Are we being over protective....in our own house?

My husband and I from day one have been especially safety conscious with the boys. I think my husband is probably the extreme and I'm somewhere in the middle. What I'm worried about know is if we're being too overprotective of them in our own home. We have a relatively small home - it is two story but we are mostly on the first floor. Right now the boys are basically contained in the living room. I have gate that seperates the living room off from the dining room/kitchen. And the hallway off of the living room leads to our two bedrooms and bathroom and we keep those doors closed. Recently we tried keeping the door to their room open to see how they would do but found them trying to climb up into their cribs, scale the dresser to get to the radio player on top, etc. I have put latches on the dresser drawers but they were actually getting some leverage even with the dresser drawers shut. The other day I let them come into the kitchen with me to "cook" but it was a nightmare. Of course I haven't really child proofed so they were getting in every drawer/cabinet and trying to pull out things. We hesitate to let them in the dining room because our computer is in there and they would destroy it in a minute. So......is it wrong to still limit them at this age? I do take them outside for about an hour each day to run/play so they do get a change of scenery. They also go to their grandparents two days a week which also gets them out of the house.

I'm just so nervous to give them free roam of the house. Number one concern in their safety and then selfishly I'm concerned they will just make a tremendous mess. I know that sounds selfish but now it is at least contained in the living room. Most importantly thought I want what is best for them and I worry if we are being too overprotective. Sometimes I think they get bored and would be happier with more freedom. Any time I try to approach this subject with my husband he just comes up with a million things that "could" possibly happen. He comes from a long line of people in his family who worry so I have my work cut out for me.

So anyone else in my situation or have any words of advice? Thaanks for reading!

 

My kids basically have free access to most of the house. The laundry room is off limits because the water heater & furnace is in there and the bathrooms have been off limits in the past. I find that if something is off limits, they want to be there more. The more they are used to areas the less interesting they are. Now that E (18 months) can do stairs, we do not block the stairs anymore. I think at your kids' age, they can start learning what is off limits. Supervision is definitely still a must.. I don't allow my 4 year old twins alone in some spots.

 

Well, I am quite laid back, so I do things differently. But, if I was in one room, for the most part, all day long, I would go crazy! LOL! But-that's not to say what you are doing is wrong-it's what works for you and your family.

I'll tell you what I do. When they were just starting to be mobile, we did the gates to keep them safe if we needed to get things done. Once they started screaming at the SuperYard gate, we got rid of it. Since then-they have free roam of the house. We have a gate to the stairs and our bedroom, the playroom(at times), and the bathroom doors are all shut. So-they get free roam of the living room, kitchen, dining room, and little kitchen nook area. The kitchen drawers we have locks on. Some have broken though-so the boys can get into them. Their favorite is the one with all the big utensils. They love to take them all out and scatter them across the floor. Drives me nuts! BUT-that also kept them happy for say 10 minutes, while I could do a load of laundry, or get lunch ready, or change the baby.... Now, they don't go into it as much, so that thrill wore off!

I don't mind cleaning up the mess provided it gives me some peace to do something else. There is nothing they've gotten hurt on due to being able to roam the house. If they have-it's things that could happen in one room-tripping over a toy, running into a wall, table, etc. And, if they want to do something with me-like read a book, or have lunch, or go outside, I have them clean up the wonderful mess they have made.

It's all with what you are comfortable with. But I would go crazy if the four of us(the baby too) were cooped up in one room all day. That's just me. But I also go crazy being home all day. What about doing some different activities in the different rooms? Like sit on the kitchen floor and read books? Or color? Or do puzzles? Or maybe bounce a ball or something?

Give it a try. It can't hurt! And if you do open up some more rooms to them-let us know how it goes! Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

The problem with containing them in one room is that the rest of the house will all be new and exciting once they're freed. Whether that happens because they climb over the gate, learn to open the gate, start to PT, or you simply decide it's time to let them roam, they will go nuts exploring. If that day comes and they have had zero practice and no rules established, it's going to be a very hard transition. I think your kitchen experience gave you a taste of it. Now, imagine that level of enthusiasm all day every day and in every room for two or three weeks straight... SO, I'd start allowing them some well-supervised roaming for as long as you can stand it every day. Be consistent with what you declare off-limits but let them explore some too. Eventually, you won't need the gates anymore.

 

We did like you, partly because there were three of them so close in age and because the older two needed to be able to get away. We started with them gated in the living room where we spent most of our time. The way our house is set up the living room and family room are like one big room with a wall down the middle. At about 2.5 we opened up the family room to them so they had access to two big rooms (gated hallway to bedrooms and long gate at dining room entrance) however both rooms were childproofed enough that I could go to the bathroom or switch laundry without worrying too much about what they might get into. At 3 we opened up the dining room (which is really a playroom now) then shortly after that took down the gate at the bedroom hallway. We spent about a month being very vigilant about keeping certain doors closed (our bedroom and the bathroom) with doorknob covers so they learned they could go into their rooms but nowhere else. We still have the kitchen gated but only because there are three of them and they would most definitely get into something when I was doing something else. They can all climb the gate, it's more of a reminder to stay out of the kitchen unless we give them specific permission to go in.

