How to make MIL listen!?!?!? *long one*

I have always gotten along great with my MIL but she drives me NUTS with the babies!!! She watches them every once in awhile and its been this way from the beginning.
First she had to get over the fact that she might have to wake a sleeping baby..I was livid one time learning she let Jack sleep so when he finally ate it had been 6 hours from his morning feeding!! He was only like 4 months old!!!
Then we had to tell her to stop rocking them to sleep....I rock sometimes just to tell them a quick story but they have always been awake when going down for naps or bedtime. And to leave them be if they cry...they only cry a few seconds then start playing with each other...its kinda cute :wub: Yesterday I walk in on her swaying JT to sleep...she says "I got him to sleep but when I laid him down he started crying" Well duh, put him down and leave...he can go to sleep on his own!
Now since they've started table food I can't get her to quit!!! She fed them spinach and chicken manicotti last time they were there. OK, fine...they do eat table food but their diapers STUNK like onions...not to mention I just like knowing what they are eating so they don't get too much of one thing throughout the day. She gives them juice. I've asked her not to bc they just don't need it at this stage...they eat TONS of fruit!!!!
So I have resorted to packing them a lunch when they go down there. I pick them up yesterday and I spot sippies with juice..grrrr (extra grr when I see about 2.5oz formula left in one of the bottles!)!!! Then she tells me that they ate most of their chicken, all the cut up tortilla, cheese, and green beans and that they ate 1/2 banana each! WTH? I didn't pack a banana...I packed 2 yogurts! Wanna know why?!?! BC they ate 1/2 banana each for breakfast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is just really getting under my skin and DH always tells her when things bug us but she doesn't listen!! I don't know how to get it through her head that she wanted things done a certain way with her kids just as we do!! I'm at my wits end!!! HELP!!! :help: :help:

 

your post gave me the chuckles! Its like you're talking about my mil!!! :laughing:

anyway, I had very similar issues... Most of the time, though I don't even get a "report" of what they ate or drank or diapers or anything - and that's frustrating too! I was very "by the book" when introducing foods and she'd offered to buy and keep at her house the whole milk yogurt. Well on day she offers that they didn't eat much of the cottage cheese -- WHAT? they hadn't tried cottage cheese... ugh... so then she explains that the yogurt container had some orange stuff in it and (1) she couldn't tell if it was mold (oh great...) or (2) if it was just leftover food from a spoon from before... (what? you put a dirty spoon in your yogurt container?)!!. Anyway, we all lived, but I feel your pain.

And for us its also with diapers... seems that whenever they are with someone else they get rashes - ugh.
One funny moment we still laugh about is that my mil evidently looked at one twin and saw that they were clean and "figured" the other would be too! Ha ha! they are TWO different little people!

As for the food... I would try to explain to her that you've packed their lunch and for her to please finish it and that unless they are really starving there is no need for additional foods. For some reason they just love offering more stuff. We went through the extra banana thing too... so frustrating. I loved the one when they gave them avocado - and I had just given them some that day too... ugh. I try to limit certain foods... and its hard to do that when you don't know what they are offering... good luck.

I also feel your pain with the whole sleeping/waking thing. my mil will always go to extremes to get them to sleep. when they do what yours' do, cry a few min. then fall asleep on their own... its so hard to get it across to the grandparents! Good luck and don't give up, it is nice for your twins to have a nice bond w/grandparents... hopefully all will fall into place for you!

 

I am sorry.

I really think that we all parent differently and that makes the world go round. Not wrong, just different. That said, as a parent, your wishes should be respected. If they are not, you need to decide how important that is to you. If you can not live with the juice, different foods, not respecting your wishes with your child, then you must choose to not have her watch your children. If you can accept it, she can still watch the kids.

Sorry, I wish there was an easier solution. You are already doing everythng right, packing lunches, explaining how you want things, telling her what you don't want.

