What do you do when your kids fight over toys?

My girls keep receiving toys that they only get one of. The latest is a really cool toy double stroller that my mom picked up at a garage sale. now, I know it's important to let them learn to work out how to share toys and get along, but at the same time, I try to limit the no. of catfights and times I have to drag them kicking and screaming off each other to less than a dozen a day, for my own personal sanity. So what I typically do is if it's something stupid (like a Mcdonalds toy) I make them share and help them time how long they each get it for about a day, then if they're still making a fuss with each other or I have to continue to time their play with the item for multiple days, I make it disappear. If they ask where it went, I don't lie, I just tell them that they didn't do a good job of sharing on their own and so it got thrown away or donated (whichever applies). I just don't have the energy to constantly monitor how long each girl has had the toy and who gets it next. In the case of the double stroller, I had told my Mom not to even give it to them, but rather sell it again because I knew it was going to be a source of constant fighting (and I was right). I remember when I was pregnant I swore I wouldn't buy two of everything for them because they had to learn how life isn't always even-stevens and they need to learn to share... HAH, I'm too tired to be the perfect mom, I just want peace and QUIET already! :girl_devil:
What do you do?

 

In general, I make them take turns. I monitor it if they aren't able to trade it back & forth peacefully. But as you said, there are times when I don't have the time or the patience to do this! In those cases, I tell them that I'm not going to keep track of it, so they know it's up to them. I rehearse with them how they can ask each other for a turn. Then I basically let them work it out (or duke it out). Fortunately they get lots of practice at preschool with sharing & taking turns, so I know they know how -- that makes me feel a little bit better about leaving it up to them, because if they choose to fight about it instead, it's not for lack of other skills.

 

I had to choose more than one answer because it depends. Usually I try to let them work it out, encouraging them to "use their words." If that doesn't work, I have them take turns, and if THAT doesn't work the toy goes in time out for awhile.

 

I set a timer and say that when the timer goes off, the other kid gets the toy. so far that has worked (I even use "the time in my head" if we're away from home), but my guys are younger than yours. If the fighting continues or starts again a short time later, I'll take away the toy and say they can't play with it again until they show me they can share and play nicely together. That strategy has mixed results- sometimes they listen, sometimes it's just insane screaming in response.
Could you assign the girls their own day to play with the toy? So one would get the stroller on Monday, the other on Tuesday? Or make it a sort of reward, like if one of the girls finishes her dinner, she gets 10 minutes with the toy (but otherwise, it's put away)?

 

I let them duke it out. This is true for a lot of things. I usually try to let them work it out until blood or serious injury occurs and then I step in. :aggressive: :laughing:

 

Pretty much the same thing, although I do warn them each time that if they don't work it out, and then if they don't use their words, that the toy is going away for the day.

 

Same here! I would say this is pretty spot on on how we handle it.

 

I rarely get 2 of anything.

When the fighting starts, I try to get them to work it out themselves, take turns, use their words etc.
If that works the object of their desire gets taken away and no one gets to play with it for a half hour.

 

same here, although we do have two doll strollers - one of the few things we have two of. I wouldn't get rid of it altogether, this is a great leaning opportunity for them - and yes, it will make you crazy!! BTW, my girls still fight over their strollers at times, so two is not the answer.

 

I, too, had to choose multiple choices because it depends on the situation.

If child #1 was clearly playing with a toy and child #2 tries to take it away, the toy goes to child #1 with a reprimand to child #2 to not take toys, but to ask nicely for a turn or to share.

If both kids are playing with a toy when the argument begins or child #2 does ask nicely but gets a negative response, one of two things can happen depending on the level of the argument. It it is simply, "Mommy, so-and-so won't share," or a calm disagreement about sharing, then I make them share and if necessary, set a time limit. But, if they are both being mean or the argument turns physical, I take the toy away for a period of time (normally the rest of the day). If it happens repeatedly with a specific toy, I may take it for longer or even make it "disappear".

 

We have never bought two of any toy. Last year the boys were each given a play keyboard by my SIL and I thought it was a pain to have two of the same toy and put one in the locked closet. IMHO, it seems silly and a waste of money to have two of the same toy. They just fight over whose is whose, or still want the same one!

On to the subject though! It's hard to pick just one answer because occasionally a situation will arise that needs to be handled a bit differently. My kids each have one toy that is very special to them and they don't have to share that - at all. The rest of the toys are for all to play with. They still know which toy belongs to which kid, but are really good about sharing. We've been doing that from day 1. Sometimes, though, they do fight over a toy, or pull the "That is MY toy!" act. I validate their claim of ownership but remind them that we share. If that doesn't work the kid that is throwing the fit goes to TO.

Sometimes we have had to use the timer for bigger toys like our inside jumping toy or the Cozy Coupe. When they know the timer is set and they all get a turn, we rarely ever have a problem.

 

I typically try to determine who had it first (not always possible). Whoever had it first gets it first. Then I institute a time limit: 10 seconds (counted aloud) if we are in public or the car, and a few minutes on the timer if we are at home.

My boys have gotten sneaky - Jacob, especially. He will walk straight up to Jackson to steal a toy and start screaming to him "Jackson, I had it first!! I had it first!!" :lol:

 

If I know who had the toy first I then give the toy to that child. If I haven't got a clue I will sometimes let them duke it out or try distraction. We just turned 2 and the concept of taking turns is tough for them.

 

I totally agree with this. It's just what we do. :good:

 

We break out the video camera, and try to get some of the action on tape. :laughing: (Seriously, you should have seen my kids fighting over a water bottle yesterday. I don't even know why I buy toys! I gotta post a clip.)

No, really, we do all the stuff PP's mentioned -- if it's a minor squabble, we don't intervene. It's tough because Karina can be a bully, and she'll hit Kevan with the toy and yell, "No Kevan! Don't touch! MINE!" To be fair, he does try to take everything she's playing with. And then, he'll start screaming and will tackle her to the ground and pin her, and she'll kick him in the head.

Then, mass chaos ensues, and I usually end up taking the toy away, and they both kvetch for awhile and then move on.

Dude, it's LOUD at my house.

 

Becca, your post made me LOL!

I have them take turns most of the time, and they "get" it pretty well--but i make the one that wants to take the toy find something else that his sister/her brother might want to play with in the meantime. and for some reason, the offended party almost always consents. or, if they really don't want to give up a toy, i'll say "let's find something else you can play with" and 9 times out of 10 they will run after me and take the new toy and give up the toy they were fighting for in the first place. what can i say--2-year-olds are fickle. :laughing:

i haven't instituted a time limit yet, basically i let them work that out.

 

Mine are younger than yours, but I mostly take the toy away for 30 minutes or so when the fight over it. (And I put it out of sight. If they can see it, tantrums will last a lot longer!)

First line of defense is to try to give the toy back to the kid who had it first and tell the other one that she/he needs to wait her turn. This almost never works as the kid always keeps trying to steal the toy. So then it goes away for awhile with an explanation about how that toy is causing them to fight so it needs to go away for awhile until they can share or take turns nicely.