How do you answer this nosy question

I'm totally fine with sharing my IVF experiences with people...my story has helped so many others. But have any of you who have had to conceive thru fertility procedures ever come up with a cuter way of saying they were brought here by medical technology?

 

For that particular question (are they natural?), I generally respond that they are genetically enhanced bionic super beings. Seriously, what kids aren't "natural"? I try to say it with a smile to soften the blow, but seriously it's a bad question, and my answer tells people that. The alternative would be me giving a lecture, because I really hate that question! If they seem to be genuinely interested in whether we had fertility help, I usually just tell them on the off chance that they are struggling with something themselves. Like you, I don't mind talking about it.

 

We had fertility troubles and had help conceiving our boys 5 & 2. Not many people know that unless I share this info. Now this time I got pregnant on my own which I/we never thought possible. Then to find out twins was mind blowing. This is now the #1 question I get asked oh so you had "help". OK fine, but when I tell them no natural it is almost like some smirk like they don't believe me. That bothers me.

 

I totally hate this question! I really don't like going into my personal story with strangers! I was on Clomid when we conceived our twins due to having trouble conceiving after our miscarriage. I would have never thought we would be the "10%" that ended up with twins! LOL I always just try to avoid the question when it comes to strangers.

 

If someone i like and do not mind sharing how our twins were conceived, clomid & IUI, then i will share, if it's someone i know but do not want them knowing our personal business as well as strangers who ask, i simply tell them with a big smile that twins run in both our families, which i am being honest with them b/c they do.....

It's a personal choice, i hate people asking me, but i am proud to say that i have no problem letting others know about the wonderful medical intervention of IUI or in others case of IVF to help out those of us who are unable to conceive either after miscarriages like me or for other reasons. It's an amazing thing!!

 

Same thing here!
My great grandmother did have twins (really) so I just say that..
as far as "do you have help"_ I ALWAYS wanted to answe "why, are you volunteering??"- I'll say that one day although
now I don't get that comment that much...I guess now they just assume is "easier"

 

If a complete stranger asks me the question, I reply my twins are "natural" (because to me they are) and no, there are not twins in the family, isn't that funny? If it's some one I know well, then I will share that I was on clomid when the twins were conceived.

 

For me it also depends on who asks and what mood i'm in. I usually get the question "Do twins run in your family?" And for me they do, so sometimes I say yes they do but mine were through IVF. Sometimes I just say yes they do and move on. And when I'm really in the mood and I have time I give a lecture. I've done this to strangers too and explain how I went through 3 cycles of IVF to get my twins and they are the miracles I thought I'd never have. I always want to add at the end when i can see they can't believe I told them my whole story is...Next time when you see someone with twins think before asking if they "run in the family" because you might get more of an answer then you want to know.

 

Ah yes, "Are they natural?" and "Do twins run in your family"? I usually smile and say, "no, they're from IVF." It is really annoying that people think they're justified in asking this question, but then again I don't want to stigmatize IVF or act like I'm ashamed of "needing help". Infertility gets a bad enough rap as it is. When my boys were first born, it was about the time of the unfortunately-labeled 'Octomom' and so infertily treatments were in the public eye. My two actually came from the exact same process as her - transfer of my own frozen embryos. People were reacting to the 'octomom' story with outcries and legislation to make such treatments harder to get, which is just want we don't need when so many of us have to pay out of pocket already because insurance companies can deny treatment. Most people don't know what FET is so I just was saying IVF. Why the heck people feel the need to know how I got twins is beyond me.

I guess I should respond with something like, "No, they're the first," or "Some distant relatives" when people ask if twins run in my family. I could even say "my brother also has twins" and not mention that they're adopted. I have yet to come up with something clever to respond to the "are they natural" question.

 

My twins were a complete fluke as we were not doing any form of fertility treatments. I have had many friends who have struggled to conceive and realize how personal it is and therefore I get annoyed when people ask me. I use it as an opportunity to 'educate' them and say, "That's not really an appropriate question to ask. Our girls are identical and were a complete surprise, but t's a very sesitive subject for many people so you probably shouldn't ask."

 

Most people ask me "do twins run in your family" and I so NO. Usually they stop at this but sometimes they keep probing. If it is complete strangers I don't tell them anything. If it is people I know I don't mind telling them I took clomid. I took it with both my pregnancys and only ended up with one set of multiples. It also bugs though because people also seem to say "boy it must be a handful could you imagine having more than two at a time" and to this I always respond that My pregnancy was originally tripletes because it was but we lost one baby and that usually shuts people up. I don't know why but having multiples usually brings out the stupidist questions/remarks in people.

