - not something most of my peers are doing but it made me feel so much better knowing that if something were to happen to me my DH could afford the very best childcare for my babies. That's about all I can do - it's all in God's hands and we just have to enjoy every day as much as possible because every day is a gift.

 

I also think about that alot. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis when I was 8 weeks pregnant, one week before I found out I was having twins. I worry all the time that I will leave them too early or that I will become a burden. I don't know how the disease will progress. If that isn't enough to freak me out I almost died after delivery due to blood loss. Before I had kids I never really thought about my own mortality but now it means so much more.

 

That's me too! I hate being like that and now since the pregnancy I have lots of back pain, chest pain from worry, shoulder pain, etc-i wonder when body will ever get back to normal! We should be anxiety web support for each other!

To ALL WHO RESPONDED: thanks for normalizing my fears-im so glad to know its not just me!

 

I feel the same way quite often and my girls are over 3!! It's so hard to push the thought out of your mind though, isn't it? :hug:

 

You got it! Anxiety is horrible... it's such a spiral! PM me any time you like