I don't think I am going to survive Twin Toddlers

This is really just a vent b/c I am going crazy.

We just got back from 10 days on vacation and it was nearly HELL to me. I came home depressed.

The boys turned 3 in April and I swear the whininess and fighting gets worse instead of better. They still fight over everything and whine more than ever. Everyone keeps telling me with twins that it gets better but when? I know we were out of our norm and later bedtimes at the beach but they are almost just as bad when at home w/o vacation so I can't blame it on that. They are so defiant and plain wild! I don't know if we are going to survive it!

I know you shouldn't compare but I had twin cousins growing up that were 17years younger than me. They were never like my boys. They were hard as infants but as Toddlers they were pretty good. One of them had her own 13mos old daughter there this week and she is a jewel! She acts better than my two ever have. She can go out to a restaurant and just sit and eat w/o a whimper. She listens better than my 3year olds. We hardly ever take the boys out b/c Cooper can't sit still after 5mins and then Eli starts to feed off of his energy. I don't even remember what I ate b/c I was fighting with them the whole time.

Cooper is being evaluated for ADHD and will most likely get that dx when he turns 5 according to the Pedi Behavior doc. He is so high strung and has horrible impulse control issues we are working on. Eli starts to feed off of his actions and it's just chaos.

Please tell me life with twins will be enjoyable some day.

 

I have no great words of wisdom for you, since I am in the same boat some days with my 3 year olds. But, I did want to say that my experience is that vacations with young twins are EXHAUSTING, so give yourself time to recover from that. In fact, we probably should not use the term vacation -- a friend of mine with twins calls it a "relocation" (same issues, different place.)

I say this knowing that we leave next week to visit family in Missouri for a week. This is our 3 visit -- each year we come back totally and completely exhausted and I think to myself "never again" and get each year we do it again!

Big hugs to you.

Meg

 

I hear you.

Three and I hate to say this to you but, four, were hard years. Now that we are 4 and 3/4th it is getting better.
Hang in there and try to get some breaks for yourself.

My only suggestions would be have you tried strenous exercise? We went through a phase of running races with the girls to purposely wear them out, especially if we were going out later that day.

I also have had good experience with the Yoga Kids videos. There is one called silly to calm with sound like might be good for your boys.

 

Big Hugs....

My cookies are a little over two but I can imagine how difficult it must be to try manage two energetic boys. My DS doesn't listen either. He runs away when you tell him to come. He laughs in my face when I try to discipline him and time outs mean nothing because he would rather be by himself anyway.

DD on the other hand listens, feels guilty when she gets yelled at and potty trained in a matter of days where DS has absolutely no interest.

I truly think boys and girls are different but I have also been told you pay for girls in the back end so...take a deep breath give your boys big hugs and kisses and thank your lucky stars that middle and high school will be a breeze. Consider these next few years an upfront payment for a stress free adolescence...maybe.

LC

 

I know exactly what you are saying. I have 4 year old twins and I stay at home with them and have since they were born. They have never gone to daycare or preschool and spend all day with just ME! My family doesn't help out at all, so even during the weekdays I have no one to take the kids off my hands for an hour or two.

I feel like I am at my wit's end. I'm ready to go back to work but we can't afford daycare, and again, I've got no one to help. I feel completely socially isolated and hurt b/c when I try to tell others how I feel they don't really understand. My dh is the worst at this and it really burns me up. He thinks staying at home all day would be a great job!

I don't even have a car so I can get out of the house once in a while. It's like I'm a prisoner in my own home and I hate it. I'm very unhappy, depressed and frustrated.

Sorry to hijack your post. I just wanted you to know you are not alone.

Holly

 

Thanks Ladies! Now that we are back to the "norm" maybe I will be able to loose up some. I just needed to vent I guess. I just feel so haggered and strung out sometimes by the end of the day or taking them somewhere.

Holly- I honestly don't know how you do it. I do have some help and do work. Major Hugs to you! If your hubby thinks it's such an easy time at home tell him to try it for just one week.

