sorry i just have to vent

ok so i mistakenly gave DH the night off last night for feedings and am DEAD tired so that didn't help anything. i've been up since 6am with the babies, we had a good feed but the 10am feed was extremely bad. neither of them took more than 2ounces which was just peachy since they had their official one month appointment at 1pm. my plan was to feed them 3+ ounces (like usual - which keeps them happy for about 4 hours) and then get them ready to go at noon. well neither of them took their bottles and cried all morning. i tried holding them, rocking them, feeding them, mylicon, changing them...nothing worked. finally i get them into the car and they went to sleep. they cried throughout the whole appointment and i figured hey they would probably be hungry by the time we got home...nope. one twin took 2 ounces the other barely an ounce. soooooo i layed them down. one is now sleeping peacefully and the other just keeps crying. i've tried more food but he won't take the bottle. i don't know what the problem is. i just feel like i can't handle it today. i am pretty sure that PMS is finally hitting and that i am going to have a period soon because i used to get super angry right before a period and that's how i am today. i literally want to throw things. sooo i am trying to just calm down before i deal with the babies but they won't stop crying and i don't know how to make them stop.

to top it off i had posted something on facebook this morning about how this was my first solo outing with the boys and all i got were a bunch of "oh what fun" and "ohh you'll have so much fun, make a day of it" responses...all from, you guessed it, singelton moms who dont know the stressors of having to take and prepare two babies for a road trip.

and to make matters worse when i brought the two screaming babies home i come to find dog crap all over the nursery floor because the dog decided that was a good place to go potty AND my bathroom trash can destroyed because he chewed up all of my panty liners.

seriously could this day get any worse??? i just want some quiet time. i feel like i can't catch my breath and relax for a moment.

as we speak a baby is crying, for what reason i do not know, and i am sitting on the porch so i can't hear it so i won't yell.

i know this makes me sound like an awful parent and maybe i am but i would rather be outside and letting one cry than yelling at the baby.

oh yeah and i felt like a freakshow waiting for the doctor. everyone and their inlaws had to stop and look and stare and ask questions about the twins...seriously people do you not grasp the arms length rule?? if i can touch you, you are too close!

 

Oh boy, I have had that day. Hang in there... DH will get home, you'll get some sleep, the kids will settle and you'll get through the day. There is no shame in letting a baby cry for a few minutes while you calm down a bit! It's tough. WAY tougher than a single baby.

 

OMG! Did you take the babies to the doctor all by yourself? :shok: I didn't do that until they were 2 years old!!! :hug: I'm sorry. Did you mention to the doctor that they cry a lot? Did they say anything about possible reflux? Sorry if I don't know your history. :hug: I hope you get some rest tonight.

 

DH won't be home until tomorrow at 7pm, he's a full time fire fighter and works part time so i'm in it alone for the next 24+ hours...and i hate to say it but it's been more than a few minutes of crying. i just can't calm down to the point that i can go in there without screaming too!

and yes they have reflux issues, the doctor knows this and they are on medicine. they don't usually have these kinds of problems with feedings but they are on zantac which is prescribed according to weight and they now need more since they have gained 2lbs so that might be the problem. their next dose isnt until after 6pm since they get it morning and night.

i took them all by myself. i still haven't gotten the stroller out of the car. i just can't handle it today.

to top it off now the dogs won't shut up....can't catch a break!

 

O, big hugs. First, my opinion, sometimes the best mom is the mom sitting on the porch! Your taking the time to calm down and that is a great idea! Sometimes babies just cry. A friend is always telling my they don't cry blood. I know there have been times I have put them in their crib and gone to take a shower to drown out the sounds for just a few minutes. This will pass.

Just a heads up, if your anything like me, my periods were "hard starts" after I had babies. What I mean by that is I had BAD pms and cramps for a bit longer then usual before I started. You may or may not, just wanted to share and warn you.

Make a day of it? LMAO! Ya right! They almost need to write out a script for some type of heavy drug for days like this!

Hang in there mamma.

 

Sorry you are having such a rough day :hug: I would be so stressed out too. You are not a bad Momma at all, we all have our days when it just feels like we've had enough (and it seems like on those days that is when everything goes wrong). You did yourself a huge favor by going outside for a breath of fresh air and to collect yourself. My mother always said to me, crying won't hurt them. :hug:

 

I feel your pain...I had a day like that not too long ago. Both of my LO's were crying for a bottle and did not have a good night because of gas and reflux. It was 4am and I went into the living room, threw a boppy on the couch to get out some frustration and cried! After getting calmed down, I made the bottles and fed them. I also had to take them to the dr. by myself and know how hard it is when everyone wants to stop and "ohhh, ahhh" at your babies. Sometimes I feel so much better after a good cry, just remember that your hormones are still out of whack.

Sending good vibes your way!! :hug:

 

i really and truly just need a nap! i tried crying, that usually makes things worse. i'm still on the porch. i can hear them. i just gave them their dose of zantac and am patiently waiting on my MIL to show up at 630pm because when she gets here i am letting her bath AND feed them both, especially because she still thinks it's sooooo much easier to have twins than it is to have children of varying ages. secretly i hope they are still being this fussy but i know they won't...they like to prove me wrong. not only that but i am positive MIL will think i'm a horrid person for letting them cry and sitting on the porch to cool off. that's just the way she is.

