Ugh! Cute at first - Annoying to others later

What did you say to give that impression?? Really? You just said it. "Thank God I don't have twins." You obviously think they are all the same. It would be the same as saying, "Mary's little girl is such a brat... thank God I don't have children" You are lumping them all together.

 

Well, there's a post on 2-4 about twins going on playdates separately, so maybe there's hope we won't all be so annoying, huh?

I'll go back to the sandbox now...

 

"Twin people"? We might like the perspective of someone from the the outside looking in, but not when that person is looking through multiple lenses which each refract the light in different directions.

How is "spare us your drama" any sort of constructive advice? Constructive advice normally requires that you show something that could be improved and that could feasibly be improved. Regardless, first you say that if one twin is doing something that doesn't mean the other also needs to do something but could stay at home. Now you claim that people are better tolerated whent they are single guests. If only one of them goes to your house (because the other is doing something else), doesn't that make them single guests? Does this also mean that you would prefer if your children only ever invite one friend at a time or does this only apply to twins?

If you aren't a parent of teenage twins how can you have "shared" experiences, particularly with the same opinion as you which seems like what you are looking for? You might be hopping for a while (new world hopping record maybe?).

Says the person who comes on here to whinge about her children's friends thinking that everybody will thank her for her sage criticism of something she knows nothing about.

 

Cindy you wonder why we come to a defence, you come on this website which is meant to be a fun place where individuals can talk about things that have a common thing - twins, yet you come here and say that twins are so different to singlton children when we are the same except have another individual that will always be there, your judging us and say we cant take it.

You came here and attacked us, My mother is 38, has had 4 children 2 older then myself and my twin, and we turned out to be the easier children, it doesnt matter we are twins thats a collective, we have our own friends, she does things I dont like and I do things she doesnt like, we have our own friends and some of the same. we are not in each others fingertips 24/7. There are 6 sets in my senior class and we all have our own friends do our own thing, I have about 15 sets that I actually know and we all are different, we dont need to be in each others faces.

This is your view sure you can have it but dont come here and talk like you did you vented and it was not very nice how you took it. Not everyone that hasnt got twins feels like that, so maybe you should talk to other singlton parents before coming here and taking your frustration out because of ONE set of twins who do that because were not all the same.

I have to agree with what everyone else like Kandra, Cristina, Ruby, Richard and Renee said because its true.

 

What does this mean? That you are getting help (what you wrote) or that you are not getting help (which you didn't write but probably intended to).

What you are suggesting is that parents of twins are somehow required to coerce their children into having separate friends in case the parents of these friends only want one of them to visit at once. What happens if your children decide to invite two friends who are not related? Does this make one of the friends a "tag-along"?

 

I was meaning to ask that too!

My parents didnt tell me I needed my own friends WE as individuals picked our own friends so my parents didnt have anything to do with it.

 

I was wondering about this too. I often had more than one friend over at the same time to play with.
Thankfully my parents didn't mind the "tag-alongs".

My sister and me have always been individuals, but even if we were not and liked the same things and had the same friends, I don't think anything is wrong with that perse.
As long as the twins themselves are happy with who they are than I don't see a problem with twins having the same friends.
We have both got our own friends but also have some friends in common.
Younger twins often have the same friends and are more alike but that changes when they get older.

In our case we like spending time apart and with seperate friends but we also like spending time together and spend time with our friends we have in common.
I am actually going on a vacation next week with my twinsister and a friend of ours.
Obviously we are the kind of twins you think are terrible because we do have some friends in common and like to spend time together.
BTW I am very thankfull that my friends parents never thought of us as tag-alongs.

 

I openly admit, my twins are not teens yet. But like you do not have twins and are able to post, I can look forward to what we can expect.

It is not logical to come to a twins site and get support for your "all twin parents are overwhelmed and all twins are out of control and unable to survive like "normal" kids" stance. If you are overwhelmed that is good that you identify that feeling and you can limit who come over and plays at your house.