 

Oh Holly!
You need to work out some way to go away for the weekend and leave DH home alone with the kids. A church retreat, a visit to an old girlfriend or some cousin, a course, anything. Fathers need to be in charge for at least 48 hours. Trust me, it will change your life, and open up his eyes. It ought to be a law.

 

My girls are 3.75 and, while I do believe girls may be easier than boys at this age, it is still really hard. I work FT and I thank my lucky stars for it, because a 2-day weekend wears me out and a 3-day weekend nearly undoes me! Coming home from vacation, for us at least, is always harder than actually being on vacation. I always have to remember to give it a few days (after any major change) before I freak out at their behavior, because it usually does settle down when things get back to normal. "Settle down" being a relative term, of course. Hugs to you -- I hope the rest of this week is better.

 

For me starting preschool made the three year old year much better. They started listening to other adults, and it really did start to carry over at home. The boy you are having evaluated, is he going to special needs preschool? I know for Jonathan, going to that program, where he was in school 5 days a week made a HUGE difference in his behavior. Friends who saw him even a month after he started the program couldn't believe it was the same child.

I truely does get better as they get older, and they can attend better to what is going on, and their attention span grows. For your child who may be ADHD (the reason they don't like to diagnose before 5 or 6 is because it could be something else which is hard to tell at age 3), you do need to find his "currency". That is the thing that HE really wants, and have him work for it. (At 3, I was told Jon might be ADHD, and to come back in 3 years for a check. At 5, he was noted as "having the behaviors of an extremely gifted child", in other words it wasn't ADHD, just his brain was going so fast, he couldn't at 3 slow it down enough to attend. As he grew, and has been more challenged academically, he is not showing the signs of ADHD at all).

 

Holly, I hear you! I'm in the same boat, except w/ a car. Hugs to you! I wonder if we can afford two in preschool and yet w/o it I think I'd go nuts! I want to go back to work, but can't afford daycare!

As for this age, I know we're only 2 1/2 now, but I hear age 3 is just really tough in general and we have 2, so it's constant whining. I find I get more burned out because when one is having a good day the other isn't and vice versa so someone is always whining. My attitude is just take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time to try to get through those days. Hang in there!

 

Sharon- Cooper isn't in a special needs pre-school. Just a normal day-care that incorporates pre-school ciriculum. He actually scored above his age level and his teachers say they think he gets bored in his room. He does better and stays more focused when he is challenged. This may sound crazy but he LOVES to help me do housework and chores. If I give him the vacuumm he can do a better job than me and he will move things to get under them. He loves to be challenged and praised. We try to keep him busy but it's not easy. The thing that concerns me the most about him right now is his impulse issues and some aggression issues. He is having a real hard time with throwing things(any and everything) and we have tried everything to remedy it. It's almost like he can't help himself.

 

3 was a hard year for me as well. I do think it was our worst by far. They were sneaky always getting into things not listening... doing things just because they knew they weren't suppose to. When they turned 4 things started improving. Preschool helped the most. They are completely different children. They are AWESOME.

 

No great advice, just know you're not alone.

3 was definitely the most challenging year with my daughter. 4 hasn't proven to be a whole lot better, but I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and glimmers of maturity in her.

My twin 2 yr old boys also keep me on my toes and there are days when I think "I'm too old for this!" but then I remember how very much I wanted all of them and how lucky I am to have them.

I know it's hard, though. So, so hard.

 