 

I'm a bit like you... safety first. They were in the living room until 18 months, then we opened the hallway and the dining room, but the only thing in the dining room is the table (no chairs) and a shelves unit which is now mostly empty except the top shelves, and attached to the wall.

The kitchen is blocked and will be until we move, then we'll probably put locks in the new one. The rest of the house is off limits (we're renting so it's small anyway, but we have to store everything else where they can't reach it).

For the computer, we put it against a corner and I bought a desk with a lockable door. They still get on the keyboard all the time, and I had to put away all the toys they can get on too or they would be on the desk... but otherwise as long as I put the chair sideways so they can't climb on it when I'm not looking, it's ok... I still don't leave them alone more than 3 minutes at a time if I can help it.

Honestly, for me safety is key. Once they truly understand that something is off limits and not just when we're around, we'll give them more freedom... but I can't imagine letting the kids roam in an area where I wouldn't want them to be left unsupervised.

 

Debid hit on one thing that I totally find true. After a few weeks they stop obsessing over whatever it is. For us it was the drawer in the kitchen with their silverware, 3 weeks later, they finally stopped caring. Now it's the fireplace (we've not used it so we have nothing for it for protecting them from heat and the hearth is only 1 inch off of the ground) so they like to play with the chain grate cover.

ETA: Also the naked obsession only lasted like 4 weeks, same with the removal of the diapers.

 

We took our gates down about 3 months before they turned 2. We had our oldest DD take all her small things up to her room then as well. Once we took the gates down it took a few days for them to get used to having free reign of the house and they did get into things for those first few days since it was new and exciting. But after those first couple of days they were fine. And they were much happier having a bigger place to play and move around in and I was very happy to have the gates down. :good:

 

Once you take the gates down you will have a period of time where they go nuts with the freedom (my DH called it "opening the veal pen" :laughing. But then when the novelty wears off and they realize what they can and cannot touch/play with, it will be fine. Our house is under construction, but most of the time the girls have free-reign now (we do still have the gates around just in case), and they learned quickly that the tools are "for looking with our eyes" and the toys are for play. Oh and we put a couple of cabinet locks on things too for safety.

 

Mine are 13 months and they have free reign of the house. They pretty much already know what is a no no.

 

I'm probably the extreme at the other end of the spectrum. My entire house is open to my girls (no stairs) and I don't have any cabinet locks or childproofing stuff. Oh - I do have those plastic plugs in most of our outlets. Everything super dangerous is inaccessible - knives are in a block on the kitchen counter, cleaning supplies are on the top shelf of a cabinet, and the water heater is behind a locked door. The rest is accessible. When I took down the gates at around 18 months, my girls got into everything, but they quickly learned that mommy really doesn't like having all of her pots and pans taken out of the cabinets.

A lot of this depends on your kids. If they're daredevils then you need to protect more stuff. If not, you can get away with what I did, which is a lot of redirection and explaining what can be touched or not. I really like the fact that my kids can spend time in all of the rooms of our house. There are fewer meltdowns because they're bored, and we can integrate them into our regular life a lot easier.

 

The only place we had a gate up was at the bottom of the stairs. We spend zero time upstairs as it is mostly storage but that is the one place where they love to be. I believe it is because I never let them up there. They have had free reign of the entire house since day 1. We did go a little over board on baby proofing though.

 

The only gate we still have (since around 15 months) is the swing gate into the kitchen. I do keep the guest room and bathroom doors closed and those soon will have knob covers on them. They have access to the living room, playroom, their room, the game room (pool table, tv, bookshelves) and our room. We have outlet covers everywhere and cabinet locks where there are poisonous or cleaning items.

Other than that I'm pretty much a "see I told you that hurts, so don't do that again" type mom. We've had accidents, and there are Little People and Duplos all over my house, but they've never actually hurt either of our computers, or fallen trying to climb anything like their crib, dresser or bookshelf (they have both fallen off the couch and Logan has fallen on the climber in the living room though). Really the worst they've done is a few bumps and bruises from not watching where they were going or a mashed finger in a drawer they aren't supposed to be in anyway.

 

Very well said, I agree! :good: I started letting them have free reign around the house when they were fairly young (a year??) with supervision of course and child proofed the kitchen and gave them a cabinet where all there stuff that they could play with was. :good: Now they know what is a no no and what they can play with it.

 

We had gates up at the stairs and at the kitchen entry until they were about a year old. We would also keep the doors closed to our office, laundry room and bathrooms. Just recently (4 months or so) we have been able to keep the bathroom doors open without finding them playing in the toilets. The office and laundry room still remains closed for safety reasons.

When we removed the gate to the kitchen, I did give them one lower cabinet with stuff they could play with. That was the only cabinet (and still is) they were allowed in.

