Suggestions for dealing with people

I know other people have been bringing up the peculiar (and annoying) comments that people make when they find out you're expecting twins. My biggest annoyance right now is their comments about my size. I am 5'1" 105 lbs (or I was 14 weeks ago) and am quite petite. The first comment out of people's mouths is, "My God... you're going to be huge!" I've heard quite a range of comments about how huge I will be, how am I going to carry twins, how will I stand up straight/walk/function as a normal human being. It's to the point where I don't even like telling people I'm carrying twins because I no longer have the patience to deal with their reactions. I usually roll my eyes and fake a smile while saying, "Oh, thanks." I've also resorted to saying, "Well, my doctor said I've got the perfect pelvis for bearing twins and that my size actually shouldn't be a factor," but that opens up more questions that I certainly do not want to answer.

Any suggestions for dealing with this? I'm coming to terms with the fact that I might no longer be a size 0 ever again, and I'm good with that... in fact, if me not being a size 0 again ensures that I'll have healthy babies, I especially don't care. I just don't want people to constantly be pointing it out to me, you know? I KNOW I'll be freaking huge... I don't need the comments to help me realize that <_<

Guess I just needed to vent. If anyone has any clever, witty comments... feel free to share :-D

 

wiggle your fingers like you're putting a whammy on them, say "magic!", smile & walk away.

 

It's amazing what people feel they can say to us preggo ladies isn't it? And somehow multiples multiplies the comments! I never had anyone make rude comments to me when I was carrying my son.
I'm 5'9, so I get the opposite reaction. People are constantly saying how small I am for carrying twins. At first it was just annoying, and I felt like asking them if they wanted to carry around my 30 lb. belly for awhile. But now that we know one of our guys is really small and needs to be delivered early, it's become a hurtful statement because it reminds me that he's not "up to par" size wise. Unfortunately, there's not much we can do about these people, but I have decided that the next person that rubs my tummy is going to get a tummy rub of their own :ibiggrin:

Laura

 

the one that always gets to me is "you look great for having twins!"...um, is that a compliment or not??? i usually say "uh, thanks"...or i'll get "glad it's you and not me!" um, ok...with that attitude i'm glad it's not you too or i'll get "me, i'd never want twins, but you'll do just fine!"...uh, what makes me so qualified? seriously? people haven't gotten too bad while i'm still pregnant, it'll be interesting to see how it goes once they are here..i'm going to have FUN taking out all 6 kids...i've got all kinds of things in mind to say when i get the idiots then....i would like to know though, why is it ok to ask about MY sex life because i have a lot of kids, but i can't ask about theirs when they ask a stupid question? seems turnabout is fair play, right?

 

I'm sorry people are making those comments to you. I think people have exceptional curiosities when it comes to twins, and people like to start conversations. Sadly, some of the things they say are less than flattering. I personally don't even worry about it. I am sure you are going to look amazing!!

 

I don't have any suggestions - I get the same comments too, and I'm 5'7" and overweight! I'm already getting the "wow, you look full term already - you have HOW much longer to go?" type of comments. The question/comment that really bugs me though is when people actually have the nerve to ask me what I'm going to wear for underwear, or tell me that the only thing that will fit at the end is a bedsheet!

 

I get mixed reactions. I get the Your going to be huge because I was small to begin with and then I get the your still so small for carrying twins. I just agree with what they say and walk away. People can be rude. I get alot of I am sorry to..??? Then i just give them dirty looks! Lol! Generally I just walk away from alot of the comments because I am too tired and emotional to be nice about them. :hug: to you and hope things get better!

 

Oh yes it is just so annoying!! Up until 34 weeks or so I got the "Are you sure you're carrying twins? Because you are soooo small" - then I guess my belly ballooned becasue now I get the "OMG I can't believe how HUGE you are" yadayada.

Now I never tell anyone I am having twins as their reactions are just plain annoying. If anyone comments on my size and asks when I am due I just say "any day" and walk away. I may start to say "last week" lol

 

Oh the comments they get old really fast. I am 4'11'' so I get them all the time......the worse are the comments about having them early or having a C-section as if we we don't have enough to worry about.

 

If you want to be mean and the annoying person is female and the least bit overweight, poke them in the stomach and ask how far along they are. (Probably not smart to do to anyone you will ever see again.)

I'm prepping for a similar set of annoyances after the kids are born, the "oh my I don't know how you do it" or "your life must be so hard, I could never do that" crowd. If it is someone I don't know I'm sure I'll have something snappy like "well it's a good thing you didn't have this great opportunity because obviously I'm better prepared." Otherwise, smile, nod and walk away.

A fatherhood book I read referenced some Bob Hope quotes - quips like "interesting", "I never thought of that", and "is that so."