 

I hate that question! My DH & I were talking about it the other day as he sees it as not rude... I guess he didn't have everyone on the planet ask him while pregnant, nor does he take the boys out yet by himself.

I love to respond, "We had sex". :yahoo: It's a rude question which deserves a rather blunt answer. If I'm feeling giving, I'll say that they are spontaneous.

I really like the pp's education method, though.

Michelle

 

Me too! I work in medicine so I knew the risk and yet I never even considered it a possibility until it happened. I look at Clomid as something that helped me ovulate more regularly, but hubby and I did all the work I just smile and tell them that the twins are the first in our family and that they were completely unexpected.

 

Here are some things I'd love to say but not sure if I'd have the guts....

"we keep our personal medical history to ourselves".

"before I tell you about my personal medical history why don't we talk about YOURS... how was your last pap test / do you have pain during sex ? / do you have any sexual disfunction ?"

"are you asking if my husband jerked off in a cup ?" (a bit crude sorry)

or just simply "why do you want to know ?"

"why are you asking ?"


I respect that you are open to discuss your IF issues, I just wish that people would respect those who dont' wish to discuss it.

Heather

 

People always assume that we had "help" with conceiving our twins because they dont run in either side of our family. We didnt and I dont see why it matters if we did or not. Its just kindof annoying.

This is kind of a spin off of the original post but my BIGGEST pet peeve that people always ask me is "Do you ever get them mixed up?" Yes I occasionally call them by eachothers name, one time I even put them in the wrong cribs. Are they TRYING to make me feel like a horrible mom??

 

I get this question alot too... and hate it as well!

 

The first question I get is does it run in the family..no actually it doesn't but my step-dad is an identical twin..how cool is that? But really what drives me crazy is when they find out my twins are #6 & #7 they say wow how can you handle that, or you must be super mom or I can't handle one or don't you know what causes that? just all that stuff that drives me crazy!! I love my kids, all of them and God has totally blessed us with our children. I can't imagine looking at any of them and saying my life would be better if I didn't have that child..come on!! I am far far from super mom.. I am just a mom with 7 children..do they get on my nerves? Why yes what child doesn't?? But if you ask them..namely my teens..do I get on their nerves..yep! Then I get that are you done now?? you gonna have anymore...or you shouldn't have anymore now because of what you went thru with the twins pregnancy..WHY??? who's place is it to say how many children my husband and I have?? We take care of them..my husband works hard to financially support us..gosh that drives me crazy..even within my own family. Okay I am done now..just had to vent!! I am now jumping off my soap box..have a great day! :silly:

 

I think that children are a blessing and a gift from God desregarding if they were "natural", came through medical assistance or even adopted.

From that perspective I really hate it a lot when someone asks such question especially that we've been married for 10 years before we had our two wonderful babies. I always answer that when God wants to bless a person with children nothing "stops" in his way, and that I prayed God and he answered my prayers.

 

I have been known to say "it just worked out that way." Which it did, after I took clomid. The first round didn't work, and the second round felt like it had to make up for that.

And I actually know the answer to this! I call my sons by each other's names all the time, and they are 2.5 yrs apart (but they actually look more similar than my twins). The reason is that the brain has things filed like this: "male child I gave birth to" and either son lights up that category. So either name in that category might come out of my mouth. All humans do this, not just MoMs. The brain organizes in groups of related items, rather than putting everything into individual categories.

 

Yes, the questions get annoying, but I've come to the conclusion that people who don't have twins, are intensely curious about them! Almost to the point of obsession sometimes. I know when I see twins now I can just smile and nod to the parents and know that we are part of a group that the majority of people don't get to be a part of. It's like a fraternity that you walk by every day and wish you were a part of, but don't qualify

So when I get asked the questions I don't get annoyed. What mom doesn't enjoy talking about her children?! "Are they natural?" "Yes, they are naturally ours, but we did have to do fertility treatments to get them." If they look interested, I can tell them that I don't ovulate on my own, that it took 2 yrs to get my dd and 16 months and 2 m/c's to get the twins, and that we feel God blessed us with 2 babies to make up for the 2 babies He had to take back to heaven. When they say "Aren't you glad there wasn't 6?" (mine were born around octomom's big debut too) I say "There could have been 3, I had 3 follicles, so we are happy with just 2." "Are you done now?" "Yep, we're thrilled with 4 and feel our family is complete!"