Tell me about having one after two

Hi, I'm new here and I apologize if this is not the right place for this post. I have beautiful 14-month-old b/g twins from IVF and up until very recently we were absolutely sure we were done. We have several frozen embryos, which we thought about donating but never felt quite certain about it. Well, now that my kids are a bit older, I'm very tentatively considering the idea of a third and it scares me to even think about it. I'm in New York, where two kids feels like a lot and I don't even know anyone with three here. Space and money would certainly be a big issue but I'm also worried about how having another would affect the two that I have. Would the youngest feel left out because the twins are so close? Would the baby have a closer bond with the same sex sibling and leave one of the twins feeling left out? Would having a baby mean that I'll never have the time to give individual attention to anyone? Would we all just be completely overwhelmed and exhausted at all times? Will we ever leave the house, do fun activities, go out to eat, travel? Can three kids realistically share a room and if so for how long? (We have a spacious but only 2-bedroom condo and cannot afford more space for at least a few years). I feel like we're at a really good place right now. The kids are so much fun and are very manageable and I'm afraid we'll have to give up too much to have 3. And yet I keep thinking about it every day. So it would really help to hear what it's like with twins and one more and any advice you may have on making that decision. Thanks!

 

My twins were almost 3 when Evan was born. It has been a joy. Work, but a joy. Evan has been a great baby and the twins really enjoy him. I love having all of them. I can't imagine my life without the little one. It is a different experience with just one.

 

I don't think I could have given my boys a greater gift than their little sister and soon-to-be little brother. They have been FABULOUS with her and she is such a joy to have in our lives. I have 4 siblings myself and know that, despite differences and squabbles, I couldn't imagine my life without them.

Do NOT let the fact that you don't know anyone else who has 3 be a factor in your decision. Only you and your DH know what's best for you.

 

Having my baby girl after the boys has been the best thing ever and I can't imagine life without her. I knew I wasn't done after having the boys, but our family felt complete after baby girl.

Yes, it's hard (the boys and baby are 20 months apart), but great at the same time. The boys are in a good place and do interact with her especially now that she's more mobile and playful. The boys have taken to having a baby sister all in stride which I think is an advantage of being twins...they are already used to sharing your attention...you KWIM. It took a while, but we're getting comforable going out with all three, knowing what everybody needs, etc. It takes some getting used to, and the early months are hard, just like any newborn phase, but definitely doable and worthwhile.

If you are wanting to add that third, I say go for it and give it a try...don't let the fact that others don't have 3 kiddos scare you off or the logistics of it scare you either...you will work it out.

 

I have three soon to be four, but I had my singleton then twins. Having three is obviously a lot more work, but so worth it! My girls get along great for the most part and we have all three sharing a room even though we have three bedrooms, it works fine for us. Yes going out to eat and traveling will be more expensive and a little tougher, but still definitely doable. Only you and your DH can make the decision, good luck with whatever you decide.

 

Thanks for all your replies! It's great to hear that things can be doable with three and that kids generally do tend to get along. The logistics definitely are a big concern for us but not knowing anyone with 3 is a pretty minor factor in our decision. I think we'd go for it if we both knew we definitely wanted a third, we're just both very much on the fence at this point. It's something we'll have to revisit sometime in the future.

 

I'm in NYC (suburbs), and have 16 month old boys. This is a surprise, too. So I can related.

We are leaving New York; it was already in our heads, but this just pushed us over the edge. I don't know if you own or rent, but you could probably find an affordable 3 bedroom or maybe even a single/double family home in the Bronx or Queens. Although it sounds like that is not an option.

I can't answer a bunch of your questions because I don't know yet, but for now, I just wanted to say I can relate.

 

Thanks Rachel,
We own a place in Brooklyn, absolutely love the neighborhood and feel very strongly that moving away would be more of a sacrifice that we'd want to make. I grew up in a small apartment so space is not a huge issue for me but it's still nice to have enough, which I feel we do now. Good luck with your move and with your third!

 

Hi,
I live in Queens, NY and we're moving into a 3 bedroom apt this month around the corner. I have 14 month old twins and a third one on the way. I've always wanted 4 kids but not this soon or close in age. Now that I am pregnant though, I'm thrilled. I've also worried about how they will interact or include each other in activities but I can see from the playdates the girls have had that a 2-3 year old can have fun with them when they walk around and follow her and understand her instructions so I feel that when the new baby is about a year old they'll all interact well together. I hope you do decide to have more kids,I know I can't wait to enjoy this pregnancy to the fullest. I can also see how well my husband and his siblings get along and how fun and lively holidays are.

 

I sometimes think we were crazy for jumping back on the train so soon (we actually planned to only have 2 years btwn the twins and new kid but I had a m/c with the pregnancy in between now and the twins) but I think, when the baby is 6 months or so it will be great ... to have all the kids so close in age. I think whether or not to have another is a big decision but I also feel sort-of zen about these things ... like if you were "done" you would know ... KWIM? We just didn't feel quite "done" ... I think we both wanted another child ... bc we felt a bit like having twins was too much like having just one ... and we both just didn't feel done yet ... even though we always said we only wanted two ... and even though the girls have been anything but easy babies/toddlers. I think that to ponder on it a while is a good plan but I also think that if you are entertaining the idea of a #3 then you probably are just not "done." As far as logistics and space ... you will figure it out ... you will find what works for your family! Even if it means that the baby has a sheeted off corner of your Master BR until he or she is sleeping through the night ... I think another child (though stressful) can only enrich your family. As for sib rivalry and all that ... I feel your pain ... I worry that our new girl will feel left out by not being one of the "twins" but also, I think that you just have to stay vigilent as a parent to make sure that everyone gets equal amounts of love and attention and celebration for who they are and what is unique about them ... a challenge all parents face, for sure ... but even more so when you have twins ... good luck to you and whatever you decide, just follow your heart and not your fears.