1-2-3 Magic

OK Ladies after a HORID weekend, I ran out and bought a copy of 1-2-3 magic! I was hoping to find some miracle discipline technique. I am half way through the book and I am slightly disappointed and skeptical. The book describes basically what we have been doing. The only difference is that I don't give them 2 warnings. Usually they get one warning if they do the behavior again then they get a TO. So like I said, the techniques described are not much different. However, I am willing to try it specifically this way to see if we get better results. We also need DESEPARATE help for in-public situations. This weekend I wanted to :headbang: .

I am, however, excited about having a way to deal with tantrums!!

So tell me....for those who have tried this technique...what were your results??

 

I hope you get lots of good replies. I haven't read this, so I am interested to hear what others have to say.

 

Well, I didn't read it - I got a recap from DP who read it. The biggest thing I had to do differently was adjust my behavior. Not just what I was saying and doing but HOW. That made a huge difference in a matter of days, and even more of a difference over time. Also, 100% consistency is vital, or it won't work. My kids still have crazy tantrums, but 1-2-3 helps a lot. Jacob is about 90% compliant (able to gain self-control and avoid TO) with 1-2-3. Jack was about 20% compliant for several months but has worked up to maybe 75%. So, the kid's personality makes a big difference, too.

In public, if they are in a stroller, I will just tell them they are in TO and face them in the corner for several seconds with the canopies down (to reduce stimulation, not to isolate in a mean way). It's not so fair to the non-offender, but if I give him a toy to hold, he could care less... and it works to stop the tantrum most of the time. For bad tantrums, I do 1-2-3, then a TO in the car. This usually has to happen in a restaurant when there are other family members around to care for the other twin so I can take the offender to the car for a TO. That has worked every single time for us.

Good luck!! :hug:

 

I've heard others describe it, but found that I was the one that needed to make the majority of changes in behavior. I needed to change the way I was reacting. We do Love and Logic here. We're really trying to incorporate it more, but it's amazing how few times you have to react a certain way for them to "get" it. For me, I just need to be more consistant with it. I hope you get some good answers and advice.

 

The biggest difference for us - and the hardest to maintain - is the 'no emotion, no talking' rule. I think that makes the difference between regular time out and 123 magic. The crux however of behavioral change according to this book is in the second half - the praise / positive reinforcement / catch them when they're good bit. I've another excellent book (divas and dictators) which talks about seeing real behavior change if you can get to a 6 to 1 ratio of praise to criticism. ie 6 positive interactions with your kid for every time out and so on. Again we find the consistency so hard, but I do notice when I praise the good things it's as if the girls mentally puff out their chests and try really hard for a while.
Good luck.

 

I haven't read the book, but wanted to comment as to public behavior.

My girls pretty much walk with us (almost 3) and we require them to hold someone's hand. Usually they will hold each other's hand, and one will hold either mine or DH's hand.

When they act out or want to pitch a fit, I'll just take them by their arm, lean down to their level, and whisper very sternly "You will NOT act like this in public. If you continue, you will go to the car."

99% of the time, that will curb the behavior. If it continues, we will either go to the car, or I will take them to the nearest restroom for a little bit more of a 'peptalk'.

 

I am a believer in 123. We started at 2 with it. I like giving them essentially 2 warnings to curb the behavior and then they go to time out if not. I also agree that the no talking, no emotion is key. Its very matter of fact. Also consistency as with anything dealing with little kids is huge. So, once you learn the technique they seem to respond pretty well.

If we are in the stroller. I stop, get the offender out and make him sit on the ground up next to a wall in the mall or store. And we look away, but I do obviously keep him in my sight. That seems to work well. I have done a time out in the car and pulled over too and turned off the DVD. That was interesting. But they were quiet all the way home.

I did not to 123 for tantrums. I just left them alone and gave them no attention. Now that they are older, I just send them to their rooms to finish crying and they are not allowed to cry when they come out. That works here.

