The boys are brutal to dh

Does anyone elses kids HATE their dad!?

I know...it is a phase but it has been going on forever here and does not look like it is going to end anytime soon.

That is our main problem here! He can barely look at them and they throw a fit. Some examples....

If we are all in the car, the one that sits behind him wants to crawl across the car and get out on my side. And when it is time to get in the car, they wont let dh buckle them in.

If something falls on the floor and he picks it up for them, they say I have to do it and throw a fit.

If they need their food cut, and dh starts to do it, they freak.

They are mean to him. One barely looks at him.

I think they feed off each other...in fact, I know they do. If it was just one, I dont think this would be happening but it is like they think they have to do this because the other is doing it and thats just how it is.

Dh is home enough. It is not like he is always working and they dont see him. I do think he needs to take them out by themselves. When he is home though, I like to go with so we can all be together but maybe I just need to hang back.

I cant tell you enough what a loving and amazing and involved dad dh is! I have zero complaints. I almost wish I did just so I had an answer to their awful behavior around him. It is tiring for all of us.

So as far as solutions, we have tried many things including just letting dh finish helping them regardless of how bad they spaz. We do time outs if they throw a fit with him too. Maybe we are not consistent enough. There are times I just do it because the patience in me is running really low and I cant handle their whining/fits all the time!

I need help!!!!!!!!!!!

 

That must be really hard on your DH, and know that because my girls go in phases when Daddy is around they only want him. I know they don't really *mean* it, but it's still upsetting, especially the longer it goes on. I think your idea about hanging back more and them having more alone time with Daddy is a good one. <--- is for your DH!!

The other thing, and this is a hard one, but the more DH & I react to it the worse it gets, ya know?

 

Yes, this is so true. My DS went through a phase where it was all about Daddy and would do the things you are mentioning to me. :cry: It sucked and I know he didn't mean it, but it made me sad anyway. Anyway, I just wanted to say I feel bad for your hubby, I know how he feels. :hug:

Solutions: I like your solution of having the hubby take the boys out alone (or only with one to get some one on one time) I know that recently my two started getting that way, I had to do everything. :gah: They had this weekend just the three of them and now DH can do things again for them.

 

My older two started to do that once. It really hurt dh's feelings and was so hard.

We talked about it and when ever they acted that way, he would take over. If they didn't like it, too bad. I sometimes would have to step outside so they didn't have a choice between us. We NEVER gave in to their bad behavior and they soon realized when they acted like that, they NEVER got what they wanted and always got dad.

 

I could have written a very similar post regarding "strong preference" for Mom. Mine are 4 and until recently, neither would let DH help with anything and I mean anything. It has gotten better the last couple of months, but when asked, it is always Mommy. My husband usually does something on his own with them on Sat AM and we alternate Sun AMs. We originally started this because I needed a break, but I think it has been a good way for them to learn to deal with each other . I am definitely more strict and when I threaten, I follow through. DH does not. Sometimes I wonder if the kids comfort is related to knowing what to expect when they are with me vs. DH who threatens until he is blue in the face and you never know when he means business.

 

I think 'strong preference' sounds better than 'hate'! I should have used that term! You can see my frustration! They dont hate him! They just have a strong preference for me!

Thanks everyone for your responses so far!!!

 

:hug: Nicole! I'm sure that is very hard for your dh. I would definitely say have him do more one on one outings with them so they don't have a choice between the two of you. This too shall pass.

 

Nicole, I think some of it will just go away as they get older. I remember when Andrew was their age he would react strongly to anything DH did. He would literally run to the door, slam it in DH's face when he'd come home from work and scream for him to go away. I think that was the hardest part for us, because it hurt more than simply wanting mommy do things instead of daddy. And I agree, reacting to it really just made it worse. Right now, they're learning so much and realizing that they not only have opinions, but can express them. They want to be independent (oh Lord, Blake and his need to buckle himself....ugh) and assert it...it's just a tough age.

It really will pass. :hug: for both of you.

 

Mine are not quite that bad, but they definitely prefer Mommy. I know it bothers DH, but he is good at having a thick skin and understanding it's just a phase. He tries to have a sense of humor about it too. It definitely helps to have him spend time alone with them (especially one-on-one). In fact after he spent the afternoon with Sarah last weekend, she insisted on having him do everything for the whole next day! He also takes them nearly every Sunday morning on his own.

