Our boys have a great dad, true… but is he just a SUPER great dad, or am I a deficient mom?

Our boys have a great dad, true… but is he just a SUPER great dad, or am I a deficient mom?



My spouse is able to calm the boys for bedtime- with me, they have a meltdown!



I know our boys have a great dad, true… but is he just a SUPER great dad, or am I a deficient mom?



I try to be a good mom, but either something about my spouse is super special, or something about me is super deficient.



Every night at bedtime, whichever baby I am trying to hold-soothe to sleep has a MAJOR meltdown once he starts getting tired. I am even trying to mimic baby placement/holding, etc. to a T to what my spouse does- but it doesn't seem to matter.



This has been going on since the last time the boys were sick- about a month ago.



With their dad- they slowly drift to sleep.



Here's an example of the last three nights:



Spouse held baby A Monday and Tuesday night on a pillow. Baby A slowly drifted off to sleep while they watched TV. I held Baby B. Once baby B started getting tired, major meltdown. I tried different positions, walking, bottles, etc…. then gave up and handed him to his dad after about a 30 minute meltdown and baby A was in bed.



Last night I decided to hold baby A as I thought baby B and I hadn't had good rapport during bedtime. So, what happened? Baby B hung out with dad and slowly drifted to sleep. Baby A seemed mellow, happy, giggly, playing games with me… I thought bedtime was off to a great start until he got tired. Then, major meltdown wailing, squirming. For 30 minutes or so. Again, I tried different positions, singing, walking, soothing, etc. Gave up and handed him to his dad. Who soothed him for a few minutes. Baby A quickly calmed down, and drifted off to sleep within minutes.



Anyone else feel like their spouse is better at a parenting task than they? Anyone else feel deficient in a similar matter? Somehow, I think it is me, because their grandmother doesn't seem to have issues with them at bedtime, either.... but not quite as an easy time as their dad...

 

Do you give them breastmilk or nurse? At lot time babies get distracted by the smell of breastmilk that's on a Mom. Even if you don't BM, Mom can still be associated with food, so gives the baby trouble. HSHHC even suggests that the Dad would be better calming then at night for this reason. It isn't you! You aren't a bad mom, just Mom!

 

Alot of times my girls respond better to DH than they do to me. But I always assumed it was b/c since I home with them all day I am tired and more tired of them by the end of the day. He comes home tired from work, but he's so glad to see them that he's more "new" to them. Plus, I'm the one who does all of the "not fun" stuff like their change their diapers and wash their faces and get them dressed (which they hate) and he just gets to come home and do fun stuff with them and put them to bed.

When they were newborns he was definitely way better at it than I was. He did all the diaper changes for the first 24 hours after they were born.

 

I always tease that my Baby A hates my stench (I Breastfeed). MANY times he calms down so well for DH, and it takes FOREVER/sometimes I CAN'T calm him. It's getting better, but I think it makes my husband feel good- he's very important in their lives, too. The first time it happened, I cried (hormones), now- I consider it a blessing. How about having DH put them down for a week or so - & go & take a hot bath. You'll be relaxed and they'll be happy.

Enjoy your "me" time,

Michelle

4 week old id boys.

 

How old are they again? My DH was deployed when they were 3-5 months, but they always calmed better for me (or in the swing) because he would get frustrated with them pretty quickly. He is more a kid guy than a baby guy. Enjoy the fact that you have that help (and good help no less!).

 

Thank you everyone, for your replies. I feel a bit better!

No, I don't BF anymore. I used to until they were about 3 months old. And unfortunately, I'm not at home with them all day. Our boys are 11 months old.

It is reassuring to know, however, that I am not the only parent who experienced something like this.

And yes, I am very, very thankful for the boys' father!

 

I am with Aimee on this one. My twosome do respond better to DH most of the time because he does do more of the fun stuff with them and I am with them most of the day, so he is "new" to them as well. My DH could (and still can) get them to sleep for the night much better then I can. You are definitely not alone in feeling this way :hug:

 

Our girls have certain things they do better for me and certain things they do better for DH. They eat better for me, but they'll let him change a diaper without flipping over and running across the room. I'm home with the little stinkers all day, but as soon as Daddy gets home from work, they literally melt-down and cry if he doesn't pick them up immediately. And he MUST pick up both of them at the same time.

Don't feel bad. If I were you, I'd follow that advice about going to take a bath! :laughing:

 

i certainly don't think it is anything that you are doing, but it does sound like you have developed some anxiety about it which they might be picking up on. i think you should let your DH put them down for a couple days without you and then start fresh again. i'm sure it is a phase that will pass...

 

why would the kids not like the 'stench' of mom's BM? wouldnt they be closer to her bc she BF's?