We just graduated to the Second Year!

Just wanted to say hello to everyone in the Second Year! Our daughters celebrated their first birthday on 10/22 and I'm still amazed how quickly the year passed by. Looking forward to getting to know everyone better and sharing experiences

I could use some advice regarding an issue with our inlaws (husband's side). We had a small family birthday party for the girls this past Saturday and both sides of the family committed to attending. Sadly, my husband's family decided to cancel an hour before the party was to start! They made up some crazy excuse and the fact it was dark and rainy at 2pm in the afternoon. Seriously?!!! Need I mention I bought 12lbs of pork shoulder and roasted it for 11 hours in the kitchen all day Friday. We also bought a ton of other food, a huge sheet cake, and other party supplies that now was unnecessary. I didn't even invite that many people from my side of the family since my husband's is rather large. Aside from my parents, only my two uncles and his son attended. I know our daughters won't remember but I am extremely disappointed at how this wonderful day was tarnished.

I called my MIL and expressed how disappointed we were to hear this at the last minute. I also told her we really can't afford to wasteful with our money since I've been out of work for almost a year now. Out of no where she brings up how my DH and I weren't able to attend her middle grandson's first communion five years ago. Really? So she was telling me they weren't attending our DD's 1st birtday party out of spite? I completely lost my temper and let em have it.

I don't feel I was out of line with my reaction but not sure what to do now. Any thoughts?

 

That just sounds awful & I can totally understand why you are upset! Dealing with in-laws can be so tough--when I'm having issues, I usually have DH speak to his parents directly about whatever is going on. They're his parents & I think he can get through to them better then I am. But above all, I just try to remind myself that you can't control how other people act, feel, or treat you. All you can control is yourself & your attitude toward them. Sounds like you're rising above & trying to be the better person here!!! Hope things improve & if they don't, it is their loss!!

 

:bday: to your daughters!
:hug: about their party. Usually when we have anything that is dealing with DH's side of the family, I let him deal with it. In your situation, I don't feel that you overreacted at all. If they choose not to attend because you and DH did not attend a party 5 years ago, that is really petty. Sorry that you had to go through that :hug:

 

:welcome: to SY!!!

:hug: I'm sorry about the IL's. :hug: I don't think you over reacted at all. Around here I'd let my husband deal with his side of the family. Bringing up something that happened five years ago sounds like something my MIL would do. I'm sorry.

 

Ugh!! big hugs to you, dealing with IL is interesting to say the least. That is really tacky to cancel an hour beforehand! hope you can get past the issues... and they can join in on their granddaughters fun from now on...

 

:birthday: to your girls!

and congrats on surviving the FY.

:hug: i'm sorry about your ILs - sounds really petty to me.

 

I let my dh deal with his in-laws. I don't email or call or anything. I have enough stuff with my kids and my own family. Even his brother who I like, I still let my dh make all the arrangements.

I can definately see why you were upset. They were rude. I do have a side of me that likes when rude people are finally told off. It does sound like it was out of spite, otherwise why would she bring that up ?

Chances are your children will not be on your in-laws top priority and Yes later on they will notice that their grandparents play favourites..... but one of those cold realities in life I guess we teach our children. I think many grandparents play favourites, even the GOOD ones.

Take a HUGE step back from that stress and let your dh deal with all of it. And don't invite them over for dinner any time soon...

heather

 

Sadly I agree with Heather. What your in-laws did is EXACTLY like something my own mother pulls with my kids. She did show up to their 1st birthday party but she lives 20 min. away from me and has seen my kids three times in the last six months (unlike my dad who sees them every week or every other week)...and she picks my sister's kids up from school, helps take them to class, etc... It's so messed up. I admire and commend you for expressing your feelings to your MIL. I agree you can't control others actions and while your words may not have resonated with her, hopefully it made you feel better!

On a happier note, welcome to 2nd year and :bday: to your beauties!

 

Thanks for the support everyone! Needless to say, we won't be speaking with them for a while. This is not the first time they've pulled antics like this. There have been so many issues in the last two years alone that my DH is tempted to cut ties completely. I feel terrible since I'm the one that has been encouraging to him to be the bigger person when it comes to his crazy family. Time and time again he gets crushed by their irrational and unloving actions.

I know it's really their loss but I'm still amazed how a family can act like this.

BTW - I've been officially "unfriended" by his sister on Facebook. Very amusing!