I tend to agree with pp's. When things are new territories, it is really exciting at first. BUT...they quickly catch on to the "no touch" items. I don't remember it being that big of a deal. I, too, would get tired of being in the same room all day. I know that would drive my kiddos nuts! They get tired of staying home all day let alone one room.

 

Thanks everyone! You all have given me some great advice and courage to try allowing the boys to explore some new areas in the house. I'm going to look for a corner computer cabinet that we can close off to the boys when we want. I'm also going to work on our kitchen, putting locks on the cabinets that I don't want them to go into so that we can go there at times to play. Maybe giving them a drawer to themselves with fun things to cook with and things to play with on the refrigerator. Now...I just have to convince my husband that this is a good idea!

Thanks for your help!

 

We only had gates to the bathrooms. I would have loved to gate off the kitchen, but the entry ways were too large. I just put things that would hurt them in the higher shelves and pretty much let them explore the lower cabinets. We did have periods of climbing and falling. But I think kids become better thinkers if they have more freedoms. I also think they develop (in general and by all means not the only rule) better self-esteem/confidence.

 

The girls have had free roam of our house for about two years now. I eased them into the transition by letting them have free roam and following them pretty closely to teach them what was allowed and not allowed, then give myself a break and put them in the living room which was gated. Once I felt fairly comfortable with how they acted out in the house, I let them go, it really was a relief to have the additional areas for them to play in. They begin to get all cranky gated up in the living room and wanted out! Now they're getting all sneaky on me again , but we'll work that out eventually.

 

With my twins, who were my first, we had gates at the dining room, and then their bedroom and their 'playroom'. only reason was to keep them out of the kitchen, and then to keep the dogs out of their rooms so we didn't have to contend with dog hair, etc (especially with them putting things in thier mouths at that age) By the time they were 2, the gates were gone.

My son has only ever seen a gate at the top of the stairs (we only have 2) so he wouldn't topple down trying to chase after his sisters (they're 18 months apart) And that was gone when he was just at 14 months and able to handle the stairs well on his own.

I'll tell ya though, there's not a lot of babyproofing in my house. In fact the only things that ARE babyproofed are the cabinets that hold chemicals/medicines. That's it. We bought straps to strap the Entertainment center to the wall, but haven't installed them yet (we need to)

As for the kitchen, we have one base cabinet that is all but empty, and all 3 of them are in and out of it pretty consistently. They use it as a hiding place. They know how to get their own utensils and will play with the wisk/spatula/mixing spoons as they see fit, or get the pots out and bang around for a bit... I see it as creative play and a way to entertain them while I'm cooking. We do keep knives and sharp objects out of their reach.

We can't keep them from the bathroom cuz they are potty-trained (though I would LOVE to, they play to much with the sink/water!)

Yes, our house is a mess. I clean one room every day so as to keep it somewhat tidy. We make them (yes, at 16 months and 2.5 yrs) clean up their own toys (with lots of help/guidance from us) and they voluntarily help sweep/vacuum (they LOVE doing it so we let them 'help')we do have a playroom where ALL of their toys are at. I don't care if that's a disaster. The rest of our house is somewhat 'adult' zoned but still child friendly (no breakables/collectibles, etc).


Really I don't think it matters. However you decide to raise them they will adapt. There could be arguments on both sides to giving them more freedom/less freedom, etc. So long as they are healthy, and happy, they should be fine.

Now, if you want to pose the argument to your husband about giving them more freedom, you have a couple options: 1) Hire a professional baby-proofer (yep, they exist!) to come look at the house and fix it up for you, 2) crawl through the house on your hands and knees (their level) and look for anything to could be dangerous, and either eliminate it or make it safe (electrical outlet covers, blind cords,toilet locks, etc) Then he really doesn't have a reason NOT to let them roam around....

 

Well, you could tell him they're 4 months older now than my kids were when they started climbing over the gates and there was no longer an option to keep them penned in the living room. We weren't ready for that level of freedom and it was a frantic effort to childproof the rest of the house. They were drunk with the thrill of getting into everything all day long. It wasn't that I'd never let them out but their exposure had been very limited and they weren't prepared... I thought I would have more time. Oops. By sharing, I hope to save you from my mistake.

 

A&A have free range of my entire house, always have. -- I wish I had gated them from an early age I swear if I could gate them in starting now I WOULD! My 2 find things I didn't even know we had LOL!

 

I figured it was easier to slowly give them space as compared to taking it away. I can't keep my entire house baby proof, so they have the livingroom which is large large large. When we are in the kitchen they can come in but not the immediate kitchen area which is gated. We go outside, to play centres, daycare, etc. they dont' need to be through my entire house. It depends on the kids as well, my one daughter who is behind still will climb chairs and then be in a very very unsafe position reaching for something and still with many things "doesn't get it". It isn't a discipline thing with her, it is an understanding which I see so much more now in my other twin. The light bulb just comes on a little later for some.

Heather