CIO - How long is too long to cry?

Hi everyone, I tried doing CIO with my 9 month olds about a week ago. They fall asleep on their own, but they awake in the middle of the night to eat. Well, the first night, Ryan did okay and fell back to sleep after a few minutes of crying. Liam, however, cried for 1.5 hrs straight. And it wasn't just wimpering. It was full-out screaming. I went in to get him and he was panicked. I tried to rock him, but he still screamed until I gave in and nursed him. I haven't tried to do CIO since. I'm doubting myself, worrying that he is teething or is coming down with a cold, but it's just that I don't want a repeat experience of the first time.

So I'm wondering, WWYD? The boys have been waking up twice per night to eat for awhile now, so my original approach was to do a dreamfeed and then let them cry through the later feeding and then work the dreamfeed out of their schedule once they were doing okay with that. Now I'm doing the dreamfeed and then coming in if they awake for the other feeding (usually Liam wakes up and Ryan sleeps through). Should I just suck it up and let him cry, and if so, for how long? BTW, I know that he will get more upset if I do a Ferber thing and go in and check on him.

 

CIO is hard, but well worth it. I had to do the same with my boys for the middle of the night feed when they were about 8-9 months old. It took 2 nights and the first was the worst (because dh cheated and went in and gave them milk!) but after we all got back on the same page, the 2nd night they full on screamed for about an hour, but the 3rd night they didn't even wake up. I couldn't do any of the different CIO versions, either- no going in once I committed because that only made things worse. I would try it again but don't give in- I think that sends them the message that next time they have to cry for 2 hours instead of 1 1/2. Good luck!

 

Sorry I don't have any advice... I haven't gotten that far yet. But I was wondering, what is a dreamfeed? I have heard it mentioned here a few times. I am assuming it means wake them up to feed them, but just wondering when and why you do it, etc... Thanks and good luck.

 

My definition of a dreamfeed is to wake them up to feed them just before I go to sleep. My intent with it is to preempt their need to eat after I fall asleep.

 

I am no help on how long. I think you need to do what works for you. But I have read that being consistent is key. I know that if I went in to soothe, that would make it worse.

As for the dreamfeed question: A dreamfeed is when you feed the baby while they are still sleeping to tank them up with hopes that they wont wake because they are hungry. Lots of parents do them right before they go to bed.

 

Thanks. Good idea... maybe I will try that.

 

I don't think there is a definite answer on how long is too long. An hour & a half seems like a long time, especially if it's your baby that's crying. But I always found if I went in there, it made it worse, then it would be 2 hours. If I could just stick with it, the 2nd night would only be maybe 1/2 an hour, then less the next night. :hug: 's because I know it is so hard to hear them crying!

 

I'm sorry i don't have any experience with this as i still feed once in the night. We did CIO for bedtime and naps and at 9mths if they still wake to eat i wil do CIO and wont be going in. It is the hardest thing in the world to do but it is the quickest way for them to learn. (Obviously babies have to be in full health and fed well through the day)That is my plan anyway. Lots of luck whatever you decide to do.

 

1.5 hours sounds like so long! But he is 9 months old, and if beforethe crying starts you are okay with 1.5 hours then don't just keep talking to yourself and reminding yourself that he is safe in his crib and you are doing what's best for him. Everyone in your house needs sleep. That's what I used to do. I remember how difficult it was to do CIO in the middle of the night, that was the most challenging time. I think what I wound up doing is shutting their door and shutting my door and setting an alarm for 20 minutes to go check. If I had to listen to the crying I couldn't sleep and I couldn't help but go in so I shut the doors.

 

I had one DD sleeping through the night at 5 months but my other DD was another story. It wasn't until we dropped the third nap between 8-9 months that she started sleeping through the night. For another month after that she still woke up a few nights a week and for her typical 1-2 hours of crying, but eventually she just stopped. I think for two reasons, she got bigger (she is the smaller of the two) and because we dropped the third short nap.
We stopped feeding her during the night at around 6 months, so I knew she wasn't hungry just wide awake. Another small thing we did was put a toy in her crib. I hooked one of her stroller toys to the side of her crib and at night I think it comforted her. I would wake up to her jiggling it for a while and then nothing! She feel back asleep!

 

My son at 8 months had a crying out spell that lasted the first night for 2.5 hours. I went in every 10-15 minutes to reassure him (& myself) that both of us were okay.) He would fall asleep and then re-awake through out that time period. Each night it got better but it was TERRIBLE that first few nights. He is a great sleeper now...and I say you have to follow your heart and what you know is best for your little one. I wasnt ready to let him CIO b4 that....and now I am struggling with his sister at 13 months with the same issue...its stinks NO MATTER how old they are.....

Many Hugs!!

 

For my singleton, I went in each night and decreased the amount of time I nursed him. Basically he was nursing for 15 minutes for comfort. The first night, I went in and nursed for 12 minutes, then 10, and then 8. By that time, it wasn't worth it to him to wake up so he started sleeping through. I kept with the shorter time if he woke up. It really helped him transition off the boob.

 

I'm not really sure there is an answer to that. Like others have said the key to CIO is consistency. My kids never cried longer than 20 minutes at a time.

 

Thanks so much to everyone for your replies! Your responses gave me the guts to try again last night. Liam cried for about 40 minutes last night, which was not too bad. After about 15 minutes I realized that one of my problems is that just lying in bed listening makes the time seem at least twice as long. So I came downstairs and distracted myself on the internet. Another problem with the middle of the night is that I'm the only one who wakes up (thankfully), so I don't have anyone to give me a hug and tell me it's okay. I would feel terrible if I woke him up just to do that. The doctor said that the second night might be worse, so wish me luck! I will let you all know how it goes. Thanks again!

 

Good news to report this morning... the babies both slept till 6! I sure hope they keep this up! Thanks to everyone for your advice!

 

:yahoo:

 

:woo: