Stranger Anxiety question

We have two families we are close to - one has a 1 year old, the other has a 2 month old. Their mothers are in town at the end of the month and have offered to watch our two LOs with their two grandkids so we can all go out to eat. Of course they made a reservation at a fancy restaurant that will take 3 hours to eat at - I preferred a cookout at our house close to the girls, but they want a night out - understandably. I don't think it is a good idea to leave my two with strangers and my friend is pressuring me - annoying. My question is though, am I overreacting? Do I need to loosen up? It seems like a tender age to me and they watch me from room to room and whine if I leave the room, smile if I come back, etc. What would you do? On one hand I want to be the best mommy (and might not even enjoy myself anyway) and my LOs are my absolute priority, on the other hand, maybe I am too uptight about it? Help!

 

I have always had issues leaving the boys with others. I find it easiest for me if I left when the boys were sleeping. Are they sleeping a good chunk of time yet? I hope you are able to compromise with them.

 

They don't go to bed until 8 pm (and that took us weeks to get down from 11 or midnight) and they sleep usually at least a fairly consistent 4 hour stretch before feeding. Of course the reservation is earlier than that. I am combatting the fact that one of the girls wants things a certain way and said to me on the phone that "it will be good for them...which irked me." So I am trying to dissect battling my own emotions of course vs. what is really good or bad for them. I could use the night out but I want to be confident. Wish grandma lived closer!

 

Can your husband watch your kids - that way you can out with your friends and not worry about the care of your babies?

 

that is a tough one, but you are not alone... i would have a really hard time leaving mine with anyone other than my family. and it doesn't sound like they would be at home, which would create an issue around bedtime. i would be anxious to risk all the hard work you have done being undone by not being at home at bedtime.. like pp suggested, is there any way DH can keep them while you go out? even if he couldn't do the bedtime routine without you, at least they would be home in their own environment. i think you would have a much easier time relaxing and having a good time if DH was taking care of them.

good luck with your decision and know that if you do decide to leave them with your friends moms, that everything will be just fine. it certainly won't be done the way you would do it and yes, they will miss you, but they will survive a few hours without you.. i know, easy to say, not easy to do... and you can always call and check on them, like every 5 minutes!!

 

Hmmm... I wouldn't be ok with leaving mine with someone they did not know. There are so many reasons why I wouldn't be ok with it. Just cause babies can't talk doesn't mean they don't have feelings. They need to be with someone they are comfertable with. Also, a stranger wont know what cries mean or how to read their moods. Im sure they would be safe, but would they be emotionally safe? Could you have a couple play-dates with the people who will be watching them? So the babies could get a little use to them with you there? Is there someone else that already knows the babies that could help? I do agree that it is healthy for you to get adult time without kids, but how much fun would you really have if you were high with anxiety?

 

Thanks everyone for your replies. I can't do it. There isn't a chance to introduce them to the babysitters before that night and I don't want them to be looking for me. If my husband couldn't come with me it definitely wouldn't be fun either. Ah, I am at peace with my decision...heh heh. I have truly become a mom - even though my little peanuts can't talk, I feel like I know what every look, whine, and cry means and no one else does...melts my heart. Thanks again! ardon:

 

I would have made the same decision (and did many a night!). :hug:

 

I would have done the same thing. The only people I've left my 2 with (besides Grandma) is my best friend and they know her because they've seen her a bunch of times. There's just no way I'd leave my babies with someone I'VE never met before, nevermind someone they've never seen, either. Just gives me the heebies.

(Our family lives far away, too .. so I'm feeling your pain.)

 

I've made the same decision many times, it's always hard & often I felt friends didn't understand, but I had to do what was right for me & my kids! :hug:

 

I would have done the same thing. I have only left my LOs once and that was for our anniversary and we left AFTER we put them to bed so they were sleeping the entire time we were gone. They are only young once and I just am not at the point were I want to go off and leave them with anyone else. Sometimes people, for whatever reason, don't understand that but I have learned to just not care.

 

:hug: I would have made the same decision myself! More-so because you and the babies have never met these people before, I just wouldnt' be comfy leaving twins with someone who is probably completely unprepared to handle 2 babies at once. I hesitate to leave them with my mil/fil together, I wouldn't even consider leaving them with just my mil yet, I know she isn't up to the challenge of two babies!