I'm so with you on this, but mine are only 26 months. I am sitting here in tears as I just put them down for their nap and came here for some answers/help/support. My overall thought is, "I know I can do this, but shouldn't I enjoy it too?" I'm a crab all day, can't seem to smile or laugh with my girls, and constantly think I'd be happier at work. Who thinks like this? I know I am lucky to have healthy girls, ability to stay home with them, etc, but even with family and husband support, I am losing this battle of the wills. My life with them is slipping by and I'm not getting any enjoyment out of them. I try to remember all the quotes I've heard for support (you're gonna miss this, no stage lasts forever, one day at a time, etc) but it doesn't help in the heat of it. I see other pregnant women and wonder if they really know what is coming. My girls cry over everything, fight over everything, and when they are not fighting, they are running through the house apparently trying to find their way to an emergency room visit for stitches or a broken bone. They cry in the stores, hit each other and pull hair in the front of the two kid carts. My poor 5 year old bears the brunt of the yelling, even though it is not her fault that my house is craziness. I'm not the mom I wanted to be or thought I'd be. Thank you for letting me vent. I don't intend to hijack your post, but to let you know that others are there with you, kleenex in hand, trying to get through the day, and to find a way to do more than just get through it but to LOVE it. I wouldn't settle for an out of the house job that I just "get through" so why should I accept just getting through it for the most important job I have. This is now feeling like a dear diary post, so I will cut myself off!!!!

 

:hug:
Honey No!
Who thinks like this?
A Lot of people that's who.
I'm happier at work, and I know several other mothers are too.
Your children deserve a happy mom.
Sit down with your DH and have a serious serious talk, the sooner the better.
Get yourself happy.

 

Kendall, big hugs to you! I know how you're feeling. Right now, I'm trying to decide between having a drink or launching myself out a window (not too high up, just enough for a couple weeks rest in the hospital). Half the time, I feel like the third toddler in the equation, crying, yelling, throwing tantrums. It's just horrible. I'm so ashamed. I am also seriously considering going back to work just for the break. I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

Stephe, I have one word for you -- KARATE. My mother enrolled my brother (who is ADHD) at about 3. He used to chase me with knives, fire pokers, throw chairs at me and whatnot. He is also extremely bright and had no self control. Karate taught him to focus his energy. And, never to hit unless attacked (or something like that). It made a HUGE difference in him.

 

Mexican doctors actually perscribe Tae Kwan Do for ADHD.
And Mexico's only medals in China were in Tae Kwan Do.

 

I second this 100%. Plus, you do not know how much you will be recharged after just one weekend away!

ME!!! Mine are younger - just about 18 months - but a lot of mothers find that they are happier and better mothers if they work. That may or may not work for your family, but don't feel guilty for feeling it. People think that wanting time away from their children is selfish and wrong, but it's not. You did not cease to be a human being when your kids were born, and ignoring all your needs is not going to be good for them. Kids don't need martyrs as moms - they need happy moms.

When was the last time you focused on you? Exercise, time away, quiet time to read a book? Can you get a sitter for a few hours a few times a week, put them in preschool, go to the gym and put them in childcare? You are important in this equation too, and it's only going to benefit your family for you to be happy!

 

I have read that about the karate.

I am going to look into it right now! I think it would do wonders for both of them.

 

People are amazed that our girls can sit down and eat a meal. Our trick/secret?
Make sure we've been to the park or any physical activity that involves running and jumping,
and NO snacks for 2~3 hours, they get hungry and they look forward to sitting
down and eating. I passed this tip onto many mums here in Hong Kong and they have all
said "Wow, instead of sitting for 5 minutes, my son sat down and ate with us for 45 minutes" hahahaa
TIRE THEM OUT.

 

I know for certain that them being three has been loads harder than them being two. Jessy is more whiney and jazz is more active than ever.

I have noticed that the more we take the girls out the better they behave.

 

I love this thread, only because it is good to know that I'm not alone!!

Right now our boys (2 years) are pretty good. If we go out and they can stay in their stroller, I am good to go. Eating out is a whole different ball game and each time we do it, we ask ourselves why in the hell we would do it again!! Our daughter (4.5 years) is the major drama queen in our house, and I'm worried about when the boys hit 3-4 years and they turn crazy as well.

Each day, I will admit that I look forward to 1:30 p.m. That's when I put the boys down for nap, Ella gets her "rest" time, and I sit in my recliner on my *** and watch TV or do some scrapbooking or read a book. It is heaven. I SO need it. My 3 kids are a handful, and I can finally say that without feeling awful. Yep, they are. 2 - 2 year old boys and a 4.5 girl are just bound to be. I keep telling myself that I don't feel this way because I'm a bad mom, but because I'm human.