please tell me this gets better

the boys are 3 months old now and have acid reflux really bad, they haven't pooped in over a week (they each went today thanks to suppositories and kayo syrup) and have been crying/fussing non stop for 6 days and now, today, they have decided each to skip a meal (we feed 5oz every 4 hours from the time they wake up until 10pm). the boys are projectile vomitting on us at least once a day and this morning DH got hit and this evening i got hit....and that was my last straw. i lost it, screamed for help, had DH take over and i went into the bathroom and cried.

i feel like i am a failure as a mother. like i'm not doing something right because they keep crying, they keep throwing up and now they aren't eating. i mean, it's like pulling teeth to get them to smile at me and talk to me but when DH or their grandpa holds them they just are happy as can be and smile smile smile and talk talk talk. even my dogs don't like me as much. i feel like i'm just not living up to the motherhood standards. i feel like a complete and total failure.

please tell me this gets better and that i'm NOT screwing up and that the boys do love me as much as their father.........i need something positive to grasp on to right about now.

 

:hug: It does get better. They might be crying/fussing bc they are in pain from the reflux, might be worth a call to the Ped. or I noticed with mine when they were able to tolerate staying awake longer it was a weeks worth of fussing before they decided they could "play" during that time. As for smiling cooing at everyone else...it might be you are stressed out and they are sensing that. Take a day or even an evening and go get your hair done, go shopping, hell just go drive! You will feel A TON! better! My advice is don't do date night with DH bc you will end up talking about babies...at least we do, so go alone
And don't worry, you are far from a failure at motherhood otherwise you wouldn't care about them so much! Just take it step by step and it does get easier and better :hug:

 

You shouldn't let them without pooping for more than 1 or 2 day. Maybe their tummy was hurting for being so full. Are they on formula or BM? Mine started to get constipated one I've stopped giving them EBM, but I never let them go more than 2 days without pooping. I used suppositories every couple of days. After I've started solids the problem was solved. So I think they shouldn't go more than 2 days without pooping. I know that I don't feel good when I don't go for more than 2 days.

 

My ped said its normal for formula fed (and even BM) babies to sometimes go 7-10 days without going! They are also at a growing age where their intestines could be growing so they don't go as much.

 

it's gonna get better .

you are in a rough patch right now but it will pass. i think the most important thing to focus on right now is sticking with the plan. keep them on their meds and on the same formula. let everything have a chance to start working and let their little systems adjust. put yourself on autopilot if you have to to get through the rough moments and just keep repeating to yourself "this too shall pass". autopilot saved my a$$ when the going was rough.

they love you just as much as your DH and unfortunately right now the only way they can communicate is by crying, it is so hard, i know. my DD cried so much when her reflux was bad, and it wasn't just crying, it was screaming and wailing. i thought i was going to lose my mind. but i didn't, i made it past it and now it is just a bad memory.

they are still so young, try not to expect too much from them. i know you are worried about smiling/laughing and other developmental stuff but what you describe sounds pretty normal. i didn't get any smiles until 3 and 3.5 months and no laughter until closer to 5 months, don't forget they were 5 weeks early and right now that is still going to have a pretty big impact.

if you continue to feel like you are failing as a mom, i would strongly suggest that you talk to your dr. about it. being a twin mom is REALLY hard, but if you think it is more than that, there is help available and we are all here for you too!

 

YOU ARE A GREAT MOM! Reflux is SOOO HARD! Make sure you go to GI
My DD had projectile vomitting and it wasn't until she was in 2 meds (zantac and prevacid) that she got better
also my gi recommended milk of magnesia if they didn't have a movement in 2 days. They wre both
formula fed. I used that often, he said it is natural, so it was ok.
and remember, what they spit out is a lot less than what you think it is!
reflux lasted for about 8 months for dd and 10 months for ds. He is in the 50% of weight and she is in 90%
however, after the right dosage of medication the projectile stopped within a week.
good luck!