She has been told about you needing her to respect your parenting choices and still has not changed so odds are, she will not change. Balls in your court.

 

^^ What Alison said. Sorry she is not respecting your wishes.

 

I wish I had some advice for you, but I could have written most of your post myself! I love my MIL but sometimes she drives me :crazy: ! I will say that, if you can hang in there, most of it does get better as the kids get older. There are fewer of those types of issues to disagree about & things get a bit easier. Not to say she doesn't still drive me batty at times, but mostly it's better now! :hug:

 

I loved how you explained yourself here! its true the original poster is already doing everything... that's really frustrating... but I love how you said she will not change... ugh!

I will say that for me it does seem to be getting better now that the babies are older...

 

Sometimes you have to let go and decide what's really important to you. It sounds like your boys are really well cared for and loved when your MIL watches them but she isn't good with the details. Overall, I think that is a win win situation for you. The not eating for 6 hours and her giving them juice when you have asked her not to is annoying but your babies being rocked to sleep every once in a while will not change their sleep habits. Also, be glad she is feeding your babies. The first time we left my oldest with my MIL, we went out and by the time we came home, they were just getting to dinner (we left at 4 and got home at 7, he eats at 5 every night) and be happy she gave them bananas instead of something not good for them like cake or ice cream. I say decide which things you really want to be strict about and let go of the others.

 

we limit sugar with my kids..they just get TOO wired with it...it never fails, however, EVERY time we go to my mom's...my mom or step dad give the kids candy and cookies and all kinds of crap they just don't get often or at all here at home...they'll even sneak it to the kids...they feel it's their "right" as the grandparents..and when i say something i'm told "well, i raised you didn't i?"...ugh...hate to say it, but your mil won't change how she's doing it...figure out if you can let it go or not..if not, stop sending them, it's the only way it won't happen...

 

I feel your pain, although I agree with PP that it does get better as they get older and there isn't much you can do except forbid her to watch the kids. I love my MIL but she drives me insane with babies, which is one thing I'm not looking forward to dealing with again. My MIL hates the fact that I go by what my Dr. says as far as feeding and sleeping goes, she is the type that thinks you can pretty much feed the baby whatever as soon as you want, stomach sleeping is fine and carseats are too much of a pain. She seems to love to bring these things up kind of in a poking fun at me for being so safe type of a way, so it does tend to cause me a lot of added stress. This time I am not going to argue with her or put up with her poking fun at me, I don't need the stress. I plan to tell her straight out this is how I am going to do things with MY baby and if you don't like it you can keep your opinion to yourself and if you cannot follow my rules then I will find a sitter who will to watch them.

 

I would be so happy if someone in my family or my husband's family offered to watch my twins, I wouldn't care what they fed them, as long as it is not something obviously dangerous. I envy people who have families that help out with watching their kids, since it is rare that I get a break. I love my precious babies, but it would be wonderful to have more help from my family....I never got that, not even in the beginning, sure there was lots of offers but no follow thru...everyone we know has too much going on in their own lives to be able to help us. Consider yourself lucky!

 

thanks for reminding me of how lucky I am to have offers of help, and that they are being cared for... and being loved. as time goes by (ours are now almost 18 mo old)... my expectations are lowering a bit, making it easier to chill out a bit... though not sure what I'll do when family start offering sugar items... I'm sure my Momma Bear attitude will come back out!

 

I can certainly see why you are frustrated, but I also know I had no family nearby for my older girls baby years, and I am ETERNALLY greatful for the blessing my IL's have been with the twins. They moved here to be near their grandkids before the twins were born. Yeah, they do it different. YES, the sugar them up, YES they screw up their schedules, YES they ruin their clothes., YES they feed them caffeine tea right before nap time...etc..(yes, I've been there..) But maybe since this is not my first time around the kid block, I am sooo thankful for them being here and spoiling my kids. I look forward to doing the same to my kid's kid's :ibiggrin: