Nanny 911 HELP!

I honestly need Nanny 911 to come to my house and whip my behind for letting it get this far.

A little history if you please. Lauren & Mattie have always been terrible sleepers. I had to go back to work before they were 6 weeks old and DH and I went on auto pilot survival mode. We did whatever we had to to get sleep. This usually meant shifts and ending up dozing on the couch with one or both of them. As they got older, this turned into bringing them to bed with us and now me laying down with them when they go to sleep shok and ending up with them sometime in the night shok: :shok

I really really want to make their room a big girls room, but I KNOW they are not going to stay in their beds. How do I get them to lay down by themselves. I am not a fan of CIO. I never could do it and applaud those that can.

I realize that most of the problem is me, but I have accepted that. Does anyone have any non-CIO ways to transistion into teaching a 3 year old to go to sleep on their own?

 

You could do the Supernanny method, although it does involve some CIO. She has the parents establish a bedtime routine - ie, bath, brush teeth, pajamas, a bedtime story, kiss goodnight. Kids go in their beds, no laying down with them. When the kids try to get up, the first time you say "It's time for bed" (or something similar), in a firm voice. After that, no talking, minimal eye contact, just march them right back to bed (pick them up if you have to), and plop them in bed. Do not go in for whining and crying. You may have to sit in their room to do this, I've had to do it on occasion when the bedtime antics have gotten extremely out-of-hand (getting in each other's beds, pulling down curtains) and all I have to do is sit there and point for them to get back in bed with a stern look on my face. You also might want to give them a new lovey or even a t-shirt of yours (mine each sleep with one of my old shirts) to help with the transition.

Good luck!

 

I don't know if this will help you or not and I don't know if what we did is any different than the CIO, but I thought I would share. I always thought CIO was where you just left them to cry without going back in (assuming they are safe and you just let them cry for however long it took). I read the supernanny book and she calls her technique the controlled crying technique. I was comfortable with it because I could go back in and pat them on the back and comfort them somewhat, but just not pick them up, make no eye contact and don't speak to them.

Once again, not sure if this might be something you would consider, but I thought I would throw it out there.

 

I also created bad habits with my kids for going to sleep, (i.e holding them,rocking them to fall asleep as babies, then letting them fall asleep in the lving room and carry them to bed when they were older. Terrible I know!)
So, what I have done is put them to bed in their room/bed, and I will read a couple of books. During this time they wind down enough, that when I leave the room they will hopefully not get up and play . . which has worked well. I started out having to just leave the room for a minute or two. My DD might cry and I would go back and tell her its bed time and mommy is cleaning/doing laundry/dishes, etc. I would have to go back every couple of minutes to check on her and let her know I was there. Eventually I worked my way up to 10-15 minutes before I would go back and check on them, and now I just leave and they go to sleep, if they arent already asleep before I leave the room.

This practice actually stemmed from me sitting in the room with them until they were all asleep, and I just couldnt do it. Sitting in a dark room made me sleepy and I didnt get anything done at night. So I decided to just read books and then leave, and go back and check on them. This was discussed in another post a couple of months ago and thats when I decided I would do it. And Im sooo glad I did.
HTH! Goodluck.

 

EXACTLY. Except I am laying down, which usually leads to me falling asleep. :blush: I know I am going to be met with resistance on this because now when we go to bed, they will tell me lay down and pat the bed. When I don't the tears start immediately.

Are they in the same room? Do they sleep in the same bed? Do you sit between their beds and read the book? Sorry for all the questions.

 

In their "big girl room" what kind of beds will there be? One full size? two twins? Have they ever slept together without you? Do they want their own big bed, or maybe one big bed like mommy and daddy's? Have you talked to them about getting big girl beds and being big girls in those beds?

