why do Second year moms no longer respond ?

What happened to us Twin moms? I remember tons of advice being thrown out there before the babies were born, and again in the first year. Now it seems we read the threads but many people don't respond. Ok YOU peepers why are you not responding with your comments ? Look at the threads on here and then compare the responses to the views.

I find lately that I am not responding because after reading a library full of books on toddlers, I still have no idea if I'm doing the right thing. Don't get me wrong, my dh and I agree on how we want to raise our kids and I feel like I know what I want as an end result.... but wow it seems like I'm rolling the dice somedays. Oh right my point.... I wondering if other twin moms are in the same boat. Not really having a full opinion because they are unsure if the options they are choosing are even working. In the first year if we had a sleeping baby or two we could say "success" now... things are not so defined. One minute we have the quiet child and a few months later they are the screamer in the group. One minute the victim at mother's group, next minute they are the aggressor.

why have we all of a sudden shut up ?

Heather

 

Personally, I have less time. I was home with the girls until they were 8 months old, but then I went back to full-time teaching. Last year, I could still respond more because when I was home, they napped a lot and were still not very mobile. Now they only nap once a day and run in different directions when they are awake.

 

I don't have time!! This year is CRAZY even compared to last year!!

 

I still have time, I just only reply to topics I can actually help with.

 

I do try to respond but I do think it could also be because people might read the question and may not have encountered that particular issue yet or are having the same problem and are also wondering what to do about it :unsure:
There is also that fact that there are those who want to reply but might have a toddler climbing to the top of couch ready to roll off and another one trying to climb on the table and they forget what they want to write...this has also happened to me.

 

Honestly, I feel so clueless sometimes I don't think I could help! LOL. I try and respond to the questions that I can help with but time is also an issue.

 

As a veteran SY mom (my girls are *2 1/2*!) I try to come in here and reply to things that I can. But I think the reason this forum is less active than FY, is that toddlers are more demanding of our time and nap less. I know that I don't have as much time to be on the computer as I was when I was in the FY. Even though I was sleep deprived, overwhelmed and a mess, I still had my laptop on all the time!

 

I think I don't often reply for a multitude of reasons.
One: Mine are still young compared to a lot of others in this group, so sometimes we just haven't experienced what some of the topics that are being discussed.
Two: I work full time so sometimes I don't have time to respond to everything I want to since I try to use my breaks and lunch-hour to look at what is going on here and when I'm at home the boys are everywhere, I'm trying to get my house under control and feed all of us so I don't have a lot of time to get online.
Three: Sometimes my advice is almost word for word what someone else typed and if I'm in a rush I don't respond since someone else already gave the same suggestions I was thinking of.
Four: I feel like sometimes what we do is pretty different than what a lot of other people do so sometimes I don't post on those topics because I don't want to feel like I'm being judged in any way (and this is totally my insecurity not anything I've ever experienced here)

 

i totally hear you on not knowing what to say. i'm sure people are sick of hearing me say "my parenting class teacher says......", but shesh, she's amazing, and i have no clue! so, i do go by what she suggests most of the time! i really don't know what i am doing. i also have some goals (and we're an ap family which sort of gives us a framework on what to read/follow/listen to/talk about).

i also don't have much time online, but i didn't in the first year, either....

however, i kind of like the less 'frantic-ness' of the sy forum. when i got around to asking q's sometimes in fy i'd get so few repsonses cuz those threads were moving fast and furious! now i know i'll probably get some type of response if i need one (though sometimes it's just our charming moderators being kind and making a reply).

~~jl

 

I sometimes dont reply as I dont have any experience in that area. My LOs are 15 months old and often topics refer to older toddlers. Also, I like to read out of pure interest though I dont have any experience. I always try to respond to threads that I think I can help with! I´ve always appreciated the advice here too - thanks ladies!

 

I reply if I think I can help, but when I don't, it's usually because the same question has been asked a zillion times. I don't blame people for asking again (I'm sure I did it and still do!), but after a couple of years I just get tired of typing the same responses over and over. I will try to post more, though, since at least I have the advantage of being safely on the other side of the SY!

 

I am very guilty of spending most of my TS time in the First Year forum. I try to visit here as much as I can, but I don't feel like I have many questions so am not here as much. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of questions, but remembering them (other than while I'm trying to sleep at night) is another story.

Like Nancy, I'm constantly having someone climbing on me or on something else. Ryan has gotten really pissed if I'm not watching whatever show he is. I also now have to type one handed (and sometimes that hand is wrestled from the computer) so I need to be able to give a short answer.

 

These are all reasons why I don't reply too.

