Relax

I need some advice on how to help myself out. Usually I can "buck-up" and just deal with things but the past few weeks have been a bit different. Im wound up. I can not relax. My mind is spinning all the time. Im over reacting to things. Something might bother me, OK, but Im getting way more emotionally about it then I should. Im WAY to stressed out. I know Im not depressed or anything, I think I was just in that go go go get it done survival mode for so long (especially since I had to do it all by myself for so long with Jim gone). I just can't relax. Jim's a great guy and there's nothing he's doing wrong or that he can do more of to fix this. This is really impacting my life now though. Im blowing up at silly things. Im an introvert, so I keep most of it in. But it keeps me up at night. Im constantly running things through my head. I find it hard to just sit still and enjoy an activity or someones company. (tmi) It's even getting hard to enjoy intimacy with Jim because I just can't relax enough to get into the act and enjoy being with him. My body is stressed and my mind is off racing about a dozen other things. I try and take deep breaths, relax my muscles, push those things out my mind, but it's like it's gone to far and I can't do it on my own now.

What's really sad and breaking my heart, is I truly believe this house is damn near perfect! We have a very comfortable home, beautiful, healthy children, out of the survival mode, Jim is a GREAT guy, I get to be a SAHM. There is NO need for me to be this spun up.

Do you take anything over the counter to help you relax? Vitamins? Do you do anything? Can anyone relate? Can someone please share their personal experience and how they dealt with it? I need to know how to get out of this. Im very sensitive to medicine and it has a tendency to make things worse for me not better. Don't really want to try that right now.

Thanks all

 

I am so sorry I have no advice. I feel like I I could have wrote your post myself. I feel the exact same way. I am constantly blowing up about the little things lately. I look so forward to going home everyday from work. But when I get home I am overwhelmed with chores that need to be done and the kids needing this or that I get so stressed and end up yelling at everyone just about any little thing. I even find myself yelling at the twins, they are just babies and I feel like a horrible momma!! I take out everything on my husband and shouldn't. He has been home and yesterday he did ALL of the laundry for me while I was at work and the Nanny had the twins. (Korey at school) that was a HUGE help for me but I still stressed about the dishwasher not being unloaded, shoes and toys not being picked up, cups left out around....UGH why couldn't I just be happy and thankful he did the laundry!! Why am I acting this way lately?? I feel horrible about it afterwards and want to STOP!

 

Hugs Kristy. Im actually crying reading your post. Im greatful Im an introvert or I'd be yelling all day too.

 

Have you tried excerise? That helps me calm down. A good run/walk and weight lifting session regularly keeps me feeling better. If I have gone a day without it, I get like you mentioned. Also, you may want to try valerian (sp?) tea. Or a big glass of red wine

 

Thank you!
I work out every day for 45 minutes. Im not a tea person but if it's for relaxing I will try it? Is that what it's for? Do you get it at the store or at vitamin shops? I do drink wine from time to time, but have a VERY addictive personality so I do all things in moderation. And I do like wine !

 

i'm sorry i don't have any advice to help you out, just wanted to give you a big . i go through phases like that too and it is awful, poor DH can never do anything right when i'm that way and i blow up at every little thing. i don't know if it would help, but is there any way you could get away for a weekend with a girlfriend or something? maybe you just need the chance to totally decompress and have no responsibilities for a day or two.. but i know it would be hard with all the kiddos..

 

Oh sweet - I just wanted to say that I totally hear you! I wish I could give you advice, more writing to relate. I am also a SAHM and my husband works hard to be out by 7 am and back home by 5-5:30. Every day is a battle to tackle naps and entertain them, and I keep up on the house at night. Still, I go to bed between 8:30 - 10 pm (after barking at my husband many nights that this is so hard and I don't know how I will make it) only to lay there for 2-3 hours thinking about my life or what I need to do to make things easier, etc. I feel like I am taking steps backwards. I am back to crying now when I try to get them down for a nap because they cry - they both want my arms. I am totally being played at this point but I just cannot stand hearing the crying. My DH is wonderful and does everything right but the girls still want me more right now and when I do go out alone or with friends I just feel guilty for leaving them. When my husband "makes a move" I just cannot even fathom the thought of relaxing enough for that. Just like you I cannot relax. I know I am lucky not to have to work but this is harder than I every truly imagined it would be. I would love to spend money to get a helper but that is not in the budget. Is that an option that may help you? Some company? I do find that if I get my act together and go to the mall or something I feel much better to be out with the girls. I am mostly just lonely for company and a friend and I think I hate going to bed early just to get up and start all over again. The weekends are better but of course WAY too short. Hugs to you in this difficult time and I hope someone has some great advice for you. :hug:

