Body image issues with twins

It may hurt but peoples views in society are nasty and we cant let their own idiotic thoughts hurt us as they say them to make themselves feel better and its unfair!

I was picked on from year 7-9 then i hit my growth spurt and it stopped because my body changed and what the bulles were saying I believed like they always said I was stupid I believed until I realised "Hey im topping things someone stupid couldnt do that" and I stopped listening to it because it made them feel good for me to lower myself to what they thought I was.

I hope that one day you will feel strong enough to just tell them to back off as it isnt fair that you are treated that way!

I think everyone is beautiful no matter what they look like, if everyone in society was like that it would be a better place! As long as we are happy with the way we look we shouldnt let others make us feel bad. its our lives not theirs!

 

Thanks. for that. i know it does hurt. and i become more nervous when people make comments cause i feel my CP is noticable. I think i will become stronger as i have gotten older. I know that all the harassment from HS wont completely go away, but i look back now and say it someways it doesnt matter now.. i got through HS and thats all that matters.. I probably wont see those idiots ever again.

Alisha was saying i need to get over the whole thing about guys and how they view me.. She thinks its weird.. and i think she thinks i dont "see guys in the normal way". If u know what i mean? Thats crazy.. but its a long process i think. Alisha has a better relationship with guys then i do. she related to them more than me, even when we were younger she played sports with them and had more guy friends than she did girlfriends. Whereas i was the one in the music room playing piano and stuff at lunch times because all the guys knew i couldnt play sport very well. I did have a couple guy friends in primany school that stuck up for me.. but none really at high school. Alot of teenagers are cruel at HS i think.. Im not saying everyone.. but u get my point. I think its your past exprience that contruibe to what you are like when you get older.

Sorry im talking about how guys view me again , but then again all the harassment and comments came from them and made me feel uncomtable about myself. :blush:

 

I know there is nothing that I can say that will make up for how you were treated and it wasnt fair, but I hope in your future that people will look past it because you are an amazing girl and deserve to be happy!! :hug:

 

The experiences you and Alisha had are very different when it concerns guys so it is not strange that you view them (guys)differently as well. Ofcourse your past experiences have contributed to who you are. I know my own self-esteem issues and insecurities still come from all the past experiences even if they have been years ago.

There is no time limit to deal with these comments and harassment, hopefully though you can work on it and not feel so uncomfortable with yourself. :hug:
There is no reason to feel that way. In my opinion your a great girl and absolutely deserve to be happy! Don't settle for anything less than the best, the best being someone who will love and respect you for who you are, not someone who feels the need to change you! :hug:

Edited to say: it is interesting to see how alot of the girl twins here have had similar experiences in school with teasing/harassment and comments people made.
I do think this is something that is more common in twins than in singletons.

 

Is it also more common that only one of the twins has been dealing with those issues? I just had a fight with my twin, she's got her boyfriend over and she decided to change the plans for tomorrow which I am not very happy about because now I won't get to hang out with my friends so that she gets to spend more time with her boyfriend. I understand that when you are in a relationship you have to spend time with your boyfriend and stuff but its not fair to completely dismiss your other friends. I always try and invite her to stuff with our girl friends but she is so antisocial these days its really annoying. Or maybe I'm just overreacting because I wish she would spend more time with me... Anyways that's my rant for the night. Sorry guys

 

It has not been in my experience, both me and my sister have experienced these issues.
That must be frustrating though about your sister. Maybe it would help to just explain to her how you feel and also let her know that she shouldn't dismiss all of her friends. It might just be that she hadn't realised that she has been ignoring them?
Sorry you are feeling this way though :hug:

I have had friends who acted the same way and it annoyed the heck out of me. It is not like the guy was dismissing all of his friends so why should she(my friend)?
I also think it is very important to still keep your own friends and your own girl nights (or in his case guys nights) It is very important to no isolate yourselves if you are dating someone. After all what if you break up or something? I do think friends are very important to me and anybody that I would date needs to respect that I will want my time with my friends.
The key is to find a balance with the boyfriend and the friends.

 

Rant away, it helps to not keep it bottled up.


I have had that happen with my two bestfriends one whos male other female, I introduced them and then a few months later they were together even though I didnt like it because I knew what would happen I told them I knew they were going to ditch me, they both said "Nah Nah" and it happend, I told the girlfriend I wasn't happy about it, bottled my feelings for 6 months without seeing them as they have become antisocial, one day she messaged me saying they will come see me and I lost it at them over it.
Don't bottle your feelings Mel talk to her about it now, just my 2 cents

Good luck

 

Thanks guys!!! I did talk to her about it last night and she ended up changing her mind and coming with me this morning which was good . She compromised, decided to hang with me this morning and go out with him tonight.