 

I definately need to adjust my behavior! I did realize yesterday (we did start doing 1-2-3) that I stayed MUCH calmer, I didn't raise my voice, my blood pressure didn't get up :ibiggrin: ,etc.... So, I am hoping the no talk-no emotion rule will make a HUGE difference around here.

If I could get to 90%/75% improvement on tantrums around here, I would take it!

As far as being in public, I have read and read and read that alot people recommend removing them from the store if it is bad. Letting them have the tantrum in the car. The problem with that is my kids LOVE the car. They never want to get out of it. AND...although I have never really tried doing it, I just can't see it working because of their LOVE of the car. They think it is really fun to hang out in the car. I have used a bathroom stall before when we were in a restaraunt. Thank goodness it was a VERY clean bathroom! However, after DS calmed down enough to leave the bathroom stall he was still in NO mood to cooperate through lunch...so, we had to package our food up and leave. We just can't go out to eat with them right now, I guess. Which is frustrating!! :headbang: This weekend, though, I think bad moods were escalated because they were off schedule and had not napped well in 3 days. Still frustrating though because the family we were seeing (some have never even met them) we do not see them that often and the side of the twins they saw was NOT pleasant!

 

Laura, good luck with the 123. I've read the book, but have yet to implement it. Shockingly, my kids are in a pretty good phase right now. Redirection seems to be working pretty well for them. Of course now that I said that, they'll probably turn into terrors overnight!

But even with this relatively good behavior, we still cannot take them to restaurants. They just can't sit still that long. I could count them and put them in TO over and over, and it still wouldn't matter. They'
re just too active to be seated for more than 5-10 minutes (and that's with food or some other kind of distraction).

 

Laura, :clappping: Glad you read it!

The no emotion thing is HUGE! It's very matter of fact, well - YOU chose to break the rules attitude...LOVE that!

I NEVER EVER EVER backed down from putting them in timeout if I got to three. It's also important to NOT COUNT START behaviors! I think it's HARD - we have to rethink that all the time! I have done timeouts in Sam's Club, busy airports and grocery stores. I could give a RIP what anyone thinks about it. Consistency is KEY with ANY METHOD!

At home I let them extinguish their tantrums on a certain spot (well, now that they are older - I let them go to their room) and tell them they can come out when they are done! Gives them control of when they want to be done and they seem to respond to that for me. But the same thing doesn't work with my nephew, so it does depend on their temperment.

When we started T.O's I used to strap them in their feeding seat, so they learned they couldn't get out. Now, if they try to get out, I put them back and restart the timer! I usually just have to say 2 and they are DONE with whatever. I RARELY RARELY use T.O.'s anymore!

Good luck!! :hug:

 

I read the book too, and it's fabulous. I VERY CALMLY say "that's one", wait maybe 4 sconds, "that's 2", and the behavior stops. I ALWAYS follow through with timeouts too (which are rare), and they are 3 mintues timed. Also I NEVER hug or hold them after a timeout. I learned that from a child behavior specialist. They don't deserve it if they've been bad.
And lastly, my counts to 3 are QUICK. I don't waste any time. DH counts ssssssoooooooooo slow; it drives me crazy!
My other thing is to threaten no TV if they don't stop something or won't do something. My kids get 50 minutes a day and they RELISH it. So if they won't walk to the car or won't pick up a mess (just examples) I say "walk to the car please or no TV." Alas, THEY RUN! My point is to find something that hits 'em where it hurts, and FOLLOW THROUGH!
BOL!!!!!!!

 

I do think kids seem to get almost a "high" of adrenaline when their parents explode and get angry at them. Sort of fun to watch mom lose it. I haven't read the book but will soon. Time out for my one daughter has really done it. If I find I have told her 2 or 3 times to go to the corner for not handing a toy, throwing, etc. I will take the baby and her twin sister into the kitchen and play. She is left behind the baby gate and has to watch us. It really is a big impact on her especially when I sit down and read to her sisters which is her favourite thing to do.

Heather