when does it get better/easier?

The twins are almost three weeks old. (Born august 7th) Right now they are eating about every 3 hours- about 3 ozs. (sometimes two and a half ozs.) It seems like one is up screaming before we feed them and then the other is up after. When do they start eating more/sleeping longer stretches? I'm so tired!

For the vent: My daughter wakes up after the morning feeding and my son is up at dinner time and they only want to be held. I love to hold them, but I feel like I dont ever get a break.
DH IS helping with all the feedings now, but he goes back to work next week. Also, he goes to the gym, rus errands, and I feel stuck- I'm always with them. He gets frustrated, too, at the babies crying- he's not used to not putting himself first. He rushes through feedings and cant wait to put them back down in thier crib. I don't know how to talk to him about it.
I am so stressed out and having panic attacks. I can't relax, my shoulders are so tense.
I knew the beginning was hard, but it is a million times harder. Please tell me there is a light coming at the end of this very dark tunnel!

 

:hug: Mine started doing longer stretches at abou 12 weeks or so. Hang in there you are right in the thick of it. Mine were eating every 2-3 hours and sometimes as little as 1.5 hours even in the middle of the night. Can you use a sling to help you hold so that you can still do a few things with a baby on you?

As for the DH the only way to solve it, is to talk about it. Try when the babies are sleeping. Let him know how you feel. He is not a mind reader and you need to tell him how you feel. As for not getting a break, I would say that is a common complaint of most SAHMs. I feel like I never get a break and I am required to find the sitter if I need something and he just depends on me. ardon: I wish I knew how to solve that one. :gah:

 

:hug: :hug: Yes, there is a light! And yes, it is very hard! They are so demanding at that point. And you just want them to be happy and loved, and to get a little rest yourself.

Do you have any help at all? Maybe your church has some older ladies that will just come and hold a baby at times for you? That's what I did, I let ladies from church who wanted to just come and hold babies. That way they were loved and cuddled, and I could have a break.

I completely remember that frustration with my husband. They seem so "uninvolved", putting all the responsibility on you. And you NEED a break. Hey, if you are in Nebraska, I'll come help you out! :hug: :hug: :hug: because I remember those days. And yes, they really do pass!!

 

I felt exactly the same way as you a few weeks in. The three hour cycle is nature's torture device.. I am not sure how anyone survives, but you do! By 6 weeks, you'll have your routine, and it will seem much easier.

For me, DH was still home but heading back to work, and he also just wanted to rush through feedings etc. I finally told him how much it bothered me that he never seemed to want to hold the kids and hang out with him, and he said that it was hard for him because they weren't interacting with him, so he had a really hard time bonding at first. Plus, I think men are better at self-preservation than women; my husband always recognized that he needed to sleep and get other things done when they sleep, so he'd want to get them down quicker. Now that they're smiling and interacting a bit more, he spends a lot more time engaging with them.

Hang in there! It does get easier. I found that even going to the grocery store or walking around the block helped me clear my head a bit.

 

I’m going to blame this on the sleep deprivation that I was going through at the time… but I can’t recall when exactly our little ones started sleeping longer and giving us more time between feedings. I think we were doing round the clock feedings at three hour intervals until about 3 months. Then we dropped the nighttime feeding (and were able to get a solid six hours of sleep every night)

As a father I can’t understand the desire to ‘rush through feedings’. We may be disadvantaged in the initial bonding, not having had that 9 month head start that mothers get, but you can’t bond with them if you don’t spend time with them! Maybe gently suggest that for the first few months cuddling babies could replace time at the gym? Or trade off running errands… it’s not exactly relaxing, but it is a break from 24/7 baby time.

 

OMG this is totally the same thing i am going through, only my boys are just about 5 weeks. my DH works A LOT and when he's home, which is rare, he spends it looking on the computer for a new car, talking on his cell phone or sitting on the patio. he doesn't come home and put himself second, he's still numbero uno. i'm hoping that he gets over this soon! i'm sorry i am not helpful. i just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone!

 

Hang in there!!! it does get sooo much better, not a huge change at a certain age but a gradual improvement until you wake up one morning and realized that they slept the night through....I don't have much advice on how to survive as I was barely doing that at 3wks but try and take things one step at a time and know that you are doing your best with what you got!! :hug:

 

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You are in the very hardest part right now. Those first few months are SO difficult with even one baby and so much harder with two. Talk to your husband & let him know how you feel. For me, it even helped if I could have 30 minutes to myself where I could get into a hot bubble bath & read a book. I didn't even have to leave the house (although that's better), I just had to have some time alone. :hug:

 

I know how you feel...just hang in there, it will get easier! Those first few months are so hard. At around 12 weeks things started to really flow. Everyone was eating more, sleeping a little longer, knew the schedule and my husband and I just seemed to relax a little more. The days were more predictable and that was a great thing. On our bad days we'd take a car ride or walk outside and it helped...we still do the same now. Good luck!