As far as being defensive it is also possible that you can not understand that "we" parents of twins have had "good intentioned" strangers and family offering us "constructive" criticism and "helpful" advice since the time we discovered that we were having twins. Telling us how easy or hard they had it with their child or that some one they knew had twins and what they did. We also get stared at, comments and stopped in the store by well intended folks usually asking if we breast fed or if our children were "natural"? As if that was not bad enough. There are the "thank god its you not me people" and the "which is smarter, cuter, and my FAVORITE the good one?

That said from a parents point of view I can not even imagine growing up with all of this. "We" (here I am refering to my friends that have twins and I) do the best to shield our kids from people that find them a curiosity or the idea of them as cute. Because as you so want us to teach them they are so very individual. They just happen to be born on the same day (in most cases) It is people like you that have already decided who what and how they are or should be that I am trying to teach them how to deal with.

I actually hope our house is the house that my guys and their friends, regardless of being a twin or having other siblings that want to come along, want to be at. I figure thats one of the reasons you have kids, to watch them grow up and have new experiences.

Is it difficult at times? Sure but so is like with single birth children whether it is one or more. But good luck finding someone that has twins to commiserate on how awful it is to actually be a parent of twin. Because overall, it is pretty amazing. Because again, they are two very different individuals that you (actually us) get to watch become amazing people. They just take they journey at the same time.

 

All I can say is that I am glad my kids' friend's moms don't feel the same way you do. My kids are 14 and I've NEVER ran into any parents who did not invite ALL of my kids back time and time again. And tell me how much they enjoyed having them there.

Some times free advice is better kept to yourself. (yourself = all of us in this sentence)

 

Well I was applauding Cristina also and I DO have teens. Triplet teens. I also have 3 older children and am WELL experienced where teens are concerned. Your initial post did not come off to me as you wanting advice. It sounded like you were here to bash twins and parents of twins. Maybe you should have left out your criticisms and just asked for the advice you claim you were wanting.

Also I have known Cristina for quite some time and she is the least self absorbed person I know.. here and IRL.

Maybe you should reread your initial post and if you open your mind up and put yourself in our shoes you will see why everyone reacted the way we did. You come on a site FOR twins and parents of twins and start talking about how bad twins are.

 

May I repeat my earlier advice.... Don't Feed The Trolls.

I do have to admit that I enjoy how she was telling the other mods off. Good one Cindy, good one. :good:

 

I totally agree with this. I think Cristina is an amazing woman who thinks of everybody else before she thinks of herself

 

Yeah, that is pretty old :faint: I am glad you dont have twins too. Can you imagine at your age? Sorry, maybe that wasnt the advice you were looking for. ardon:

But it is oh so fun!

 

Exactly what advice did you think you might receive? Kendra gave you great advice. If you want to invite them, invite them, if you don't then don't. If you want to invite just one invite just one. It's pretty simple really.

You want to talk about not needing drama? How about the drama of joining a twin board to complain about how annoying twins are and their parents that are doing a crummy job parenting them? Now there's some drama for you. If you don't want drama then don't create drama. Again, simple.

I'm suprised you find one twin calling your daughter asking if they can do something together because her twin is doing something else *drama*. Maybe she is bored at home without her sister there. So what? Is that really drama? Is it bad parenting that they enjoy each others company? Some might say it would be bad parenting if the sisters couldn't stand to be around each other. My sister & I (she is two years older) used to plan to spend the night at seperate friends' homes on the same weekends because *gasp* we were bored being home alone if the other was gone. Maybe it's not a twin thing but a sister thing. Do you ever think of them or refer to them as sisters? Seems like you are the one not seeing them as individuals.

I noticed on the curfew post you said that our sons friends all hang out at your house. Does he ever have more than one at a time? Does it really matter if they are all singletons or if there is a set of twins in the mix?

 

I find this oh so funny As the parent of teens and twins I think that you need to have this talk with the parents that have the "ADHD" twins as you say. Doesn't matter if it is twins or a single child, if you have a problem take it to the parents. With all your wisdom, I'm sure they'd appreciate your concern. Is that the advice you were looking for?

