When will I be able to actually hold a conversation with someone

I just find it impossible to go to mom's groups, or playcentres and actually talk with other moms! I am so tired of going to them with moms that have only one child because I am SURE they think I am anti-social, because I rarely speak to them. I mean I do try and say "hi, how are you", but that is about as far as the conversation goes before I have to dash off to rescue a child hanging off of a chair, or referee a fight over some toy or a spoon! They just don't seem to understand either, ugh, I had one mom today that brought her nanny (for one child), so she was sitting their trying to talk to me while my DD was crying because she had fallen, and I was trying to stop DS from eating too much sand. And, yet she kept asking me questions when I clearly could not concentrate on the conversation. So I would give like one word answers, then dash off to help a child, then come back just in time for another one word answer. I am starting to feel very anti-social...I don't really even try anymore to talk to anyone...its just not worth getting into a conversation and never getting to finish it.

When does it get better?

 

For me, it was around 3 years old, that I could comfortably sit and carry on a conversation while watching from afar.

 

I'm not totally there yet, but it is getting better. I'm in a moms group and feel the same way as you. They are getting the boundries thing much better now, and they are getting pretty good on playsets so that helps a lot. When there is a playdate in someones house it is still rough, but getting better. Most of the time now I feel like I'm just watching them to make sure they are being good! The best idea I'v found is to have a playdate at your house ;-) We just got a new playset so we had had our group over. It was the best playdate ever. The boys were great b/c nothing was new to them and they know what they can do at our house!
Hopefully not to long from now we will be able to sit down and chat...with the other moms!!

 

For me it depends on the day, somedays the kiddos can be playing nicely and staying out of trouble and I can watch them and have a decent conversation. Then there are other days where I can barely utter a sentence without saying, "No, don't do that" or chasing after a child. Good to know that it does gets better!

 

I feel the same way. Most of the moms in our playgroup are my close friends and so they do tend to hold off on the convo until I can return. But they aren't that indepth of a convo to begin with. I don't know about trying to meet new people if I could really do it with the kids around. At the park I have tried to talk to other moms but it is difficult.

 

I totally understand what you are saying. I just started in a mom's group...I don't know yet how that will go for us. BUT, I think I come across as being rude and anti-social to some of the other mom's at our church. They try to stop and talk to me and either I am chasing a kid or trying to hang on to both so they don't run into the parking lot. I am not very engaged in the conversations because my mind is usually racing. It would be nice if they would understand, some don't and now I get the cold shoulder from a few.

 

Its a little better this year compared to last year. But now I have to teach the girls not to interrupt because I'm getting way too good at holding 3 conversations at once (one with M, one with A, and one with another mom).

 

It's really gotten better for me the past few months. Maybe it's because my twins, who are 17 months, love playing with their three year old sister. Most of my friends also jump into to help me, even if they have one or two of their own. I think they feel sorry for me because I have my three so close in age! However, I know that I am actually the lucky one!!
Hange in there ... I think you get to a point where you just don't worry about it.

 

It's hit or miss for me! I find that at home or at an indoor play area, I can have longer conversations with moms (well, more meaningful and lengthier ones!) but if I'm at a friends house or worse someone's home that isn't baby-proofed...forget about it! I find most of my friends are super-understanding about the choppy discussions we have and are helpful but it's hard! Some days they'll play for an hour happily and I'll cover major ground with a friend! Just depends. This is why girls night outs are so important to me, so I can REALLY open up about stuff and not forget what I'm talking about...but mommy brain makes that a challenge too

 

When they hit 2 years old, 10 months. We went to a birthday party and I talked to all the moms for 2 hours, rarely seeing my kids. IT WAS A MIRACLE. And it happens all the time now too.

 

Totally agree. I can go over to friends houses now and they will play well with other children without constant supervision. It's fantastic, but it only started in the last year or so.

 

that really sucks (and it's pretty naive, if you ask me) that someone doesn't understnad. i've been lucky that people always do understand when i'm in that position. i try to have my mom, sil or mil come w/me to those things, but even when i do i never really can bond w/anyone much.

 

This happens to me, too, when we got to playdates.

The only people that I don't feel like this around (b/c they really pitch in and help chase after my little guys) are my cousin's wife who has 2 young kids, my best friend who has 1 daughter, and my mom and MIL. Everyone else seems like look at me like I've lost my mind (um, I have! :laughing: ) while I'm chasing around my 18-month-olds as my 5-year-old talks my ear off.

One day they'll be off playing on their own, barely acknowledging that I'm there - and I'll miss these days.

 

Depending on the setting, sometime after age 2. There are some toddler-friendly, completely fenced in playgrounds near us that I could take the girls to when they were not quite 2, and could sort of hold a fragmented conversation with someone while I watched them. We also have some friends who had a toddler-proof playroom and a son a bit older than our girls, and around age 2.5 we could send them all in there to play. Usually one adult had to stay in there to referee (at least until they were 3 or so), but the rest of us could have adult time, and just switch off.

Now that they are 3.5, it's MUCH easier. Sometimes we have dinner with friends and barely see the kids, except when we have to drag them to the table to eat.