Don't Pity Me!

My boys will be 3 weeks old tomorrow, & I'm getting a little sick of everyone (with the exception of DH & 1 good friend) pitying me "having" to nurse twins. Or, being incredulous that I considered it and have been able to do it.

After reading these forums, I feel lucky/privileged to be nursing exclusively- these kids have never had ANYTHING other than ME! :yahoo:

Yes, it's hard. No, I don't get much sleep- much more than a couple hours at a time. But I have a really supportive husband and am blessed to be able to nap and function. I sleep after the 7pm and 10pm feed every night and am able to do the continual feeding. But, they are growing, healthy little boys.

Currently I am warding off both my MIL (who flew from Michigan to Colorado & is OBSESSED with the boys... to the point where DH & I have to tell her, "Don't get him out of the carseat... we're leaving as soon as ____ is in HIS carseat!") & my own mother, who really want me to give the boys formula.

My MIL commented when she first came out that she wished I could get a break & take a night off... maybe I could use some of the pumped & frozen milk for this & she could feed them??? I calmly explained that if we did that, I'd have to pump anyway & b/c they are so little/I'm so new to this, it might affect my supply. So now she takes phone calls and says to people, "Michelle has to feed them, so she doesn't get much sleep..." STOP PITYING ME!!!

I guess I'm learning quickly how much people who don't have twins or have had a baby in a quarter decade, understand.

Thanks,

Michelle

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:hug: BTDT! It is amazing that people think they know better what is best for your babies. Just think though, your MIL will eventually be flying away home. It is EXTREMELY helpful that you and your dh is on the same team. Sounds like he is a blessing!
Congratulations on your twins. Perhaps if you sat them down and explained why you are breastfeeding it might help a little bit. :hug:

 

Pity you? No way! I envy you! Keep at it -- it does get much easier, as the babies will start sleeping longer stretches at night, and you'll be able to rest. I'm so glad your DH is supportive.

Lucky, lucky babes you have!

 

Yes, I look forward to her going back... unfortunately, now she's talking about coming out for the holidays, plus DH & I want to go back in the spring to show people the babies who can't travel.

Thanks- DH actually wants me to nurse them until 2... until he saw how big a 2 yr old actually is, LOL!

I try to explain all the benefits- decreased cancer risks for me, huge life-long benefits for the boys and my MIL actually breastfed DH for the first 3 months of his life, you'd think she'd kind of understand... but these people are all about how this is a huge imposition on me.

 

Congratulations!! it is great that you are able to feed your boys. I wanted to so much but I couldn't produce enough and my boys were awful feeders(even with the bottle). It seems that breast feeding has become an inconveince to a lot of people which is really to bad. Not only is it extreamly benefical to their health but it is also always available and there is not cost or clean up involved. If it is not easy to ignore the comments then I would call people on them and tell them you don't appreciate it. When I was pregnant with my twins people kept saying "I am so sorry to hear that" as if it was the worst thing in the world. I finally started telling people that the comment was really rude and that I was blessed to have these twins and didn't appreciate them talking as if it was the end of my life. Best of luck

 

Well I dont think people have kids because they are a convenience! They are alot of work but well worth the effort no matter how you're feeding them.
Kudos to you for nursing them :Clap: despite the pity from others and lack of support from relatives (except DH). In the longrun nursing is WAY easier, faster, convenient etc. Maybe they are thinking short term?
I think people just really want to "help" and for some reason people see feeding as the big thing they can do so they get kinda pushy about it.
Hang in there and good for you for sticking to your guns

 

you're doing a great job! keep at it!! and congrats for having dh on board... though that's funny about him being supportive until 2yo... until he saw how big a 2yo its! ha ha!!

I like the advice to call people on the carpet about how rude their comments are. Basically these are YOUR children... and YOU get to decide what and when and how to feed them. I will say, that I bf'd ours w/no formula, and continue to bf now that they are almost 17 months. It is possible... and its way easier! If you do want to go out for the evening then do it... I have a monthly girls night that I didn't miss ... I think it ended up being with the babies were about 2 or 3 wks old, it was great to go out... and believe me I was full and ready to pop when I got home, but I either fed them right way and then pumped, or pumped if they were sleeping... that's so long ago, I don't remember. You're right skipping a feeding w/o pumping on a routine basis will affect your supply, but the one off time won't... But if you'd rather not go out, then tell them thanks but no thanks.

And I like being able to tell people I am BLESSED to be able to (1) have two babies and (2) breastfeed them! what a blessing it is! and then if you need to slide in the comment... about well I've got two breasts, so I might as well use them simultaneously... that would be a fun comment!

Enjoy your little ones! you're doing a great job!!

 

Michelle, you are AWESOME! :clapping:

The attitudes you're coming up against reflect some myths about BFing that drive me absolutely nuts. Namely, that it's soooo hard and such a burden on the mother. All of us here know that yes, it is hard in the beginning, but then the hard work pays off and it gets lots easier, much easier than fussing with bottles all the time. And the hard parts - well, if something's worth having, it's worth working for!

I wish I had some sage advice on how to deal with annoying people. But just know that you're doing a great job.

(PS - Ditto Maybell that skipping one feeding or one pumping session will not hurt your supply. IF you want. Not because poor little exhausted you is headed for the loony bin otherwise! :lol: )

 

I think people usually mean well and they are trying to seem helpful..."you should take a break...there's nothing wrong with giving the bottle/formula ya know.....you're breastfeeding twins!! oh that must be so hard" etc. etc. etc. But I don't think they realize that to me it feels like they are undercutting what I'm are trying to do and then I feel like I constantly have to defend/explain my decision to breastfeed twins, like it's something unorthodox or weird. Many, many of my friends have breastfed their babies and I have 2 friends that have nursed their twins exclusively for at least a year so around them I feel so much support. But when I go to work I feel like people are saying, "oh there she goes again with that pump!" or "you're still breastfeeding!" and I almost feel like I'm doing something wrong. But at least I know deep down that I'm not and in fact I'm doing something wonderful. I consider breastfeeding twins to be one of the greatest accomplishments of my whole life. It was so hard at first but it has been such a wonderful experience overall and I'm so glad I did it. So I just try to focus on that when I feel the "pity!!"