 

"My God... you're going to be huge!"

"I sure hope so. I look forward to having two healthy babies!"

But I like Matt's response too :ibiggrin:

 

My goodness those comments are shockingly rude! First of all, I'll bet you WILL be a size zero again. Second of all, I think I would make an annoyed face and say, "um, gee, thanks...that's JUST what a pregnant woman wants to hear." I know that sounds rude, but those are seriously the rudest comments I have ever heard. Maybe they will think twice before saying something like that to someone else. I'm sorry people are such weirdos!

 

I got the exact same thing earlier in my pregnancy! I have no idea how many times i got the "you're gonna be huge!" comment. Now that i'm further along i get the "you look about ready to pop" and the "wow, you look so good for carrying twins!" You cant win with em and i basically ignored more peoples comments and kept on goin.

 

Honistly ladies, if you dish out the rudeness to me, be able to take it... im pregnant with twins and in the later part, so I dont want to hear how big or small you think i am, because i dont care what you think, and dont be insulted if i tuch your belly( unless you are about 80 or so)when you not even knowing me feel the need to touch me( and you bet I will be telling my other kids about personal space as you are doing it.) And come on people.. Yes I am also thanking god that "it is me and not you", because at least my twins will not be RUDE enough to say that to someone's face. Also please dont argue with me about what you think the sex of the twins are.. or tell me you really think that my dr is wrong about what the sex of the babbies are because of the way that they are laying... im 5'2 so if the babbies are laying in one way, i look like they are sitting really low and my belly is a shelf, and the other way, my belly looks like it stops just under my boobs. I have no control of what they do in there.. And no, the dr did not make a mistake.. it is proven( every 2 weeks at my dr app, and u/s) that there really are 2 in there..

Im sorry ladies, i really needed to vent about that.. im sorry i just rambeled on and on. But, im sure most of you ladies will agree with at least 1 thing that i wrote about

 

I think the main thing to remember is patience. People are naturally curious about multiples. That doesn't excuse out and out rudeness, although I think in some cases people just speak before they think and don't even realize how bad it sounds. I know I said/asked things about multiples before I was pregnant with them that must have made me sound like a complete idiot (and probably pretty rude in a few cases).

I didn't get comments about my size (I'm tall) but I did get "My condolences!" and "Congratulations....I think!" Those I found absolutely offensive, but most general twins pregnancy comments/questions were OK. AFter they were born, I didn't get too worked up about questions either, and I actually kind of liked the attention. Except "double trouble." ARGH!

 

I find an honest schooling is the most effective means of dealing with them. That way I am not just gritting my teeth and I may be helping someone else down the road.

I actually started this tactic with inquiries of family planning. After my DS was born I had 2 miscarriages. I was amazed at how many people would say things like, "So...when are you having another" followed by, "you're not getting any younger" or "you don't want a big age gap between them." At first I quietly accepted these hurtful comments, but then smartened up. I started responding with "you really should be careful about what you say. We desperately want another baby and have had two heartbreaking miscarriages while trying. Your comments, though not intended to be, were extremely hurtful." This puts them in their place and makes me the bigger person for not just throwing a wiseass comment back.

 

When folks would point out my size to me I always wanted to say "Yes, I am huge but I'm having twins.... What's your excuse?" SCANDALOUS!! Just wish I'd had the nerve to try it once; I would have loved to see the expression :shok:

My only wise a$$ comment while pregnant...

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At a Christmas party my husband's aunt said "Oh look at how big your belly is" to which I replied with a chuckle "Oh, are we pointing out people's big body parts?" hehe

The rude and inappropriate comments don't stop after they're born; while in the checkout line a couple ahead of me asked me about the twins and said "Oh perfect a boy and a girl". When I told them that I also have a 2yo who was at the sitters the husband said "Well you're done for sure then". :huh: I replied "Oh I don't know about that, ask me again in a couple of years" that sure shut him up.

I have decided that I can't stop people from making stupid/rude/personal comments so I might as well have a little fun with it

 

How about when people say oh how are you going to cope, your not going to get any sleep, and the one that I hear all the time is " you know twins always come early"! Like really I never thought about that. What I would love to say to one of these negitive people is

"Well lucky for us we have so many positive and supportive people around us that help keep us focused on all the wonderful things that having twins bring"

I think that will shut them up in a hurry and make they feel pretty stupid.
I just wish I had the courage to try it. :good:

 

Ohhh Ummpphh I totally get the not up to par thing, it seems like twin pregnancies are full of complications that who knows where they come from, as women & momma's we blame ourselves. I hate that I have to feel that way too. I( tried to "get ready" for this pregnancy, can you believe that i was so naive. With 20lbs lost in first 3 mos, gallbladder attacks, severe anemia, and knock on Wood nothing else I just pray that I don't WISH myself into labor before these girls are ready...