 

O, I would love to get away... But to be honest, with 4 kids in 3 years, I let my friendships fade away. Poor Jim, he has to stand in as the girlfriend for now and he so not girlfriend material lol.

 

Hugs! I wish I could say something comforting! I guess we are in this together, right?

 

I know you posted in the Weight Loss forum about starting a walking routine, and that can be a HUGE help. The other thing I would suggest is carving out a little time every day to do something that makes you happy - read a book, watch a video, play on the computer - something to take your mind off all the stuff on your to-do list and some period of time when you have no responsibility to do anything but this task. Even a half hour is a huge help.

 

Im hearing what the other ladies are saying... But there is cause for for your frustration. The babies are crying for you. The dishes and house still need to be taking care of. And yes, those are high stress things and hugs to you...
but im starting to wonder if i should be this stressed out? is this normal?

 

Do you have insurance that will pay for you to see a therapist? You might benefit from having someone objective to talk to. You could tell your regular doctor, but they mainly just prescribe you a pill and walk away. Not that pills are bad (I've been on antidepressants myself), but it really sounds like you might need to discuss your feelings and get some good ideas on how to cope with them.

If you don't have that option, can you talk to someone else? A neighbor, friend, pastor, etc? Also, if you are having anxiety, can you write down some of your feelings and try to get a handle on what is really bothering you? Maybe if you put it in black and white, you can get some clarity on the issue and come up with some ideas to make it better.

I suffer from anxiety (as well as depression), and I find that if I can identify what is making me anxious and take some steps to work on it, I feel much more in control.

Good luck and :hug: to you!

 

I also don't have lots of advice but wanted to send some :hug: 's. I think what you are feeling is quite normal. I agree that exercise will probably help a lot, as will finding any little bit of time for yourself that you can, even if it's to unwind in a bubble bath, or to read a book, anything at all that you find calming. You might also talk to your doctor, he/she might be able to give you some advice on how to feel better. :hug:

 

There are definitely times where I have a harder time relaxing and like you get angry or upset about the smallest of things. For me if I am feeling overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done I try to write it all down and then prioritize it. Just the act of writing it down helps as sometime I just stress about what I might be forgetting. I often feel like I am the only one who remembers all of the details – the medicine, the fact we are running out of diapers, that I better do laundry because they are going to gmas tomorrow and I need clothes to pack – just the thinking ahead so that we are prepared and not scrambling around all the time or stressing because we forgot something. But I agree – finding something that works for you to unwind is a must. A bath, a relaxing walk, a book, a latte, shopping, sleep, whatever it is. I also think that the longer it goes unchecked it tends to build, I am like you I tend not to say anything and then it just starts to snowball. You are NOT alone - that is for sure!

 

Thank you so much. It was nice just to be heard and to supported! You all are always wonderful.
We have a stressful job and there are good days and there are bad days.

[quote name='Nate and Jack's Mom' date='02 September 2009 - 10:48 AM' timestamp='1251913716' post='1441631']

I suffer from anxiety (as well as depression), and I find that if I can identify what is making me anxious and take some steps to work on it, I feel much more in control.

[/quote]


Just writing the post yesterday was very therapeutic and in some ways relaxing too lol! But it did get me thinking and had my mind going all day. There is a very bigger stress-er outside of the house that I never thought had anything to do with how I was feeling (forest vs the trees right?). Anyway, last night Jim and I had a long talk about it. He could tell something wasn't right as well and was relieved to be talking about.