After nearly 13 months I give up..

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by sullivanre, Jul 10, 2009.

  1. sullivanre

    sullivanre Well-Known Member

    It's 1:52 AM eastern time. Can't sleep; I've been up twice with the boys. Mark was the instigator both times. His teeth are hurting, but he wakes even when they don't hurt, so who knows. It's both of them; it's not like I have one good sleeper and one bad sleeper; they both wake most nights.

    After 2 rounds of CIO, a string of 5AM wake ups, and countless night feeds that they probably don't need, I give up. I don't think I can go over to first year and read another post by a mama to 5 month olds complaining about not STTN :girl_devil: When you've been getting nearly every night for over a year, you lose patience. :)

    Hopefully, I be back to sleep before 2AM.
     
  2. sullivanre

    sullivanre Well-Known Member

    The edit stamp says 2:07. Missed my goal.
     
  3. Kyrstyn

    Kyrstyn Well-Known Member

    :hug: Momma!! I hope they start sleeping for you soon!! :hug:
     
  4. pgmummy

    pgmummy Well-Known Member

    I've got a truckload of sympathy for you, but no good advice unfortunately. I do have a friend who had amazing results from using methods in the Baby Whisperer for toddlers. She was pretty desperate to get her toddler to sleep since she was pregnant with twins at the time.
     
  5. Rach28

    Rach28 Well-Known Member

    I also used The Baby Whisperer method with feeds and sleep and mine STTN at 4.5 months (sorry, I don´t meant to rub your nose in it :blush:). Are they waking for feeds? What´s your routine like? I hope you get them to sttn soon as that has to be torture for you. :hug:
     
  6. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Big :hug: to you. I hope that you are sleeping in this morning and so are the boys!
     
  7. jjzollman

    jjzollman Well-Known Member

    :hug: Rachel :hug:

    I wish I had some great advice for you. Mine STTN for the most part, but usually Sullivan is up between 4:00 and 5:00 and spends the rest of the morning sleeping in our bed. Not nearly the same as waking up throughout the night. Have you tried (I'm sure you have, but just thought I'd throw these out there):

    -Crib Soothers like the Ocean Wonders Aquarium that fastens onto their cribs and they can press the button and it lights up and plays music? I've noticed when our's wake up in the night they'll turn these on until they fall back asleep.

    -Loveys? These work well for our boys, too.

    -Toys or books in their cribs to play with if they wake up?

    -Sippy cup of water in the crib?



    What do they do if you ignore them when the wake in the middle of the night? Do they just keep crying? Can you go in, pat them, soothe them for a few minutes and then leave or does it make it worse? Can you share what a typical night waking is like? Maybe someone here can give you some ideas....
     
  8. sullivanre

    sullivanre Well-Known Member

    They generally go down pretty well. I change them into their pajamas, give them a bottle, and put them in bed. Then when they finish the bottle; I get them out and brush their teeth, and put them back in bed. I know the bottle in the crib is a bad habit, but they generally go down fine.

    They generally wake sometime around between 11 and 1. I let them fuss a little, and if the crying escalates, I go in and given them a bottle. I've tried the patting and shushing, but it doesn't calm them down at all. In fact, they never calm down completely until I leave. I don't give them more than 4 ounces these days, and 9 times out of 10 they go back to sleep. I have been experimenting lately, and giving them motrin or oragel if I think it's teeth. The molars are killing Mark, and last night the motrin didn't work, so I broke into the oragel on the second round (I should have remembered it the firs time. I also gave him a small bottle both times. The second time he woke Eli who was pi**ed that he too didn't have a bottle.

    Maybe I just need to take away all bottles.

    You know I've even tried bring them to bed to get them away from each other s few times, and that is completely hopeless. Anytime an adult is in their sight they cannot sleep.

    Actually, I haven't tried a crib soother or a sippy cup. The lovies are helping. I'll start adding those.

    As much as I'm frustrated, they are getting better. Very, very slowly, but it is improvement. Lately I've actually gotten a night or two a week without wake ups.

    If I ignore them the crying either gets louder and the one who's awake yells until the other one wakes up or they stop. It's a crap shoot. Generally, if they wake fusing a little they can settle back down, but if they wake screaming, the only thing that settles them is a bottle. Unless I go in with a bottle or oragel, it gets worse.
     
