In an ideal world?

So the plan was for me to care for the babba's full time until they turn 1yrs old, at which point their Nana (MIL2B) would take over 3 days a week while i go out to work. We have put our house up for sale so we can move near to her so it would be easy to drop off and collect the babba's. Nana has just called to say that she is moving in with her latest Boyfriend that lives at the other side of town, where we currently live! She is still willing to take care of the babies, just a change of location. We would be paying her £250 pmth for her services. So we would be paying less than daycare and have the benefits of a flexible familiar place for the babies to be brought up.

This has thrown all our plans out of the window really, we don't wish to live in this area anymore and i don't drive so wouldn't be able to collect or drop off the babba's when i have to work and when DF is at work. DF is really frustrated with his Mum's change of plan as this was arranged when we first started the IVF treatment. We really don't feel like we want to put the babies into day nursery when they are 1yrs old and don't know anyone else who would care for them. So we have looked at our finances and we could stretch to me staying home fulltime with them until they start part time education at 3yrs old, this is all i have ever wanted in some ways but i have some concerns also.

We will be living hand to mouth and our budget for nice fun things would be next to zero.
I have PND and i am on my way to getting better but i realise that being cooped up indoors has never been good for my mental health, i worry about the consequences of being alone for 3yrs.
I am quite isolated here and worry that the babies don't get enough contact with people other than me.
Day nursery can be brilliant for children and i obviously want what is best for my daughters so i guess my question is. If you had the choice at what age would you happily send your twins out to day nursery before? I don't want to hold them back but i don't want to send them to young either.

Sorry if this is confusing but any thoughts are appreciated, TIA

 

I don't know what advice to give you. I've sat here thinking about it for awhile trying to decide what to say, but the only advice I have is that you need to decide what is best for the girls and you. There has to be a balance that will be best for everyone & it's different for every family. Staying home with them is great but if it's not going to be mentally healthy for you, then that's maybe not the best solution since the girls need you healthy even if it means you are with them less. Does that make sense? How isolated are you? Are there mom's groups or something similar that you could join that would get you out of the house & get them more social time as well? Is there a possibility you could work part time? Then you could get out of the house some & the girls would be in daycare less. I hope you can find a solution that works for you! :hug:

 

This was my first thought. Many parent and toddler groups (the kind that meet in church halls) are very inexpensive (I'm in London and the ones I go to cost £1-2.50 with two kids), some things are even free. If you could find two or three things to go to each week that, together with going for walks/to the park etc, would probably be plenty to keep you all occupied.
My opinion is that most children under three do not need the 'socialisation' of a day nursery, especially if their week contains activites and outings. So in an ideal world I would not send my (hypothetical at this point) children under three to a day nursery. However, as Tina said, you also have to take into account your needs. Sending them to a day nursery is not a horrible thing to do.

The other thought I had was does your MIL drive? If you do move is there any chance she would be willing to drive to you? (You could offer to pay her petrol costs on top of the £250/month)

Edited for spelling

 

Hey Tina thanx so much for taking the time out to make sense of it all :hug: I totally agree that i have to be well for me being a stay at home Mum to work, i am well on my way to getting fixed lol i just worry about falling back into not very nice place again. I know of some playgroups i could use, it's having the driVe to get to them somedays that i struggle with. Parttime isn't an option as i don't want them in daycare while they are so young. I would feel more comfortable sending them to daycare when they can walk and talk a little. I want them to benefit from going to daycare not just get sent there cos i have to work IYKWIM

 

I pretty much agree with Tina, except to say that it's not "necessary" for them to go to daycare or to a babysitter or anything else like that for them to be social. I've been a SAHM for 7 yrs, ever since my first ds was born, and none of my kids have ever gone to any kind of daycare setting. But we take the kids everywhere with us. Groceries, library, park, zoo, my ds and I went to a "Muzicgarten" class when he was abotu 18 months...that type of thing. And my older two are very well adjusted/socialized kids I'm not saying you don't think they are, I'm just pointing out that you don't HAVE to send them to a daycare for them if you don't want to or just can't...I promise they'll turn out to be adorable little social butterflies all on their own! :wub:

 

Thanx so much Zoe! Firstly MIL doesn't drive either. The activity days sound great! I do worry about the logisitics of it with two mobile babies and one of me? Some days i don't always feel like venturing out and i am blaming that on PND hopefully PND will soon be a thing of the past and the barriers i have in getting out of the house dissappear with it. Like you say 3 things a week will be so good for the babbas and will help me stay sane aswell! So you think around 3yrs old children start to benefit from a nursery setting. I know that some nurseries are fantatstic settings just not my choice for when they are little that's all.

 

Thanx Dani! I see where your coming from completely.