Back to the body image issue though. I heard something this morning which i thought might be helpful. Although sometimes we may be bullied by others and it is hard to get over, if we allow it to mess with us we are letting them win. Rather than listening to what people say about us we should talk positive into our situations. 'We should stop listening to ourselves and talk to ourselves'thats what this guy said this morning and I thought it was interesting. I have done it so many times, listening to circumstances and dwelling on bad things, but when we start to speak positive things, like telling yourself you are beautiful and stuff it really helps you feel confident and I believe that confidence is a great asset. Sometimes people think you're inferior because you act inferior. If you act confident, if you love yourself it is a lot easier for other people to love you too. When I was growing up I used to be popular as a little girl because I was cute and I had a twin and we were fun. Then I grew up, and I lost my cute little girl looks and I felt inferior. I lost my popularity and went into my shell. Since then it's been a struggle to overcome that and start loving myself again. It took most of highschool to get over it, I survived by my academic achievements, the 'cool' people needed me to help them sometimes. Now I am so much better, I love myself, I am happy with who I am and I have lots of awesome friends. When I look in the mirror now I don't see what I used to see, I actually believe I am beautiful. My little sister laughs at me when I dance in front of the mirror and look at myself because there was a time I hated that mirror. You are beautiful girlies!!! Believe it

 

I'm glad things worked out for you Mel

I have to agree with everything you said for the second part, we should love who we are and not worry about what other people think as its us who should be happy in our own skins

 

I see the forums kinda dying out besides a few threads, but I'm new here and a female twin. I would say we DEFINITELY have body image issues. It all started in Jr. High when my twin started to gain weight. I was much more active and interested in health than her. I believe now that it was due to her depression. I separated from her to "be an individual" and while I was thriving she was miserable. People did call me the "pretty twin" or the "skinny twin" a lot because I was interested in makeup and working out.

I have mostly been smaller than her but our weight fluctuates quite a bit, so at times she was thinner. Now, we both talk about our weight together and try to match each other. It sounds strange to others, but we're happier when we're the same size (probably due to the fact that people around us will compare, even if they don't mean harm).

 

The amount of activity in these forums fluctuates a lot. Because there are so few of us, if most of us happen to be busy at the same time things tend to slow down. If you post people will eventually reply.

 

There would be a group of about 10 or so who really take part in the forum wouldnt there??

We do eventually respond, although I spend way to much time on here at the moment :blush:

 

I think there are 8 of us at the moment plus a handful that post once in a long while.

 

Or the ones who "legally" shouldn't be in this side of the forum for another couple of months, although the younger ones not really used by anyone where this one has some good conversations

 

For the most part the following people post here (in no particular order):

Brenda
Gerda
Adrian
Joyce
Kendra
Tamara
Codie
Richard (me )

Anybody else?

Then there are those that post on occasion.

There would be even less activity in here if you didn't.

 

Yep that is it really. But the conversations are amusing, I am sure you will like it here to

 

I already do!

 

I'm a fraternal twin, and my brother was always taller and stronger. We look nothing alike, but people constantly compare us when we are together. Many times people don't believe that we are twins, but our parents loved the novelty factor of showing us off to strangers because the differences are so striking. Unfortunately, I always felt like the loser. We are both guys, and being the weaker twin really, really sucks. I don’t have any choice in the matter, we just got different genes. We're now 37, but I won't go near my twin except unless absolutely necessary in order to avoid comparisons. Alone, I'm perfectly normal, decent looking, and well proportioned. I’ve run marathons and served in the Marine Corps, but next to my twin I still feel horrible. The hardest part is that my twin really enjoys his physical dominance, and uses it to his advantage at every opportunity. The end result is that I have a deep hatred for him, but paradoxically I still wish we could be close, I just know we will always be arch-rivals and competitors. The hyper-comparisons that twins suffer cannot be fully understood by a non-twin.

 

I am sorry that you feel this way about your brother! Do you think your views would ever change? It sounds like you have a pretty good life and have done a fair amount of wonderful things. I understand you on the non twins do not understand about the comparisons of twins. It does suck.


Must say this is an old thread!!

 

Welcome! I'm sorry you've had so many issues with the comparisons, unfortunately I think it's far too common among twins.

 

This thred has been really useful and interesting. A comparison between myself and my sister was a huge factor (for me) in the development of my own eating disorder. Being the older twin (by 3 minutes) I identified as the fat twin etc. having dealt with my eating disorder I have become aware that I have gradually distanced myself from her, being alone is much easier and I’m much more confident. Based on my own experiences I am training to be a counsellor, I believe that such issues of comparison and competition need to be addressed by therapists in their work with twins else the anxiety will remain and the relationship continue suffer.

 

My brother and I used to be compared quite a bit when we were younger, especially in middle school. We both had long hair in high school and I eventually shaved my head to seperate our appearances. We spent around two years looking very much not alike, but ended with identical hair and beards eventually. I think that because we spent some time looking fratenal, it lets us be much more good narured about comparisons now.
One thing interesting is that when we both got into physical fitness we pusued diferent styles of exercise, so we compare gains and changes in appearance regularly. We're a little bit competitive about it, but it definitely helps keep the two of us motivated.

 

Welcome marblehouse! Sounds like you have a healthy competition going between each other. What sports do you do?