When they do demand Mommy, we've tried responding both ways -- in some situations, we insist that Mommy is taking this kid and Daddy is taking that one, and no amount of screaming is going to change that. (For instance, when DH is home in the evening, I'm not getting both of them ready for bed by myself!) Other times, when it's not that big a deal, I will just do both -- like washing their hands after meals.

 

Only one of mine is a die-hard Mommy's boy. The other one loves & appreciates his Mama (my DP) and I equally. Jackson, however, only wants me - period. He often completely ignores DP, and runs away from her about 75% of the time when she tries to engage with him. She watches them both when I go to school at night, so she has plenty of alone time with them, but I'm still the Mommy and he prefers me. That said, he also asks about her all day long when she is not here. When she is here, though, he treats her like crap. I don't know why this happens, but hopefully they will outgrow it. I can't even imagine having BOTH of them be like that - it would be exhausting to be so demanded upon (as the mom) and to have such strong disrespect taking place in the family (towards dad, in your case). :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

I know it's no help, Nicole, but mine are pretty much the same way and I'm hoping it's just a phase and they will get over it. My two (and I'm sure yours as well) don't really dislike Daddy so much as they just really LOVE Mommy. I have to do everything for them. If I leave them to go have a shower, they will sit outside the door & yell at me & say they miss me. If you find a way to get them over it, let me know!! :hug:

 

mine waffle back and forth between Tony and I - some days its all about Daddy and I could go to hell and some days its the opposite...usually if its going to be a big deal I just take Abby and Tony takes Ian and that keeps the peace...

 

You need to hop a plane to Denver for a weekend and let Dh be alone with them

I wouldn't have him stop doing anything for them. Just have him try to steel himself and just keep buckling etc..... if he gets mad or anything, he'll fuel their fire!

Also, maybe have Daddy take them to do something SUPER FUN with them alone! Like a play place or something like that! (A happy meal and a play area!!! If they do well, he can surprise them with an ice cream cone!) Just a thought.... be SUPER FUN DADDY!

 

Same situation here. It's just starting to get a little better with the twins. Emma still tends to want to hang with me, but Jake often times actually wants to go with Daddy. Thank goodness, because it's been all me for 3+ years! :faint:

Don't worry, one day they will find out how much fun daddy is and leave you in the dust!

 

I pulled this quote from Erin's post because this is exactly what my 2 do to my dh - they talk about him ALL day - and he gets home and they treat him like CRAP! what is up with that??

Last Saturday he came home from work, we had just been talking about daddy, I was sitting on the bed in their room - he sat down beside me and they FREAKED! a passer by would have thought he was trying to kill me! I feel so bad for him I know he has to think they hate him and he has been so happy to have girls - he thought that they would surely be daddy's girls but nope! maybe one day????? this has been hard on me too! because they freak every time he tries to help out - he just doesn't try anymore

he does work nights and sleeps all day so that may be our issue!?

THANK YOU! for posting this, I thought my 2 were the only ones that were having this problem!!

 

I just wanted to give you a :hug: I hope it's a phase and gets better for him and you!!

 

Oooh, ooh, can I come too? :woo:


Nicole, YES!!!!!!! L is like this. Working just two mornings a week is SO hard because I always get the "don't go to work mommy, I no like daddy". :blink: I think our problem is that I might be a firm discipliner, but I show her consistency and she needs that. He is all over the place with the discipline and sometimes it sounds like they are fighting like siblings. There are times where she screams for only mommy to help her and sometimes, like you, we give in because we're all exhausted and it's just not worth it. Other times, we stand firm and just ignore her behavior basically.

:hug: to you girl!!

 

I mentioned this thread to DH this morning. He had just gotten in a tussle with Sarah -- he tried to help her carry her milk to the table, and instead of just telling him she didn't want help, she flipped out and came running to me (in the bathroom, naturally ). I calmed her down and walked her back to the table, but when she saw DH sitting there having his breakfast, she wailed, "I don't want Daddy to look at me!"

To be fair, Sarah does the same thing when she has just gotten in a fight with me. She can't stand to be faced with the consequences of her behavior -- her response is to try to disappear into the floor, but failing that, she just doesn't want anyone to look at her. But it's always worse with DH.

 

BIG HUGE :hug: Nicole!! You can add my two to that list. My girls have gotten a little better, but if I am around, it is all about me. They could care less about dh and it really hurts his feelings. :cry: I think Tina hit the nail on the head.