So many new things

What is the deal? Do we all of a sudden turn two and think, "I've been doing a, b, and c for the last two years. I'm going to take a stand and NOT do it now!" Seriously!

Over the last month or so-we have:
1.) Stopped using bibs
2.) Started SCRREEEECHHHINGGGGG(or yelling-whatever it is-it's loud and obnoxious)
3.) Booster seats...hmmm...what do we use those for again?
4.) Putting up a fight sometimes at nap/bed(don't get me started on last night-but it was a breeze tonight).
5.) Decided to barely eat our meals(that's the last few days-I'm guessing possibly teething).

Oh my word. There are soo many things that seem to be defiant on lately. I'm losing my marbles. I think it was Tuesday when I seriously thought I was going to go crazy. I don't think my heart could pound as hard as it did. It was bad. I was on edge-all day long.

I know discipline is a biggggggggggggggggggggggggggg problem here. I am a softie. I need to figure something out. It's so hard. Two of them. A baby. One of me. 8 hours or more a day. I can't find a happy medium. I want my kids to be well behaved kids-who sit at the table and not screech to be done in five minutes(and not have eaten). I want kids who know it's NOT ok to jump on the couch-at our house or ANY house. I want kids who LISTEN to me-and not just smile and do whatever it is I am asking of them. I want them to stop throwing the balls in the house when I say no. I want them to not freak out when I say no more milk. I want them to realize the TV can't be on all day. I want happy kids. I don't want to be a mommy who yells too much. Who doesn't enjoy these moments as they are quickly passing by. I want to ENJOY being a SAHM(I do in the scheme of things). I know I am probably asking too much of them. Maybe too much of me. I just can't find the time for me-to go to the bookstore, sit back and read(yeah-1,2,3 Magic that I bought MONTHS ago).

And I will say-my boys ARE well behaved for the most part. They are angels in public. ANGELS. Home-different story. DH doesn't want them to behave bad, or whatever. I feel like it is all on me. And I HATE the way he treats them sometimes. He's with them 3 hrs tops a day, and he has a short fuse. And my heart breaks listening to them cry, because of daddy. But-for the most part-they listen to him. Not me. He tells them CONSTANTLY to stop crying. Just like that-snap your fingers and stop crying. How?

Well-this was a different post than I intended! LOL! Ahh well.. It feels good to get it down I guess. I don't know if I even covered everything! In the scheme of things-I want happy, healthy, well rounded kids. And I think I am afraid I am not doing that. I'm losing my temper. I'm short with them.

And gosh-they are in bed and I miss them like crazy....

 

Ahh, yes, the bag of mixed emotions...right there with you!! I think kids have multiple personalities...one minute they are sweet as peach pie, the next minute..devils!! Sometimes I am at my limit and it is all I can do to stay sane and rational. But when they aren't around I miss them like crazy!!

 

I read mine in the bathroom on the toilet. Seriously. After the kids went to bed every night, I would lock myself in the bathroom and turn on the fan. :lol:

I bet once you get some discipline established things will calm down a bit. Hey, a girl can hope right? Then you can teach your DH that you dont have to yell to command authority and maybe that will help his fuse too.

Oh, and mine are usually pretty good out in public. New things to see, people, social interaction, all the stuff they dont get at home with just me.

Hang in there. :hug:

 

First off, a BIG :hug: to you!!!

I can relate with you on so many levels. Although, I am not a SAHM, I am a softy as well and my DH has a similar style as yours. One thing you have to remember is that they are testing you and wondering how far they can go. Honestly, I pick my battles. I am not as consistent as I should be, but certain things (for us it is throwing food, talking back, and spitting, yes spitting ) is not tolerable and I stand my ground. I sound like a broken record most days. But if they want more milk, ok. If they don't eat, fine, but they can't come back later and snack, they eat then or not at all. Eventually they will learn.

I have also talked to DH about his approach. I remember as a child being told that if I didn't stop crying, I would be given something to cry about. And I remember NOT BEING ABLE TO STOP. Physically, I couldn't and the fear of what would happen when I didn't. I do not want that for my children and although I think a healthy fear is normal, there is a limit. Could you discuss this with him?

I know it is hard!!! Hang in there, this too shall pass. :hug:

 

I'm going to check out 1-2-3 magic today from the library. I think if you have some concrete rules and are very consistent enforcing them (like a consequence for jumping on the couch), you might feel more in control. Also, I find that when I'm calm in doling our the 'discipline' they are more responsive and act more calm as well (MUCH easier said than done, but I'm working on it). GL and :hug:

 

ME TOO!

MINE TOO!

I agree! I have noticed when I stay calmer, things go alot more smoothly. I am constantly having to work on this approach though. It is so much easier to yell and scream. I constantly have to step back and ask myself "what in the heck or you doing yelling at 2 year olds (yelling PERIOD.)?" Yelling definately escalates things. I think it helps to remind myself that I am the parent, I am in control and I don't need to yell to maintain that control.

I also keep saying to myself (and DH) that I need to get 1-2-3 Magic. I say this over & over & over and have yet to do it. I am going to though. I need some other form of discipline. I feel like what we have been doing is NOT working...especially with DS. It makes me want to :headbang: on a nearly daily basis! I'll make a pact with you. You read your copy and I will go out and get a copy and read too!

 

YES!!! This is SOOOOOO Hard!!!!!
We are tired and often we feel alone in this no matter how wonderful are DP's are.

Maybe you can buy or borrow (librabry) the 123 Magic DVD and you and DH can watch it either together if there is time or seperate; it might be easier than finding the time to read the book.

I TOTALLY understand the stress and then missing them when they're sleeping; it is such a weird combination.

Give yourself a break, you are doing the best you can, your kids will NOT be obnoxious forever and eventually they WILL stop jumping on the couch.

Love them, laugh at them, put it all in your memory bank and most important take deep breathes and take care of you!!

 

:hug:

I bought new booster seats when we moved to our new house at 2y1m.... they used them about 3 times and that is IT (anyone want some Cooshee Hybaks? $60 wasted, sitting in the garage!). Now, we just let them sit in the regular seats and I have otherwise given up the battle. At restaurants they usually still sit in high chairs (so, we look civilized in public :lol: ). Around this age, their metabolism slows because they are not growing as fast as they were in infancy... so, they get pickier as a result. It's par for the course, even though it's not fun - and it doesn't reflect on you. They aren't as hungry, and their curiosity is growing... so, the result is the disastrous behavior you (and I) get at the table.

We have the screeching - it's awful, isn't it?! It gets them TO with me but they do it all morning long with the sitter (who rarely gives TO). TO does help but isn't a cure. :gah:

The night time complaining & nap resistance was a surprise to me, too. We moved our naps later by 1-2 hours, and that has helped with both (not sure why it helps bedtime but it does - maybe because they aren't overtired from protesting naps?).

My DP used to be really obnoxious with discipline of the boys. I also used to scream a lot more. We have implemented 1-2-3 Magic and it has been great. Is it perfect? No. But it's a sensible approach, which helped bring me from "the softy who spontaneously snaps when things are out of control" to a more level-headed and neutral authority figure. It also brought DP from behavior much like your DH's to a much more calm and appropriate type of interaction with the kids. We both committed to it, and it's been great. It's really a simple concept, but if you implement it - ALL of it, not just the counting but the parental behavioral modification, too - you will be happy that you did!

It's really hard to deal with all of this and I totally understand your frustration. You are doing a great job with your kids!!