So great job!!! Keep on going and stay strong!

shannon

 

Lucky little babies you have there. Stay with it and enjoy every minute (well, almost every minute). I did a little eye-rolling at people's comments, but for the most part I found people to be incredibly supportive and somewhat in awe that I could and would nurse twins. I liked it and didn't find it hard after the first 10 or so weeks, but I still let them think I was some sort of super hero now and then. I hope the pity is a rare response in your years of nursing to come!

 

I've decided to take advantage of the MIL staying with us and use her for babysitting tomorrow night as DH & I don't have anybody, yet, who we feel is ready to tackle the babies other than her. So tomorrow night I will nurse them, who knows, I may even pump a bit during the day to have a "snack" for them JUST IN CASE they get hungry. But on second thought may not as I know the MIL is chomping at the bit to feed them bottles and my DH himself has food issues (no concept of full) to which I attribute to her constant "they must be hungry if they cry" mantra.

Then, after they are good and full, DH & I are going out to dinner! :lol: I'm planning on coming back before they're ready to eat.

It's not so much that I'm afraid of skipping 1 feeding; it's more a whole night that she wants to do that I'm afraid would not be good for me.

LOL- 2 breasts/simultaneously!!! When people asked me when I was pregnant if I planned on BF'ing, I'd say yes. They'd look at me funny & my usual response was that there's 2 of them & 2 parts of me... it's not like they're quads or something!

Maybe it's the whole transition to being out in public, feeling a bit like a freak (there's SO many eyes on me/them now) + the BFing questions combination + hormones :diablo: that's making me a bit sensitive, who knows?

Thanks for understanding-

Michelle

 

Ok, Move to my town!

Everyone here is breastfeeding obsessed. Not kidding.

People pity me and think I'm nuts for exclusivly pumping! They figure if I'm not going to do it right then I should just go formula and forget it. Sheesh!

You are blessed to be able to do it and keep doing it! :Clap:

 

I can totally relate! I exclusively nursed my twin boys-they never took bottles. I've had people look at me like I have 2 heads when they found out I was nursing. The boys' first pediatrician even told me to not even bother, because it was too much for me to nurse twins.

But anyway, good for you for nursing them!

 

Oh boy, do I ever understand...I ha some supply issues in the beginning, & 1 of my daughters was in the NICU for 2 weeks, so I would pump for her & I also supplemented bth girls with formula for the first few weeks. I have now been BFing my girls for 11 months!! My MIL was adamant that children needed formula, & I had great difficulty understanding her position. No-one in her family BF'd. She even told me that my children wouldn't grow without formula! My DH explained to me that she couldn't bear to think that breast milk might be better than formula, because she had only ever formula fed her babies. My babies were 6 weeks old and she was telling me stories about babies given nothing but milk who died of "milk anaemia". WTH????? I was a total basket case by the time she left. The second time they visited, my girls were 5 months old. By this stage she had finished having fits over my breastfeeding, and had moved onto total panic that I hadn't given the girls solid foods yet. My "The pediatrician said wait until 6 months" was met with her "Baloney!" When she saw my healthy and happy 14lb daughters, she even commented "I cannot believe how big they have gotten without food!" My DH and I still laugh about that...

My MIL also tried to give the girls formula when I was out shopping one day. She told me she was going to, & I told her to go ahead, but that I'd leave som EBM in the 'fridge in case she needed it. I was a bit snaeky, because both of my girls disliked the taste of formula & would refuse to drink it. I came home from shopping that day & my very sheepish MIL explained that both girls had screamed and refused the formula bottle, but totally guzzled the EBM.... :spiteful:


Can you tell my MIL and I have a somewhat contentious relationship!!!!

 

My neighbor, an elderly man, had an interesting conversation with me. We ran into him on an early morning walk. He asked me if I had fed the babies yet that morning. I replied, "yes, I nursed them." The babies were about 5 months old then. "Wow, you're still nursing them?" he responded. "How old are they?" I told him that they were 5 months and he was so shocked to hear that I would still be nursing them. He then said, "how much longer are you going to keep doing THAT?" I replied, "I hope to nurse them until they are least a year old. Many women nurse their babies much longer than that, until they are 2 or 3." He just gave me this weird look like I was crazy. I guess he's from the formula generation. He was married and has kids. Maybe his ex-wife never nursed them. It didn't have anything to do with them being twins, just their age and the fact that I was still nursing.

Anyway, sorry for the random story. I think it's fabulous that you're nursing your babies. Keep up the great work. Remember, it's okay if you miss a feeding or pumping session every once in awhile. I allowed myself one miss per week. Now I don't really miss nursing or pumping sessions at all. We just go out after our babies are in bed.

 

that's a great place to start with going out and not missing any feedings... take it as slow as you need and yet take advantage of the offers of help too...

the whole part about feeling like a freak show does subside... I think when they are little itty bitties there are many more questions about twins etc. and yes, its the hormones too that are making you crazy too! that will settle down soon too.

keep up the good work!

 

People don't understand how awesome it is to nurse and how mothering a child even when you are tired is still the best thing in the world! I remember the first time I went out for a friend's wedding without my DD, all I wanted to do was get home to see her. I know I will be the same way with these two little cuties! being a parent is fanastic and you are doing a wonderful job! Way to go!