 

:hug: I'm so sorry you have had such a stressful day! I don't think I tried taking them to the doctor alone until they were much older so :bow2: for even attempting it. How did their appointment go? Is everyone growing as they should be? I hope your MIL gets there soon & gives you a bit of a break! :hug:

 

thanks...in the heat of my stress i did not even go over the good things that happened today...so here goes....

2 weeks ago they were 5lbs 5 ounces and 5lbs, today they were 7lbs 5 ounces and 7lbs. they went from 19.5" and 19.25" to 20.5" and 20.75". both boys are healthy and are in the 3rd and 5th percentile for weight and 15th and 20th percentile for height. river has a small heart arithmia so we have to take him to get an ekg but the doctor is being super caution and said it's probably nothing to worry about but since they were so premature he wants to be sure. they both have to get blood work to check for anemia since that is, or so i'm told, common in preemies. otherwise they are perfectly healthy little boys. had they been full term they would be in the 75th percentiles.

so some good did come of the day. MIL is here now, they are still fussy but that is because they are hungry. they will eat in a few minutes so she can listen to them cry for a bit...get a taste of what it's like! HA! i did end up bathing them though - don't like the way she does it. and grrrrr, she won't listen to me....she can't handle to hear them both cry....sooooo she's going to feed AHEAD of schedule. that ticks me off. OBVIOUSLY i'm not doing anything wrong, the boys gained nearly 2lbs in 2 weeks. i'm not starving them, i just like to keep them on a schedule so i can get sleep. god forbid i ever let them stay the night at her house, when they get home they will be completely off!! and she thinks it's easier to have singletons of varying ages....whatever!

 

:Clap: Sounds like they are doing great & had a good appointment! Way to go Momma!

 

Sorry you had such a rough day. I'm glad your MIL is there to give you a break. That has got to be so nerve wracking to take them to the doctor alone! I also didn't do it until they were older. I still try not to have to go by myself, it's hard. :hug:

 

I know with me our barking dogs drive me over the edge - when our babies were younger I sent our two (dogs not babies!) to stay with DH's parents for a while - it really helped my sanity!

 

:hug: Sorry you had a bad day. I hope you are able to get some rest this evening and tonight.

 

Im sorry that you are having such a rough time. That time period around 6 weeks was horrible for me. Hang in there momma you are doing a wonderful job. I attempted to take my duo to the dr alone at 2 months thinking i can do this!, lol what a disaster that was too. They both ended up crying the whole time. I know your pain there!

As far as trying to get them to stop crying and trying to get some quite time, will they stop crying if they are being held?? Can you maybe prop yourself up in bed holding them or on the couch? Mine always, always slept better and longer while we were holding them. I didn't like to do it often but there was some days/nights that i just didnt' care and needed the sleep.

 

both of mine have reflux issues and were on zantac when they were 4 weeks to about 2 1/2 months. At 6 weeks they were at their worst, and no end in sight. I had taken one of them in because the crying never stopped and they were not getting enough medicine for their weight anymore. Frankly that pissed me off because no one said it would need to be adjusted for their weight and i had been sitting their suffering and what is worse they were in pain. Get the prevacid, there is no weight issue and it is given one a day and is a life saver. We have not had a single problem since they started that. Holding mine always helped, I couldnt stand the crying. And if they have reflux, dont lay them down after they have eaten it makes it worse.

 

sorry you are having a bad day....and no you are not a bad momma!!! Far better to sit on the porch and take a breath. Those first 6wks were awful so hang in there it gets better....and way to go for taking them out by yourself - I didn't do that for months.

 

Sorry to hear you had such a rough day… Big Hugs!

Don’t know if it will help at all, but you might try picking up the crying baby and just walking around the house. I don’t know why, but sometimes when nothing else will calm our little ones, carrying them while walking will do the trick. You might also try separating them, put one in a crib in the nursery while you calm the other… once he’s calm go back to the first one. I know that’s helped me, otherwise they sometimes seem to develop a crying feedback loop of sorts where each one keeps the other going.

The first solo trip out with twin babies can be rough, but it does get easier… and don’t worry about leaving the stroller in the car, it’ll still be there when you need it

 

First, Congrats on taking them to the pedi by yourself and surviving! Second, we have all been there. Also, I gotta say weeks 6-7 were the worst for us in regards to reflux and crying fits. Something to remember about the Zantac is that it does stop working for many babies, so if they do keep having a hard time with feedings, it may be worth asking the pedi for something else. We ended up switching to Prevacid which worked wonders. I hope the evening goes much smoother for you.

 

Okay, first off, I'm soooo sorry about your day. I hope by the time I'm posting this, DH is home and helping you so you can get a break. Hugs!
Secondly, I know what you mean about PMS, mine is starting to come back now that I'm having periods again. It hasn't affected me too much with the babies, but I've been less patient with my DH and I was irritated with the majority of the patients I saw yesterday. I pray it didn't show.
Don't give DH anymore nights off. No sense in being a martyr, plus it isn't going to help the babes during the day if you are overly tired.

