Bedrest Frustrations

I've been on bedrest for almost 8 weeks now due to a shortened cervix. I feel happy to have made it to 29 weeks tomorrow, but it hasn't been without a struggle, one that continues on. DH and I have a 20 month old son who is very active with a lot of energy. Since I am on strict bedrest, DH has to pretty much do everything when he is not working - taking care of DS and the house. During the week we have a nanny who watches DS (I'm still working from home). When the nanny is around and taking care of DS, I am totally at ease. Everything runs so smoothly when she is around, she is able to do some of our housework (laundry, etc.) and keep the house clean. In the evenings and on the weekends when DH is in charge, it's a completely different story. It's like total chaos. He doesn't know how to take care of DS AND do other things at the same time (e.g. dishes) so the house gets torn apart pretty quickly. And he couldn't care less. It is so frustrating because I have to ask him to do everything - like empty the dishwasher, put clothes away, etc. and then he gets resentful because 'I'm constantly telling him what to do.' Why should I even have to ask?? On top of this, I also have to ask him to bring me things, like breakfast, and that contributes to how demanding I am apparently. Good god, I am carrying twins, on complete bedrest, with a new diagnosis of gestational diabetes and asking for food and water is apparently too much. I feel like a prisoner.

I understand that DH is tired. On several occasions on the weekends I have arranged for help - someone to come in for a few hours to watch DS so DH can get a break. But that doesn't seem to matter. For the last two weeks, my Mom has been here helping us out. She's gone now and honestly I think DH got a little spoiled. He's back to having to do everything. This is just not a sustainable situation for us. Meanwhile, I am just itching to get up and do the dishes, but it is a major moral conflict. I can't do anything to harm the babies I'm carrying. I just can't. But that also means I have to settle for a lot of things that do or don't happen.

The kicker is that DH has started this new thing lately where he says I don't even say "please" when I ask for something. First, that is simply not true. And second, why should I even have to ASK for half the things I have to ask for? I have to ASK him to change DS's diaper because he can't think of it himself. I have to ask him to get DS's lunch ready. I have to ASK him to refill the paper towel roll because it's been sitting there empty for days. This is all stuff I would naturally do myself if the situation were reversed.

I'm so frustrated with this experience. It is making me very nervous to think what life is going to be like with newborn twins and a toddler. DS thinks he has it tough now. After the babies are born, he's going to have to work even harder. And I have no idea what kind of shape I'm going to be in, after having been on bedrest for over three months. We're not going to have very much help. I feel like I am trapped with no end to the stress in sight.

 

:hug: Vent away girl, u have every right to! i cant imagine having already been on bedrest so long and still having so far to go, especially with such a young DS. Sometimes i'm afraid my DH is getting resentful having to do everything and i feel bad, but when u are on strict bedrest there really is no alternative. I also fear what kinda condition i'm going to be in when the twins arrive, and i will only have been on bedrest just over 2 months by the end. You can do it momma, keep positive! :hug:

 

I'm so sorry you've had to be on bedrest for so long. WAY TO GO!!!
I've been on bedrest for 5 weeks, the first 2 on modified bedrest and lately I feel EXACTLY the same way as you do when it comes to my husband doing stuff around the house. Like I should be so eternally grateful for him doing a half a*s job at doing SOME of the chores around the house and about 80-90% of the time I have to ask him to do them. Then I just get a roll of the eyes. Like I'm not doing anything at all, like I'm not horribly uncomfortable. The worst part is watching other people entertain my 2yr old. I wish I could get up and play with him, and sometimes my husband makes it seem like it is just to much to start some laundry AND play with our son.
UGH!!!! :grr:
We women are definetly the stronger sex. These men have no idea what is ahead of them.
You are doing so good by even getting to 29 weeks. Your awesome, and YOU CAN DO IT!!!

 

Ok...first of all here is a great big ole hug for you!

I went on bedrest at 5 weeks due to hemmoraging....I stayed there until the boys were delivered at 33 weeks and 1 day. I was in and out of the hospital 12 times and had to have 4 bloodtransfusions. With that being said, I couldn't do ANYTHING around the house...just as you can't. I know it is very very very hard. My husband had lived at home all of his 38 years and was TOTALY clueless on how to do ANYTHING....we don't have anyone to clean or do laundry so that fell in his lap. He didn't do things they way that I wanted them done, but they either got done by him or I did them after the babies were born ....or a few things that I used to do will get done again when they go to college! :lol:

You really have to pick and choose your battles with him. ONLY ask him for things that you need for you or your son, the household stuff will just have to wait, it is great that you have your Nanny to help out. Think of this a HUGE short term problem, that will be a distant memory in a matter of weeks! You have done a great job in be for 8 whole weeks! I remember counting the weeks, and it felt like a lifetime! I know this is hard, but try and enjoy these last few weeks with your babies!

Please feel free to vent to us anytime at all!!

:hug:

 

I just went on bed rest a week ago and like you did, I have many weeks ahead of me. But i understand how you feel. You sort of loose your independence and have to rely on others and it is frustrating. Unlike you tho, our son is 13yrs old so that is one less huge worry. My husband is good tho. He does try his best. Yes, unfortunately things may not get done in the time frame that I would do it or maybe the way I would do it, but its his way and for now I have to accept that. Sometime I too have to ask him to get me something to eat or drink and feel like a burden but I try not to stress out and just relax for my to boys!!! Hang in there tho. You are almost there. I still have fears since im sooo early & theres really no chance of survival for my boys should something happen now. Good luck!!

 

Vent here anytime. :hug: Bedrest is not easy. :hug:

 

:hug: Bedrest is one of those things that people don't understand unless they have dealt with it. I had so many people tell me how lucky I was that I got to "lay around" all the time when I was pregnant with my boys. They don't understand how physically and emotionally draining it is. Add on top of that having other kids at home and a hubby how is balking at having extra work to do, and, that all compounds the stress you are going through!

Vent away. It is so tough.

 

Ditto. I spent 15 weeks on bedrest and it was SO hard. I just had to deal with things not being done exactly how I wanted them done. That was actually a good lesson for becoming a mom for the first time! DH takes great care of the kids, he just doesn't do things exactly like I would do them.

Hugs to you. I don't have any great advice. I went through a ton of bedrest and know how very hard it is, but I cannot even begin to imagine having a little one on top of it.

 

I am just joining in here, today is first day of bedrest and I am at the hospital. I have been thinking--maybe it is better that I just stay here until I deliver b/c hospitals may be boring and ridgid but I am not forced to look around with a house deteriorating by DH and toddler...my daughter is 22 months and I so COMPLETELY relate to what you are saying. When I go home she will go to daycare 3-4 days a week and DH will work shorter hours to be around more to watch her. I know the house is going to fall to pieces. I am thinking about hiring a maid for 1 day of deep cleaning a week and maybe 1-2 days of short pick up in the evenings. I don't want to spend the money but DH just cannot multi-task! So hang in there mama and know that I feel your pain (even w/o yet being in your boat...I know what awaits me!)