Should I tell them?

My husband and I both have to travel for work. My son, who is a Daddy's boy, gets horribly upset when DH is gone, but disruptions to our schedule are minimal at this point (he is 5.5yrs old). On the other hand, when I briefly mentioned my upcoming travel to my husband in a conversation in the car, the girls immediately caught onto it and started crying "no go way, Mommy!" Now, this is a new chant added to our list of fears to be recounted every evening before bed, and, for the most part, I can assure them that I will be there the next day...but now, I leave Monday for a week (return on the redeye Thursday night). On one hand, I want to tell them, so that they don't just think I'm willing/able to disappear. On the other hand, I'm afraid that Sunday night (when I tell them) will be pure h*ll if I tell them. Thoughts?

 

That is a tough decision. I think I would just keep talking about how you will be going, but how you will be coming back. The more you explain, the more they might understand. I think that just disappearing is not good. Just my 2 cents.

 

My advice would be to tell them starting a couple days in advance (since you have already tipped the idea to them) to give them time to get used to the idea. You can talk about airplanes, the sky, or the location where you are traveling to help distract them from the actual fact that you are going to be leaving. Hopefully by the time you leave, it will be easier for your husband to continue the conversations in your absence.

 

At their age, I would tell them. (If they were 12 months, I wouldn't.) I think they will do better if they have time to process it ahead of time. Don't expect them to like or even accept the idea, but they can handle it. They will probably cry and give you a hard time when you come back, too, but that's life.

Give them as many details as possible, both because it gives them something to think about (other than the fact that you're gone) and because it helps them understand what's really happening. My husband travels a fair amount, and the kids love to remember where Daddy is (San Diego, Germany, Michigan, etc.) Even though they have no idea where these places actually are, it helps to have a name to attach to them. We started doing this when they were around 2. And we also talk to them about airplanes, trains, driving the car, etc. -- anything they can actually relate to in their own lives.

One thing that also helps us is to make a little "calendar" and stick it on the wall by the breakfast table. It can be as simple as a piece of paper with some big squares drawn on it, one for each day he'll be gone. Then I draw Daddy (or in your case Mommy) as a stick figure on a big post-it note. For every day that he's gone, I move the post-it to the appropriate square. This gives them a good visual representation of when he's coming back.

Good luck!

 

I agree, I would tell them now. They might not be happy with the idea, but I think it beats them waking up on Monday and you're gone or telling them last thing Sunday night and having them freak out at bedtime.
I was also going to suggest that you could give them a calendar, and mark the day you'll be back, then each night they can cross off another day. I like the post-it note idea too. You can also talk about it as the number of bedtimes/'sleeps' that you will be away for, as that's more understandable to little kids than the days of the week.

I hope it all goes smoothly.

 

Ditto pps - I'd just keep talking through it over and over and over. Calm and matter of fact, with much emphasis on the coming back part!

Good luck, I hope it goes well. :hug:

 

I had this issue a few weeks ago and thanks to the great ladies here :give_rose: I did end up telling my two about me and my husband being gone for a few days. At first, my dd especially, was not thrilled with the idea and kept saying to not go or to take her with us. I told her it was a place for grown ups only and kept emphasizing how much fun they'd have with the grandparents (or whoever they will be staying with) Have your husband plan something special with them to do or some kind of special treat for them. :wub:

Good luck!!

 

i would tell them and let them get used to it. explain what will happen, how long you will be gone, that they will get to talk to you on the phone and you can even send them mail (prewrite letter to each for daddy to read while you are gone, your husband can pretend to get them in the mail)
you can also make a calender for them so they can see the days your gone and how long till you get home. perhaps you can plan something special (dinner, park etc) for the day you get home that they can look forward to.
good luck

 

I am another one who thinks it is best to tell them now so they have a chance to process the information.

 

Yes, definitely tell them. What Alden said about giving some details they can kind-of "get", like a place name, that you will be in a hotel, you are eating breakfast in a restaurant, all that helps. Email some pictures to DH maybe, so they can see "Oh look there's a big fountain where Mommy is" (or whatever). It's also just really cute hearing them say "Daddy is in Mass-a-too-setts".

 

I would also vote for telling them. Do you have Skype? It's a free video conferencing service you can download on your laptop. My kids love talking to Daddy on Skype whenever he's on a business trip. My youngest is too young to really understand the concept of travel, but she too loves to talk and see Daddy on Skype.

 

I would let them know and I would plan a special family activity for the day you get back (or the next day) so they have something extra to look forward to.