Case in point on the irritating husband. Both babies are fussy right now, so he gives up lays him on the floor by me and goes in the other room. Thanks a bunch honey. Arg!

 

I forgot, I was gonna add, we had to get off the zantac. it didn't help, in fact I think it made it worse. lia got a lot better after we switched her.

 

I hope you are doing better now. Reading your post makes me so sad for you. I remember being there. Let me give you some advice. You need to sleep. You need to have your MIL or your husband take over for a feeding or two and sleep - for at least 6 hours uninterrupted. I don't care about your issues with your MIL. I don't care that DH has to work. I don't care that you are fretting about them not doing it right. YOU NEED TO SLEEP!!!!!!! You can't imagine how much better or easier it will seem after you get a solid, uninterrupted stretch of sleep. I really don't think it's an option at this point. Absolutely nothing bad will happen to your babies if someone else takes over for a stretch of 6 hours. If your MIL thinks it is easy, let her have at it! Let's face it, when you hit the sitting on the porch because you are so tired that you will yell at the babies stage, MIL bathing them wrong or feeding them early is really not a big deal. We've all been there - trust me - you need sleep.

 

thanks everyone...although reading that 6-8 weeks is the worst doesn't help to much since they are in the 5 week range...lol.
but i'm glad to know i'm not alone in this boat.

as for soothing methods, we try holding them but sometimes it's not enough. i know they are young but sometimes they really just CIO and it will last 4-5 minutes but they go to sleep. it's the only thing that works. otherwise we hold them and rock them and lay with them and the moment you set them down in their cribs they start crying again. so for sanity reasons we have to do the CIO method. now obviously if the cries are persistent and severe we will keep holding them and doing whatever we can to make them calm down but if they are small and sporadic we let it go and they usually stop within minutes.

and for sleep, my mom and her husband come to do the overnight feeds every 3rd day while DH is at the fire department for 24 hours. that's pretty much the only time i get uninterrupted sleep for 6 or more hours. ever other night i get up every 4-5 hours to feed babies, with or without help from DH. so i get tired and cranky pretty quick. DH's excuse for not doing many night feeds is that he "has to work to put a roof over our heads" and that "i picked a job where you work in 3 hour shifts every 24 hours" soooo he doesn't really get it. i mean, i understand you have to go to work and you don't want to be overly exhausted and that yes i COULD nap during the day if i needed to but a. i have insomnia and don't sleep well and can't sleep on command even if i am exhausted and b. i need a break at night every once in a while.

but thanks for the reassurance that i was doing the right thing and that you've all been there at least once!

 

We all promise, it will get better. We also had to switch from Zantac for one of our girls. It wasn't helping. We got Prilosec. It made such a difference. We also had to switch to Nutramigen, which was covered under our insurance. One of them has a milk allergy. Between that and the Prilosec, she was a different kid.

You need to try to figure a schedule when your husband is home, where you can get some sleep. I had a hard time sleeping on command too in the beginning. Totally normal. You will learn to nap during the day. Sometimes, just laying down and closing your eyes helps. My husband did do one night feeding for me. Are you feeding them at the same time? That makes a huge difference. My girls couldn't be up for more than an hour or so at that age. Make sure you put them down when they give you sleepy cues. We swaddled and used the swing and bouncy seats on vibrate. They loved it. Good luck!!!

 

Mom to Jack and Anna I couldn't agree with you more! At this point in the game you have to not worry about how it's being done, just as long as its getting done. It might not be the way you want it, but at least you can get a break. Sitting on the porch is the best thing you can do when you reach that point, but "letting go" of your ideas of how things should be done will help with your sanity as well.

Also, I would try to not worry so much about a feeding schedule. At this age it's hard to get them into any set schedule, my LO's will eat less during the day and will sometimes cluster feed at night. They also eat more often when going through a growth spurt. If they're hungry, feed them. They will get themselves on a schedule.

 

In return don't expect him to give you any nights off either.
It certainly doesn't help the little ones if the attendant parent is overly tired, but every one can benefit from a little time off, especially when the little ones are so young. and it doesn't have to be about being a martyr, sometimes you can give your other half some personal (or sleep) time just because you can, you love them, they need it... whatever. Though it might be best to limit parental 'time off' to when you have someone else in the house to help you out.

 

I think her point was that it should be equal. Dad shouldn't be getting to sleep every night while mom takes care of the babies every night. Unfortunately, that is the scenario a lot of the time. Certainly, each parent should give the other parent time to sleep, but it sounds like Dad is getting sleep and Mom is not in this house, and that's not working.

I can honestly say that, even when I was on maternity leave, I was NEVER up at night with a baby when DH wasn't up with me. Not once.

 

I completely agree that it should be equal, but "i mistakenly gave DH the night off last night for feedings" does not sound like Dad sleeps every night and "Don't give DH anymore nights off" doesn’t sound like a healthy solution. My point was that none of us can reasonably expect to get a break for ourselves if our attitude is that we won’t let our spouses have one.