  9. djpizzuti

    djpizzuti Well-Known Member

    I can make you feel better! My two have never slept through the night (although like your boys they go down for the night easy), not ever, waking anywhere from one to three times each. I just switched the milk in their bottles for water, didn't change a thing. Now, my four year old has been having night terrors that escalate into pure shreaking screaming hysteria for hours (I am seriously waiting for a knock on my door because one of my neighbors called the police :( ) so if they do happen to be asleep they aren't for much longer and then I have three hysterical children because Nick scares the twins <_< .

    I'm suffering from sleep deprivation induced dementia.
     
  10. Joyful

    Joyful Well-Known Member

    My twins are STTN now (for the most part), but they didn't until around 18 or 19 months. My 14 month old does not STTN. Honestly, during my struggle with the twins to STTN, my greatest piece of advice was to quit trying. There are so many methods out there to get your kids to STTN and, for me, it was discouraging and exhausting to try so hard to sleep train. The second I quit trying to get them to sleep, I could get up with them and not feel like I had failed, and was happier doing it. Your kids will STTN. It may not be tonight but it will happen. For what its worth, my kids all started sleeping longer stretches when I cut out nursing at night.
     
  11. sharerc

    sharerc Well-Known Member

    I would get rid of the bottles. There is no reason they should still need to eat in the middle of the night past 6 months. Try weaning down on how much you give them in the middle of the night. If you're giving them 4 ounces now, go down to 3 ounces for a week, then 2, then 1, then nothing. They'll get the hint (hopefully). And I totally believe in CIO. I had to do CIO because mine would not sleep in their cribs. Then I did it again because they kept losing their binkies in the middle of the night. Even now when/if my girls wake up for something, even if it's teething, I don't go in and get them. I've learned their cries. I can tell if they are truly sick or I would know before even putting them to bed. As far as waking the other twin, they will learn to sleep through their sibling crying. The nights that mine wake up are few and far between and have been since 3 months. But they know that I'm not going to rescue them. It didn't take long for them to figure it out. I would be going insane if mine weren't STTN at 13 months! I don't know how you are still sane!
     
  12. sullivanre

    sullivanre Well-Known Member

    Oh, yeah. The only thing worse than two kids who don't STTN is 3 or more. :)

    I think this is what I need to do.

    Yeah, I need to stop because it's just become a crutch for them to go back to sleep at this point--like a pacifier or something.

    You know I'm actually worse at distinguishing night time cries, and that's big issue in the battle. Last night Mark was screaming before he went to sleep. I though he was mad because I came in and checked his diaper and he saw me, so I was ignoring him. Finally, his DH went in and his leg was wedged in the cribs slats between the dresser and the crib. I swear in the middle of the night the second time he woke; he had the same cry, but I suppose at this point. I'm so exhausted and frustrated that I don't know what's what.

    I've done CIO 3 times now--for naps, for night wakings, and again for night wakings. It lasts for a couple days.

    I think this cycle got started from the very beginning because I'm such a light sleeper, and I can hear all their whining. I would have had a nervous breakdown by now if I had a baby monitor. :)

    I have no idea how I'm sane either. This is the most frustrating thing ever.
     
  13. daniv

    daniv Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear they are still not STTN. I hope you can find something that helps but I don't have any advice to give. I just know how difficult it is from a friend's perspective. My BFF had problems with her oldest getting her to sleep all night. She finally gave in and put her in the bed with her and her husband. She's fighting a battle now that they have a new baby.

    :hug: :hug: :hug: to you!
     
  14. sbcowell

    sbcowell Well-Known Member

    I have learned over the last 17mnths, that I can function on very little sleep (not by choice), but prior to kids I NEEDED my 8hrs of sleep a night. My twins were not the magical ones you read about in the FY forum that sttn very early, mine didn't sttn until they were 8months and that was only because I helped them (CIO). I am also an extremely light sleeper, so any little noise wakes me up, so I have had to do somethings so that I don't hear every groan, grunt or whimper. I always sleep with the twins doors closed, and mine almost closed and many nights I sleep with a pillow over my head as well. That way I only hear them if they are really crying, I dont hear any little whimpers.
    When I did CIO - i knew listening to the crying would be too hard on me, so I shut their doors, turned on my fan from my bathroom and went to sleep. I did go in and check on the twins a few times when I woke up (and they weren't crying) and they were fine. And after 3 days i turned off the fan and opened my bedroom door, and I had no crying from that day forward. I would think the older your twins are when you do CIO the longer it might take, and if you go back to responding to any crying in the future they will regress back to waking up again.
    Now my philosophy is if there is crying at night, I give it a minute (unless its screaming, then I go check right away), I give teething meds as needed and lay them back down. Mine both have little blankies they like to cuddle at night (only allowed in their cribs), and they have a few toys in their cribs that I put in when I go to bed. perhaps you could try seperating them for a week or two and do CIO - I used our laundry room when I did CIO, as we didn't have another spare bedroom, even using a closet or bathroom, just to get a little distance between the crying of the kids might really help.