 

it will get better, not right away, but in a few weeks you will be feeling much more positive about the whole thing. when they were so young and wanting to be held all the time, that is just what i did. no housework, no laundry, no cooking, nada. things just didn't get done unless DH did them and that was just the way it was. and believe me, lots of things just didn't ever get done for those first few months. it is ok to let things slide.

i really think you need to talk to your DH about how stressed out you are feeling. IMO he needs to give up the gym for a couple of months, if he feels like he needs to exercise he could take the babies out for a walk in the stroller and give you a break. lots of men have a hard time with newborns, it just isn't that fun to take care of them and they get zero positive feedback, something that most men need alot of... lorem ipsum is a new breed i think, and his wife must be super lucky!! i made sure that my DH knew that this was going to be a team charlton effort and that i wasn't going to be doing it on my own. even after he went back to work, he still did night feedings with me, which i was so appreciative of, but if i hadn't made it clear that that is what i expected of him, he might have assumed that i could handle it on my own. you just need to let your DH know that you can't handle it and you really need his help and support. i hope he comes around.

this time really passes so quickly and it will be over before you know it. oh, and i think mine started sleeping longer like 5 hours at a stretch at 6-7 weeks and by 12 weeks were going 8 hours or so. but i always kept them on a 3 hour schedule during the day so they could get as many oz as possible during daylight hours and not be so hungry at night.

 

Hugs, hugs and more hugs! It will get better soon! I'm pretty sure my little ones starting sleeping for longer stretches around the 3 month mark and then at 4 months it was more predictable. That was when we started to "figure" out what type of schedule they would adapt to. The schedule really didn't set in thought till they were 6 months. My best advice is to ask for help if you have anyone! I agree with PP that these first few months really do go by quickly and before you know it they will be sleeping better and then you can catch up on some much needed rest! Hang in there and good luck!!!

 

thank you everyone for sharing your experiences. My mom is now coming over every day from 10-4 to help out. I did talk to DH about how I was feeling, and he knows he needs to help me more and learn to have more Patience with the babies.

Hearing that it might not be until 3 months that they'll sleep more at night is a bit daunting. I really thought by 6 weeks they'd be sleeping at least a 5 hour stretch at night! Oh well!

Thanks again- I know coming here will help!!!

 

It doesn't always take till 3 months before they start sleeping longer. I don't remember exactly when mine did it, but I know that one of them was sleeping 12 hours at 3.5 months and it wasn't like she went from 3 hours to 12 in just one day, so she must have started sleeping longer stretches before that! I think it was around 8 weeks that things started getting noticeably better for us.

The other thing I just wanted to mention (because this was something I really struggled with) is that all you have to do right now is survive. Sometimes there just isn't any way to make it better in the short term. But even if things are soooo hard and you can't figure out how to make it better, they get better just because the babies get older, without you doing a single thing about it!

 

First and foremost take all and any help you can get! their is light at the end of the tunnel but for me it took 5 months. My boys were terrible eaters and cried non stop. It would take us an hour to get one to two ounces down each boy and they ate every 2-3 hours.They never slept in their cribs until they were 4 months old but eventually we got their. I had rotating people coming in so I could sleep and have a sanity break. I learned fast that you have to let people help you and you can't feel guilty otherwise you just get worn right out and very emotional. I also had PPD so my emotions and anxiety were unreal until I got help. I also learned that having a routin worked well, keeping that routin on paper so helpers new what to do and recording feeds/diapers helped to that everyone who came to help knew what was going on and so did I. I know it seems impossible right now but it really will get better. You are doing a great job and they are lucky to have you. If you need to let them cry for a while so you can have a break that is okay to.

 

I am right there with you! My twins are about five weeks old and I am so tired! I have a two and a half year old too, so my days are basically a train wreck, everyday, they don't seem to get any better. My hubby works and goes to school (late life decision) so when he is home he does share the responsibilities with me, but seems to rush through the feedings and gets really frustrated when they are gassy or fussy! When I try to talk to him, he assumes I am nagging him and plays the "Well I didn't get to bond with them for nine months so give me a break" card.... so annoying. So, I am trying to just deal, as I know it will pass. He is awesome with our toddler. And, this is a lot of work, dealing with two newborns.
I guess I just wanted to sympathize with you!

 

Hi there,

As always.. some super adivce has already been dished out but i just wanted to pass through with some hugs for you! :hug: and the other ladies muddling through the first few wks :grouphug:

Just try and get by whichever way works for, sleep when the babies do, if not sleep just put your feet up! Everything else is irrelevant for now. It does get so, so much better but what your going through right now is very hard, we have all been there so can totally sympathise with you! Good news is we all survived the early weeks and have grown to miss our teeny tiny wailing babies and so will you all, sooner than it feels like right now. Keep smiling!