 

I was going to suggest trying a pedi GI Dr. as well. DS was originally on Zantac, but it needed to be adjusted all the time b/c it's weight based. His GI Dr. did wonders for him. I wish we had gone to him earlier. It does sound like their reflux could be bothering them. Also, my DS (with reflux) couldn't ever get about 5-6 oz. even at a year. At that age, he was still taking only 2-3 oz. at a time b/c anything more made him spit up and reflux bad. Every baby is different though. Looking at their adjusted age they could be going through a lot of developmental stuff right now too...that was a really hard age for us. And, it does get easier. I promise. Those first 4-5 months are just so darn hard. After 6 months, things got much easier and from that point on it got easier at each phase. Now, that doesn't mean that I still don't feel like the worst Mom in the world sometimes. Just tonight at dinner I screamed at the kids b/c they did something for the millionth time after specifically telling them not to and they spilled everyone's drink on the table. It's just different stuff to make you feel like the worst Mom in the world. lol

 

I've been in your shoes and still am My boys are 8 1/2 months old and are still dealing with reflux issues. But things do get better. We still have at least one puking a day, but they have gotten smaller for the most part. It's now only a half a bottle puked each time and not a whole one. We had a very fun emergency room visit when our Andy was home from the NICU after only a week for his severe constipation. In the past 6 months we have been through 3 different kinds of reflux medicine, a very unhelpful GI specialist visit, 6 different kinds of formula, karo syrup/fruit juice/suppositories/and the old q-tip trick for constipation, and too many projectile pukings to count. We've had to clean our floors, rugs, sofa, ottoman, recliner and wash loads of baby clothes over and over again from the lovely reflux effects. Are your boys on any reflux meds? We've been through Axid (did no good whatsoever), Prevacid tablets (worked for about 4 months) and now we're on Prilosec compounded into a liquid form. It seems to work pretty well, but like I said, we do still have one or two small pukings a day. We can occasionally go for a day or two without any pukings. I relish those breaks. Less laundry to do Hang in there, and if you haven't been able to get any satisfactory help from your pedi, definitely try to see someone else. There are things that can help at least a little. Good luck!

 

:hug: :hug: :hug: It REALLY does get easier ... and it never hurts to call your ped. Maybe there's more to the projectile spit up and the crying/fussiness. Now that we're at the age we're at those days, as hard as they were, made us the parents we are. Hang in there and just take one day at a time ... one hour at a time if you need to. Do you have close family or friends that can come and help out?? Take care and don't forget to take care of yourself too!

 

Hang in there girlie! It WILL get better!!

Our boys also had horrible constipation as well as reflux (though not as severe as yours). Our ped said it was normal for our boys to not poop for up to a week (!), and she told us we shouldn't give them any suppositories but rather just let them work it out. Well when my babies are writhing in pain and trying SO hard to poop I'm not going to just let them be miserable, so I regularly gave my babies suppositories then if they went more than a day or two and were obviously uncomfortable. And while they still get constipated fairly regularly now they are able to go on their own, they just sometimes poop "pellets" in that case. But we give them a little bit of juice (prune or pear) to counteract that. I haven't had to give them a suppository in a couple of months. So just know that their little intestines will soon grow enough that they can poop better, even when constipated.

I hope the ped has prescribed some sort of medication for their reflux. Also, are you giving them a thickened formula? For about a month we gave our boys Enfamil AR (and then switched to Target AR brand) both of which worked great at helping them keep their formula down. One DS would regularly spit up several times a day including out his nose, but after switching to AR formula he would go several days with no spit up whatsoever. BUT the downside to the AR formula is constipation. Perhaps your LOs are on AR formula now and that is why they are constipated. Recently (about 2-3 weeks ago) I switched our boys from AR formula to Enfamil Premium. I thought it might be easier on their tummies. Enfamil claims it is the closest thing to BM, and I must say they had a "seedy yellow" stool right off the bat on that stuff, and I hadn't seen poop like that since they were getting BM in the NICU! But they also almost immediately started spitting up again. So what I did was make my own thickener with xanthan gum and water and add some of that to their formula. It works just as well as the AR formula too as far as preventing spit up. They still get somewhat constipated though (but not as bad as on the AR) so we still given them a little diluted juice most days. PM me if you want details on how to make that thickener. It's basically an inexpensive knock off of a thickener called Simply Thick, which is REALLY expensive otherwise.

Lastly, whenever your babies are fussy I highly recommend swaddling them up tight, putting them in a bouncy seat in a bathroom with only a night light, and then turn on the bath tub water FULL blast. That almost always helps to chill out our LOs when they are screaming. In fact they usually go right to sleep. And even if they continue to cry, you won't hear their crying as much over the roar of the water

Hang in there, things DO get better! I'm by no means an expert on infant twins, and there are still bad days, but things have gotten soooo much better for us over the past couple of months. And they will for you too!

