I hate going to other people's homes and they allow bad behavior

This has happened twice in the last 2 weeks. Last Sunday I was at my sister's. Her boyfriend was sitting on the couch and Jake starts to climb on their huge glass/wood coffee table. I immediatly take him off and tell him "no climb". Her boyfriend (btw he's 50 with 4 grown kids of his own and 3 grandkids) tells me Jake's doing what kids do. I tell him if he does it here he will do it at home and that is something I will not allow.

Then yesterday, I'm at my Dad's and the same thing happens but this time both Jake & Josh are climbing on his coffee table. My Dad thought it was soooo funny.

Sure enough earlier tonight I was in the kitchen and walked into the living room and there is Jake on top of the end table.

Even before kids, if I seen someone's child climbing on tables I would take them off or alert their parents.

It just drives me crazy when people think bad behavior is funny.

 

I think that other people don't have to deal with the long term consequences of these behaviors--e.g. in this case them hurting themselves or breaking the table.

My parents have generally been pretty good, but my Dad kept trying to convince me to give the boys sugary stuff, and he went behind our backs and gave my son a sip of his milkshake. The boy wouldn't eat anything after that--he completely refused to eat his lunch. We even tried to trick him by putting milk in the shake cup, but the boy wouldn't eat it, so he missed a meal. My DH was so mad, but in the end my Dad realized why I didn't want to give him that sweet stuff, especially right before dinner.

 

This is so true. My parents have insisted on letting the kids sip soda and I absolutely refuse it. They do not need soda!

 

I understand what you mean, but to give you a different perspective the boyfriend didnt see it as "bad behavior" he saw it as just the way kids are. And in his experience with his kids/grandkids he probably felt justified in what he said and may not know you well enough to know thats something you absolutely dont tolerate.

Same thing with your dad, hes probably not thinking about the kids getting hurt or something breaking- hes probably just thinking that its fun and that the kids learned something new.
Even with my own DH sometimes we have to discuss between the 2 of us on whats acceptatble behavior and whats not. I know there have been lots of threads "do I make my kids sit down in the tub or not" I think standing is fine, however my DH does not. Because my DH feels strongly about it I support him, but if I didnt know that I would totally allow it.

None the less, I understand your feelings and think you have every right as a parent to make those decisions but it may not be so apparent to other people. KWIM?

 

i apologize about being very vague in this post, but i am a bit paranoid about certain things i post on the internet... lol, sorry.

i hate it when i am with other people and their children, and their children are harassing my much younger girls and my girls are running from them bawling and screaming and i say something to their children because they are not, and i get an attitude because i said something to their children. hey i need to stand up for mine!

 

The boyfriend was in the room when I was telling Jake not to climb on the table. He heard me tell him "no climb" and watched me take Jake off the table. I told both him & my dad that if they do it at their homes, they will do it at ours and it's not something I allow.

I made it apparent to them, yet they still allowed it and that is what made me angry.

 

Is it really a big problem if they allow it? You're the one who should do the disciplining anyway, so it's really your call. I know I wouldn't be so happy if my inlaws took it upon themselves to discipline my kids when I'm around.

 

I know what you mean. It's also annoying when you have people over to your house who let their kids do stuff like climb on the coffee table or stand on the couch and you don't want to correct someone else's child but you also don't want your kids to see that behavior and think it's okay!

 

I don't think that is what she was saying. I think that once everyone heard her say that that behaviour was NOT ACCEPTABLE, they should have supported her parenting decision, instead of laughing, or trying to brush it off like it's not a big deal. Of course as parents it is our job to discipline, but it sure is annoying if you feel like you can't trust your family to support you in your decisions.

My kids go to my parents house for an overnight almost ever weekend. It's really important, becaues they do spend a lot of time there, to make sure they reinforce the discipline that is important to me. Not climbing on furniture (um, they can get hurt!), no hiting, no biting, no whining, etc.

Do I freak if they eat stuff at Grandma's that I wouldn't give them ... no, I don't. It's a trade off for me for all the breaks we get ... let the Grandparents spoil them a bit. But I think consistentancy in discipline is important, and people should respect the parents wishes.

 

my IL's have 13 grandkids and let them pretty much do what they want. i told my parents and dh's parents that if the girls are doing something they shouldn't be, to tell them. my mom is really good about keeping on them, my dad's a pushover, and the IL's just don't seem to care. it drives me nuts.

 

I would 100% expect my parents or in-laws to correct my children if they are doing something they are not supposed to. Toddlers do dangerous things and can get hurt.

That would make me mad too Dannielle! They could have been hurt and then I bet they wouldn't be laughing.

 

That would make me mad too. Fortunately my family is very good about following my lead in what is and is not acceptable behavior. If they weren't though, they'd hear it from me!

 

That makes perfect sense. Sorry if I didnt understand that in your inital post. It would be like my dh and his whole they have to sit down in the tub and me just letting them do whatever they want even though I know how he feels. I DO think that your parents/relatives should support your parenting decisions and HELP you enforce whatever rules you set for them.

 

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I feel like things I have been working on or completely undone after spending time with other people! It is frustrating when you let people know what you expect and they allow it anyways.