If you work outside the home, why not lay down with them until they fall asleep. I do and feel like it is our special time together.
My girls sleep with their heads of opposite ends of a twin bed. We sit on the bed and read two stories then they lay down and I lay down beside them. They have always fallen right to sleep, and they are asleep within minutes of lying down. Then I get up. I really enjoy that close time with them.
I think that one thing that helps is that we have a very small house and they know I'm always near. We never had any need for a baby monitor because our house is so small it's only 5 steps from my bed to theirs. There's no door on their room and I rarely close mine. It also helps that I don't have to do housework or anything after they go to bed, I usually just read or work on the computer in my bedroom until I'm ready to sleep myself (though sometimes I go to sleep by 9).

 

All four of mine are actually in the same room in their own beds.(rather than having two in each room with toys everywhere, we have the beds in one room, so the other is all toys) My almost 3yr old sometimes will lay on the floor next to her bed, (wierd kid), but I sit near the door, or kind of in between all the beds. (where I can see the books using the hall light)
If your girls cry if you dont lay down, then that it the first step. You will definitely have to take baby steps if you dont want to do full-blown CIO. Rather than lay down, you might just want to sit next to them and rub their backs (if they are in their own beds, put them close enough that you can reach them both with each arm) Even if they cry, you have to take the first step to getting them to go to sleep by themselves. At least you are right there for reassurance so they dont feel abandoned/neglected or anything like that.
You may have to start out sitting between the beds, and ocassionally patting their backs, and then no patting, then move further away from them while you're reading, etc etc and just take baby steps to get out of the room. (I think thats another technique nanny uses; where you are in the room but move closer to the door each night) If you cant make the progress each night, try every couple of days or a week, at least it will be progress and you are TRYING to get them to sleep like big girls.
My DD actually did a lot better than I anticipated. It only took a couple of days of me leaving right after story time, and she wasnt crying anymore. I would go check on them and she was fine, laying down going to sleep within a week. I was soo shocked! She did cry for me the first couple of days, but she adapted well.
Feel free to ask any other questions. I know you will feel great once you start seeing that they are not crying and you are able to get out of the room with minimal drama.

 

Melissa, I :wub: you! You get it. My DH doesn't. I do work outside the home and when I get home I have 3 hours with them which include dinner, baths, and bed. I love snuggling with them and they love it too!

Part of my decisions are based solely on whether I get them twin beds or a bigger bed. Right now they sleep on a pulled out futon in the playroom together. :blush: It is incredibly uncomfortable. They sleep together now after I get up. We read a book and all three lay down. Daddy tucks us in and we say our prayers and they fall asleep. I have tried to talk to them about sleeping by themselves in their own beds and they say they don't want to. They are happy just as they are. But I want them to have a real room.

 

Thanks Amy! That sounds like a great plan. I need to talk it over with DH and see how supportive he is going to be in this endeavor. I would really like for them to sleep in their own beds because that is one less habit to break later down the road. I have a friend whose boys are 9 and one climbs into bed with the other and the other one hates it.

 

From the way you write this... are you sure you actually have a problem? The futon might be uncomfortable for you, but kids are different (no bones ) and it might be totally fine for them. (Amy napped happily in a PNP until she was over 3, and only gave it up when she got too tall -- the flimsy "mattress" never seemed to bother her.)

I can understand wanting them to have a "real room" someday. But while I do see your concern about not letting this habit continue for too long, you might find, if you just wait it out, that someday they'll decide on their own that they're ready for new beds. And it will be a LOT easier to transition if they think it was their idea.

 

A little update from last night. We all went to bed like normal and I climbed in with them for some snuggle time and I told them to pig out 2 books. I read the two books, and said our prayers. I then got up to cut off the little lamp and just sat on the bed. Minimal tears from them, but it took them forever to go to sleep. As in almost 2 HOURS!! :shok: I guess I will do the same tonight and hopefully the time that it takes them to knock out will be less? ardon:

 

Keep it up Brandy. They will adapt.

We did the Supernanny method like Kelly explained above. I started out on the floor in their room when we did the transition to the big boy beds. It does work if you are consistent. Then we went on vacation and had to stay in the rooms with them until they fell asleep. So now we are working to get back to normal again. We are currently sitting in their room after we do a routine and waiting for them to settle enough to walk out. Then we leave and they get up and we take them back to bed. It's usually only a couple of times that they come back out. So it works. Hang in there.