 

I'm sorry you & the babies are having a rough time, Kristine. Maybe you need to talk to your doctor to see if their reflux meds need to be adjusted. It is so difficult when they are crying all the time! You are not a failure as a mother, I'm sure they love you very much. But babies are often very sensitive & are maybe picking up on your stress. Try to get as much rest as you can & take some time for yourself whenever you can, I know it's not easy to find the time but taking care of yourself is important too. Things will get easier! :hug:

 

:hug: It WILL get better and of course they love you!!!! I couldn't agree more with all the suggestions of looking into reflux and other GI issues- projectile vomiting is not normal, so that's probably one reason they're being fussy- they just don't feel good. A pedi GI should be able to help a lot with that.

And as for the frustration-- it's HARD being a twin mom in those early months! I know this is SOOO much easier said than done, but you need a break to take care of yourself from time to time. Take a long uninterrupted nap, go out with friends, if you can manage to go on a date w/ DH that'd be great. Try your best to get a break - and if you still find yourself really feeling crummy for a good few weeks, and it's not something you can shake after getting some time to yourself go see your dr. It's nothing to feel bad about.

Hang in there-- you will survive. I remember someone telling me at this age, it's all about survival mode. You can do it, I promise, and one of these days they'll be eating at the table, giving you hugs, kisses and saying "I love you Mommy!"

 

thanks everyone for the support. i should have mentioned that they are on prevacid solutabs already and are on thickened formula (1 tablespoon of rice cereal per ounce of formula which is similac insomil). we stopped the prevacid for about a week and 7 days ago put them back on it since they have been throwing up consitently at least once a day for 2 weeks. the return to the prevacid hasn't seemed to kick in yet, i'm hoping it will soon.

i swaddle them but they always seem to kick themselves out of it, they don't like it so much.

and you guys are probably right about the stress thing. i know animals can sense that and come to think of it that's probably why the dogs have been avoiding me. i don't hide my stress very well, whereas the men i my life seem to be able to hide their emotions better. i tend to crumble.

they have seen a GI specialist but i'm going to set up another appointment with them today. hopefully we can get in soon, it's just a pain since it's an hours drive away.

it's just nice to know that this will pass and i'm not the only person to feel this way. it's just so frustrating sometimes and i feel like i'm the only parent in the world that feels and acts this way. like i'm doing something terribly wrong.

 

Have they had an upper GI series? They may need Reglan in addition to the Prevacid. The Prevacid helps to neutralize the acid but the Reglan would help the stomach empty more quickly so that the pressure doesn't build up in their stomach from the formula and cause the projectile vomiting. I'd ask for a follow up with the GI doc and tell them you are concerned about a narrowing somewhere causing the projectile vomiting so you'd like an upper GI done to rule that out. You could also phrase it that you are concerned the week of no BMs may have caused a partial blockage. Can you tell I think they need an upper GI? LOL It would take alot of guessing out of any diagnoses, which is really what most peds do with reflux...guess.

And I have to give you a :youcandoit: because as much as it sucks right now, it really does get better.

 

First, hugs! It will get better! Constipation can be a huge driver of reflux. If everything is backed up, their stomachs can't empty and the only place for the food to go is back up in the form on spit-up or vomit. Unfortunately, prevacid and rice ceral can both cause constipation. Prevacid caused horrible constipation for one of mine. Luckily, there are some alternatives. Some GIs will use Prilosec or Nexium. My DS is on Nexium and it has worked wonders for his reflux without causing constipation. Also, oatmeal cereal may cause less constipation than rice cereal. With my DS1, we ended up using a gel thickener (www.simplythick.com) beasue all cereals backed him up. Definitely try to get into the GI as soon as possible. If their medication is right, they shouldn't be in so much pain. They may still spit up, but it shouldn't hurt. Good luck and I hope things turn around soon!

 

One of my sons is on prevacid and that may explain his continued constipation even after switching from the rice formula! I make my own "SimplyThick" (3 tsp of xantham gum mixed with 8 oz of water), and I was surprised that my DS was still constipated given how little xanthan gum is in the thickener. Prevacid may well be the culprit! Good to know. I also tried thickening the boys' formula with oatmeal, but it clogged the nipples more than rice cereal which is finer. And the oatmeal would just settle down in the bottom of the bottle in the fridge like a thick sediment. I highly recommend this xanthan gum thickener (or SimplyThick) over rice/oatmeal cereal!