How can I make it easier?

My 2 ½ year old twins started daycare. It was hard at first because they cried every time I left them. I got better after a few weeks but now it is the end of their 4[sup]th[/sup] week and it back to crying.


Last week, on Thursday, I volunteered to go to the zoo with them, they had fun but keept on asking not to leave them. Then on Friday my husband dropped them off, for the first time, and they cried a lot! We just had a long weekend and went back to daycare on Tuesday. This is when it all went down hill. They are both crying so hard, it actually starts at home. My daughter who used to be the strong one and liked going has started crying a lot. To top it off the daycare has separate them in the morning because they are not interacting with the kids.


I don’t know if all of this is making it so they don’t like daycare. I don’t know how to make it better for them. All I do is cry in the car after I drop them off.

:-(

 

:hug: I am so sorry. That is so tough. When my dd was in daycare, she was fine with me leaving up until she was about 18 months, then all of a sudden she would cry when I left.

How long do they cry after you leave them? Do they go back to being fine after a few minutes? My dd would usually cry for a few minutes and then see that the other kids were having fun and be fine.

Maybe this age is when some separation anxiety kicks in again?

:hug: I hope it gets better, very soon. I think it is way harder on you than anyone else - it really sucks to see your kids so miserable, especially when you *have* to leave them to go to work!!

 

The adjustment is tougher the older they are. The best things you can do are:
1 - Keep their routine as consistent as possible, and
2 - Stay positive

Ask the teachers if they seem OK during the day, once they get over their tears. If they do, then they're doing fine. Even if they cry beforehand and say they don't want to go, as long as they adjust once you're out of sight (even if it takes half an hour), they're OK.

As far as the routine, keep it short and predictable. At this age, you can tell them exactly what you're going to do: "We're going to walk into the classroom. I'll help you take off your jackets and wash your hands [or whatever], then you can walk with me to the door. I'll give you a big hug and kiss and say bye-bye, then I'll get in my car and go to work." Then do it. Giving in to tears and pleas for more hugs, kisses, read a story, etc. just gives them the idea that if they cry, you will stay.

Don't change anything if you can help it, until they are both settled in well. Although going to the zoo probably seemed like a good idea, I think it was too soon. The same goes for having Daddy drop them off (unless you're going to make that part of the regular routine -- like, Daddy always drops them off on Fridays or something).

They may have seemed better at first and then gone back to crying because they are starting to understand that this is not temporary. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, it just takes awhile to adjust. Also, my DDs have been in daycare since 8 weeks, and we STILL have periods where they cry at dropoff. They just go through different developmental stages. And it's hard for a month or so every year when they switch classrooms in August (coming up in 2 weeks -- oh joy).

Don't start asking them if they want to go, or if they're happy there. They are old enough to manipulate you and make you start doubting. Stay very positive. Make an effort to learn the names of the other kids in their class, so you can talk about them at home. Find out what they're doing in school and talk about how much fun it will be. Don't downplay their feelings, but let them know that they can enjoy school even if they feel sad to say goodbye to you.

Sorry so long -- I hope this helps! Hang in there, it will get better. :hug:

 

Have you asked the why they are crying. They may not be able to verbalize it yet but it would be worth a shot. My Sarah was doing the same thing. She was fine until she was moved to a different room, then the waterworks started at home before we would ever leave. Turns out the teacher had gotten on to one kid pretty hard and it frightened Sarah and she became scared of her teacher. The teacher and I talked and soon Sarah was fine. She also hated naptime because they were telling her, "NO" and apparently that really upset her. After we were able to talk to the teacher and the teacher talked with Sarah, everything got a lot better.

 

I totally agree with everything Alden said. The only thing I would add is that it may help if they can take a comfort item with them or if you can leave them something (small) of yours to hold on to.

:hug: Sorry you're having such a hard time, I hope it gets better soon.

ETA: As for the daycare seperating them "because they are not interacting with the kids" is that going to be a full-time thing (do you plan to always have them seperated)? Or is it only until they start interacting with the other kids? I don't think there's anything wrong with having them seperated if that's what you've decided you want/is best for them (in fact in that case it probably is best to do all at once), but if not I would question whether seperating them in the short-term (especially when they are still settling in to the daycare and getting adjusted) is the best way to get them to talk to the other children. I'd think it might be counter-productive.

 

Oh, I'm sorry! :hug: It's so hard when they cry as you leave, isn't it? I hate it, too! PP have given good advice. I'd definitely talk to the teachers. Also, try calling the daycare a few minutes later to find out if they're still crying. Chances are, they aren't and your heart will feel better knowing they're happy. They're smart enough to figure you out, and to sense that you're sad because they cry. Unfortunately, that will work for a long time if you let it.

My girls are 3 and still cry once in a while, and transitioning to a new room always seems to be a challenge as well. Our saving grace is that the girls get to eat their breakfast there (that we provide) which is a terrific distraction. Is this a possibility for you at your daycare? My dh takes cereal and milk to prepare for them there. Once they walk into the room, they know to pick a seat at the table and that dh will prepare their breakfast. They're so happy to eat that they aren't sad when he drops them off. DH and I both teach, so once in a while (when there is a 2 hour snow delay), they eat at home first - So, they cry when we drop them off on these days because it's out of their routine and they aren't distracted by breakfast.

Hope it gets better soon, for their sake and your own. :hug:

 

Hope everything gets better for you and your little ones soon. Mine stay with my in laws and they started crying recently when I would leave. It only lasted for moments and then they stop crying. PP have given you great advice and I hope you get some answers that help soon. Big Hugs to you.

 

It turns out they are crying for 5 to 10 minutes after I leave. The staff told me they are fine after I leave.

They are been separated during the morning and after 11am they are together again. I don't mind because my little girl needs to learn to be more independent, she follows her brother and does everything he does. When they start school I would like them to be in the same class, but for now I want her to learn to make her own choice and do what she wants.

Thanks for the great advise! You all made me feel better!!!!