It seems to me that as you move up the age ranges the forums move slower (2-4 is slower than SY and 5-11 is slower than 2-4), that is less topics get posted. I don't think the view:response ratio changes that much though. I just looked at FY and some of the posts are 127:8, 110:15, 406:23, 32:2 and here in SY you have 104:10, 139:15, 407:35, 42:3 that seems pretty equal to me.

 

I think I do respond, and I feel pretty good about my choices and the things that are and aren't working for us. I just don't have a ton of time, but I think I do respond. And I get responses when I post as well.

 

I think for most people, as a PP suggested, they had a lot of "down time" during the FY and could respond while the babies napped or hung out in their bouncers. With mobile kids, it gets a lot harder to be on the computer!

For me, I just entered the SY, so I feel like I have very little to contribute because I don't have much experience with a lot of the issues presented here. I mainly have questions! I still lurk a bit in the FY forum because my guys have more in common with older FY babies than a lot of SY babies. But there are only so many STTN and "how do you do it?!" posts that you can reasonably tolerate, so I'm starting like the conversations here more! :lol:

I'm looking forward to my guys being able to do more; I'm sure this will bring new challenges, but hopefully I'll be able to either share some experiences, or plead for help!

ETA: Watch all the new posts get tons of responses now because everyone feels guilty....

 

It is funny that you posted this question since it was exactly what I was thinking this morning

I just began this stage so I really don't have much advice... I do think we all need to input as much
as we can....somehow now that is over I think the first year basics (except for reflux) were much easier..
we actually were told what to do - feed them every 3 hours, change diappers, do tummy time...etc

now is an entire new beginning...but since "we made it through the first year"..somehow we are expected
to know what to do?... my pedi said what I great job I was doing...but personally I feel more clueless now...
before they would go to sleep no matter where we were, cry when their were hungry...now
the crying could be boredom/teething/not getting what they want/not getting atention///etc.. I think
the sy is more complicated

 

A lot of times I don't post because I have nothing to add to what a PP has said. I will post if I think I can add something.

 

I honestly read a lot of the posts/threads...but rarely respond for various reasons. The first reason being I have an infant and two toddlers! Once the computer is open and they notice-FORGET it! I can read while I feed her, or they eat, or snack. And come night time, I usually read various forums(the Den takes up a considerable amount of my time!). But I rarely post in any forum.

Another reason being I may not have experienced it, or don't have anything to offer. I will try to post more! Especially if it helps someone else out! But my boys are almost 2 now, and I honestly don't remember much of the last two years! I've enjoyed every minute of it all-but it goes by sooooo fast!

No more posting now...they found me!

 

You can not compare views to posts.

Say you post. A person reponds, you will view it to read the response. Then two more people respond and you and poster number 2 will view it again to read their responses, and so an on so forth. If there are 7 posts in a thread, those same 7 people could easily generate 28 views themselves, not accounting for anyone reading it without responding.

And as our kids get older, we usually become more active in the other forums, the Twin Club, the Den, of special intrest sub-forums.

 

Well I will definitely try to make more of an effort to respond in the SY forum. I am busy with my new baby and the twins are now 15 months. I have to be honest that my most recent activity has been in the Pregnant After Twins and the Den. I also like the Large Families forum. Oh and facebook eats up alot of my free time.

 

Same thing as Fran...I try to respond to anything I can give advice too! If I don't feel like I have enough experience or advice to offer, I don't

 

FY is very different than SY.

I think FY mothers/parents are more sleep/energy deprived and in survival mode and either need advice to get through a tough stage or likes to know they're 'not alone' through the crazy life of surviving the first year with TWINS. DH even made the comment last night, "To tell you the truth, the first 9 months were very difficult and I found myself angry and frustrated a lot, but they are so much fun now.."

SY is more.. shall I say,.. "laid back" I haven't been on as much as I would like to lately cause the girls keep me so much busier than before. That and I'm planning my wedding reception Either way, I still Love SY! We are an Awesome bunch of ladies if ya ask me!

 

I'm just to lazy. No I'm always over in the Den, but I try to get over here.

On another note, I do think that it is still nice to comment on a thread even if people have said something you agree with. A simple I agree with person X, is a good addition to a post in my view because it shows that many people are thinking the same thing, which might mean it's a very good idea/very common problem/response, etc.

 

Oh good I made some of you feel guilty... :girl_devil: I was just wondering if I was the only one who sometimes looked at a thread and felt my mind go blank with no possible ideas to help. I have always thought this twin site has a great bunch of chicks. :bow2: :yahoo:

 

In addition to what everyone else said, in all HONESTY- sometimes I read and dont respond becausee I have nothing nice to say! :spy:
There are some things other parents do (just like Im sure there are things I do) that I dont agree with, but Im still interested in reading why they do them, and what the advice is for those that agree with that line of parenting -