    Good luck whatever you decide to do : ) not sttn was the biggest thorn in my side from having kids! I obsessed about it for 8months with the twins, so I know it can be all-encompassing!


    I am so sorry you aren't getting full nights of sleep! If its any consolation, although my two sttn, I dont! I still worry that one will wake up, and I get worked up about being on-call 24/7!
     
  15. jjzollman

    jjzollman Well-Known Member

    Rachel,

    Definitely try the crib soother and/or the sippy of water. Maybe one of those will help a bit.

    I'm going to make a guess that the bottles are probably contributing to the problem. This is how I see it:

    Baby wakes up cries, cries, eventually goes back to sleep. Next night, baby wakes up, cries, cries, cries some more and has a bottle (and warm cuddle with mommy or daddy). Next two nights, same thing. Next night, wakes, cries, cries, goes back to sleep. Since the bottles are still there *sometimes* when they wake, they will probably continue to wake - looking for them, hoping for them, crossing their little fingers and toes in hopes that tonight will be a bottle night. So, they will probably continue to wake - off and on - as long as they are getting bottles - even occasionally - during the middle of the night.

    I know it won't be pretty - fun - enjoyable - easy - etc. - but honestly, maybe if you just toss out the bottles and the first few nights that they wake up and cry, go in and hand them their sippy of water and show them where it is in their crib, and leave the room. Even if they wake each other up (mine did this the first few nights after I realized I could not go in to soothe them back to sleep every hour), they will get used to the other one crying on occasion and they'll sleep through it.

    You've got to be feeling awful, 13 months of sporadic sleep is not good! I hope you can figure something out!! :hug:
     
  16. E&Msmom

    E&Msmom Well-Known Member

    Rachel,
    Macey was always a pretty good sleeper but not Everett. He didnt start sleeping well until I completely night weaned at 13 months.
    I agree with PP that you should cut all bottles during the night, Id even go as far as COLD TURKEY.
    Another thing I thought of is I know you work more than your partner. When the boys do all the waking up, who gets up with them and goes to give bottles/orajel/comfort etc? If its you, they may enjoy spending the time with you.

    When we did night weaning (to get our all nigt sleeper) we picked a few nights where my DH didnt have to go to work in the morning.
    We have a bedtime routine of dinner, baths, playtime, bedtime snack (so i KNEW they werent hungry) and then off to bed (with a sound machine & full sippies of ice cold water). We shut the door. Anytime he woke up during those 2 nights (thats all it took!) DH would go everytime and do the comforting. He would check his diaper, check his watercup, pat-shush-rock for a few minutes and then leave the room. I cant tell you how many times DH got up for 2 nights, but once Everett figured out there was no more milk and mommy wasnt coming he gave it up. We also put the kids to bed with the same 10 friends everynight (LOL I say "friends because thhey both have thier lovies, and favorite stuffed animals, blankets etc). Oh one more thing, Everett refuses to sleep without a pillow. Do your boys like pillows?

    Last piece I have that worked for us....this probably isnt a good practice but on the rare occasion mine wake at 5am its beause they are hungry. I give them a graham cracker or piece of cheese, tell them its still night-night time. They eat it and go back to bed.

    I hope you guys figure out something. I know once he started sleeping better, our WHOLE famiy slept so much better after almost 14 months of interrupted slumber.
     
  17. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    I don't have much to add... but I'm guessing for CIO if you only did it a couple nights each time that's probably why it didn't work. It only works if it's consistent, and if you've tried a few times but still gave in in the end, it might take longer each time... but unfortunately I'm not sure anything else would work. They will wake each other up though, probably nothing you can do about it... but if anything it will teach them both to fall asleep on their own at the same time. Mine are the same way and if I go in, it gets worse, so I just don't.

    If you're not willing to do that, I would definitely decrease the bottle one ounce at a time and eventually stop giving them a bottle altogether, but again I'm not sure if there is any other way than CIO.
     
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