 

OK then, I am the parent of teen age twins and I can honestly say you are barking up the wrong freaking tree. My boys are 15 and we've never had any of the issues you describe. They are independent and always have been. They are well-behaved, able to entertain themselves just fine, have mutual friends by choice and don't have any issues there. It sounds as if your "friends" would have trouble with their children whether they were twins or singletons because perhaps they just haven't a freaking clue how to parent period. Atany rate, why vent to us here? How about talking to the parents of your children's friends?

What are you doing here anyway? You are not the parent of twins, nor a twin yourself, are you? I don't think any of us need or want your ill-given advice. Unbelievable that you'd come to a multiples board and ask for "advice" and then proceed to talk about all the "drama" in the lives of multples.

 

I find it impossible to believe that you work with banks given your poor grammar and lack of attention to detail in your writing. Perhaps, rather than spending your time insulting entire groups of strangers, you could channel your boredom into a class that could teach you all about double negatives and the importance of capitalization. Just some helpful advice given that you seem to be into that sort of thing.

(I know we are not supposed to feed trolls, but really they need to eat too.)

 

Very good replies everyone! This has been entertaining

:lol: priceless!

 

Agreed the Troll lol indeed Priceless

 

I can tell by your ugly words that you are actually very jealous of twins and parents of twins. I am sorry you are missing out on all of our fun. Instead of your daughter always inviting her twin friends maybe just the two of you can plan some fun events?

 

Did we ask for your flipping advice? I don't think anyone invited you to this board to share your opinion, so keep it to yourself and find some mom of singleton boards to vent on!

This a board for twins and parents of twins, I can go in any of the open forums and I do check them out to get an idea of what is ahead of me or to help those that are where I have been. You have never walked in our shoes, nor will you ever, so beat it!

I don't have teenage twins, but my kids do have play dates with singleton kids and like others my kids are much better behaved, share better than most because they have ALWAYS HAD TO SHARE, and get that the world does not completely revolve around them. I think you might need to spend some time with my kids, you might learn something!
With your attitude I cannot imagine in this economy you are very successful at selling anyone anything, which is why you have so much time on your hands. I agree with MomtoJackandAnna take some classes and try to find something to do other than give out unwanted advice.
What a turd, why don't you go lay in the yard!

 

I feel sorry for your daughter, poor girl. Next time maybe you should post your "free advice" on another site because here we love twins they are our lives and our pride, not just is my set special to me but every set that is on here is special to me. So you should EXPECT defense on this site. You were way out of line.

and you said that people don't always view themselves the way they are??? Listen to yourself and take your own advice. You come across as a judgmental, self centered, control freak who is very annoying - is that how you feel about yourself??

 

Yes, absolutely thank God that you don't have twins because you obviously would not be able to handle it. I'm appalled at the gall you have coming onto a website for parents of multiples and bashing them as if they are all complete idiots. This forum is here for support not criticism of all twins and their parents based on one set of twins you know.

My daughters are almost 15 years old and each have their own friends and some friends are mutual to both. I can assure you that their volume of friends has not dwindled as they've gotten older. In fact I would say it's grown. One parent whose daughter invited both of my daughters for a sleep over at age 11 told me how lovely and well behaved they were. In fact, they were very happy to have my daughters over anytime compared to a single child that was a complete heathen. And by the way, not only am I the parent of twins I'm also a single parent that's raised 2 lovely, vibrant young women. (figured you probably think single parents are horrid too)

Quite honestly, I feel sorry for your child that she has a parent that is so ignorant and intolerant. And I'm sure after your advice to the parents her friend base just dwindled by two. Now who is the bad parent?

 

wow! This got pulled up from lllooonnngggg ago. Seems this troll is gone. If she is real her children and her experiences are 3 years older so hopefully she is a little wiser.

 

The most concise reply I can think of to Cindy:

I am taking your advice and not getting caught up in your drama either

Please remember that advice and venting are two different things.

Now some ramblings of my own;

I am a teacher of middle school children and I handle upset parents on a weekly basis. So even though I sense a great deal of anger and frustration in your post, I can see the overall point you are trying to make:

Be sensitive to other parents' needs and perspective when they don't have twins. Got it...thank you....

(See that was an example of advice..... )

 

Welcome Frannieland!

This thread is a couple of years old and thank goodness Cindy the real estate agent has left us to our own twin raising in the meantime.