I think I've been either sending out the "don't get near me Vibe" OR I just really really look like hell and that keeps the prying hands away.

Then there are the times when I get so desperate for baby attention that is hopeful & normal that I do tell everyone I see in the store because I need to not see the worry or hear every hesitation in my loved ones eyes and words.

 

The best is when you run into another twin Momma- each time I am re-inspired. Just yesterday all she did was look at me in my eyes (not my belly) and say, "Your gonna get through it- Congratulations!", and she meant it.

God Bless her! :drinks:
We do all Know eachother's pain.

 

That would be a great comeback! We found out it was twins at 22 weeks, so we were in complete shock and pretty panicked about it. What I needed more than anything was encouragement. Instead, the only twin parents I knew (they went to our church and their b/g twins were 4) made a point to come to me after service one Sunday and said, "I'm so sorry! You have no idea what you're in for!" The dad added, "Read all the books you want now, because once they're born, you won't have a minute to yourself until they're 18!" They told me nothing but negative things. I almost burst out crying right there.

That is so true. While I was expecting, I saw a mom of infant twins at Old Navy, and she looked so calm and collected. I had been so worried about how to take two babies to the store, etc., and she had it all figured out and looked so "together." I went up to her and said, "I am so happy to see how you're handling twins, because I have some on the way and I'm freaked out!" She was very positive and encouraging, and that really made a big difference for me.

 

I just wanted to comiserate. Comments about my belly don't get to me, too much most days. Mostly people think I am due now, when really I have several weeks to go. What bothers me is more the comments from friends and family when they say --as mentioned above-- "oh you must be done now." B/c I dunno--maybe I am maybe I am not! Why should i have to declare myself now? I find a lot of close friends and family very prying on this point and they look shocked when I give them my honest answer when really what I want to say is mind your own business! But I m not going to say that to my sister-in-law or mother!

 

First of all, :Clap: to all of us for being nice to the rude people.

I'm only having one this time, but what I love right now is the "you don't even look pregnant" and me wanting to say "yeah, the flab hides it really well!" since I know I've gained 2 inches in my waist (and 1/2" in the chest) and I'm glad I already had all the maternity clothes so I didn't have to go shopping!

 

I can totally relate. I'm 4'11" so I've been hearing the whole time how there's no way I'll be able to go full-term since I'm so tiny. My doctor, however, said not to worry about it. I've already had 2 babies over 9lbs so he said that proves my body can handle the weight of twins but when I tell this to people, they all think they know better. You should see people's eyes bug out of their heads when they ask when I'm due and I tell them Sept .

 

My favorite response to all of the rude questions is, "Why would you say something like that?" and then stare at them waiting for their answer while they have to take a moment to think about what they just said. It can be quite awkward for them but I figure that's the only way they'll learn.

When my boys were just a few weeks old, a repairman who came to the house said to me, "Wow, such a young baby and another on the way already?" I was NOT pregnant. I responded, "Actually, he's two months old and his twin is in the next room. It takes more than a few weeks for a woman's figure to recover from carrying twins to term." You should have seen that guy turn three shades of purple and search for a rock to hide under. I don't think people intend to be rude, they just don't think.

 

People never fail to amaze. I can't make a trip to the grocery store with my 3 kids without at least one comment that makes me wish I could say something rude right back. Yesterday the checker, after asking if my boys were twins, gave me a look of pity and said, "Ugh. Double trouble!" I said to her, "These boys are worth every second."

The worst I've had was a lady said to me, "When I was younger I wanted twins, but now I am SO glad I never had them." I said to her, "You have no idea what you are missing" and walked away.

This was my status on Facebook yesterday: "Today's PSA: If you don't have twins, even if your sister/friend/brother's wife's cousin has them, don't tell me how busy I am, what trouble they are, or how full my hands are. I know it's hard, but, please try to shut your face." I was a little crabby.

If someone I knew was pregnant with twins, I would shower them with the positives. And, there are a ton. We have friends that had twins about a year before we did, and they told us the negatives the whole time. Still - they will tell us that if they could do it all over again, they wouldn't want twins. I can honestly say I wouldn't change a thing.

Regarding the OP, people just don't get it! Your body can handle twins, absolutely. You are going to do amazing. I wish I could tell you to ignore all the rude, insensitive comments, but I can't tell anyone to do that when I can't do it myself.

There is good attention and bad attention. For every horrible, rude comment, we get one good one. A few months ago we were grocery shopping and a couple came up to me and said, "You are so blessed." That makes up for all the jerks.