 

Me and my twin are identical females, we're now 24 and still have major body hang ups as a result of constant comparison. Just this week I saw my dad and stepmom for the first time in a while and the first thing I heard is 'Alex you've lost weigh(, I'm comparing you to your sister and you look so thin, you've lost your bust.'
It made me majorly depressed, firstly me and My twin have never been exactly the same weight and both of us are slim. As an adult she has always had a fuller figure but people expect that we must look exactly the same. While it is true that I have lost a little weight lately, I believe that people wouldn't voice it so much if I wasn't being compared to my twin or if I wasn't expected to be exactly the same.

And it isn't just weight, it's true, to defrenciate us people often point out all of our flaws like 'yes that one has a larger nose, a taller forehead, more crooked teeth, a spot there,' (yes we've heard it all) without really thinking how much it upsets us.

Again the media would have is believe that there is no difference between identical twins and that there must be an evil one, a smart one, a pretty one. It really bothers me.

Does anyone we get really annoyed when someone says to them..
'are you twins?' ..... 'you're not exactly the same though.'
Alex xx

 

I get annoyed when somebody says that to me and even more annoyed when they continue by saying that we should be interested in different things. Apart from them wanting us to be both the same and be different at the same time, it also annoys me that they think we should base our interests on a stranger's (often bizarre) opinions.

 

Ditto on Richard. Luckily we don't get that much anymore, I handled it better than Brenda, she hated it when people compared us or made comments like that. We deliberately changed our looks in university (she's blonde and I'm brunette now, we both dye our hair). Now the "new" look fit so perfectly with our different personalities, I can't imagine looking exactly like her again. That said, when we do get together and people see us, we still get the comments, but I think it bothers us less now, because we feel more like individuals.

High school was a terror and I think being a twin (especially female) brings a lot of body image problems and awareness, because the smallest "flaws" are picked out because there is someone else to compare you with.

 

It's a hard life being an identical twin. I have a bigger nose and more crooked teeth and I've always been convinced that my twin is prettier than me. I make my own life hell with it really.
Ever since I was younger everybody called me the evil twin and it has effected my self esteem as an adult. I'm convinced that she must look nicer than me because people say it as soon as they meet us based on our looks. Convinced that I must have an evil face and therefore be less pretty. If I was a male twin I'm sure I wouldn't care but as a female I just feel like I am like my twin, but she is more perfect.

 

I get what you say, It does get better later I believe (or for us it did - now the image issues are non-existant). In our case I was always the twin with more cheeks so automatically they called me fatter (even though we weighed exactly the same) - we still do most of the time (which is strange, I think we also prefer weighing the same) Although my sister is pregnant now so probably doesn't apply now (but she is really one of the beautiful pregnant woman I’ve seen, so gives me hope for when it’s going to be me – Don’t worry Adrian and Richard, that is still a couple of years away )


There are other comments that bothered Brenda again and it really starts sticking when multiple people comment on it (and it's only your parents telling you it's not like that - you tend to believe all the stranger's opinions). I went through quite a rough patch in High School (not my proudest moment), and Bren in her first year of university, so the comments affected both of us. I think it helps us that we live different lives and are doing our "own" thing now. We have different careers and goals and that does help to take us out of the twin type cast and people don't compare us as easily as they used to, and we gained confidence in our own successes. I think the break through moment was that we stopped comparing ourselves, in the end if you don't then the comments won't bother you, but it takes time and your own conclusions to get to that point.

Some things will always stick, like we don't like being in photos together, which is silly I know, but why give more opportunity for people to compare us?

I do think we as twins have one benefit above singletons, all these type of struggles makes us stronger. There is no other person I’m as close to as Bren, we might live different lives now, but we are each other’s first support.

I've seen your videos Naomi and you are both very beautiful in your own unique way

 

How many cheeks do you have then? I only have two

Brenda claimed the same thing

 

Two, Nice puffy ones

I know, but also with marriage you said the same thing and I waited a lot longer with that as well, so you can trust me in this, CP and I tend to take a very long time to make decisions, especially life changing ones I'm the thinker and in-my-head one, Bren is the free, emotional one that goes with her heart, which is a good thing in my opinion in some ways.

 

But Brenda also has two and you said you had more than her

That's true. I trust you

 

Listen to what I mean and not what I say

 

I am 26. Mi sister Sara and me are identical twins, same hobbies, slept in the same room til 2 years ago, same career, same goals and so on.
Its very interesting to read that more people had the bullying and isolation problems at school because my sister and me suffered a lot at school and camp too, we were isolated, insulted and treated as "freaks". Many years passed by I am still trying to understand why, the main reason is probably that we look almost same but also I came with another idea, I'm thinking maybe we twins unconsciously isolate ourselves from other people (I mean, we have the perfect partnet, put twin, so we don't need other people) and this makes people feel uncomfortable and rejected, so they attack us.
About the body image issues... I think being twins definitely affects us in how we see ourselves and self esteem and so on. Our parents never compared us, but people definitely did and still do. I have always been the "smallest" one, more slim too and look younger than her, but also... she has been always the social one, the "sexiest" one, more exrovert, louder voice, stronger character, nicer body... so I have always been the shy, zero social skills, unconfident one, when we went out together guys never chose me first. It doesnt mean I am ugly, just, if she was there, they always looked at her, listened to her and so on... so I have alwas felt invisible when we are together:/.
This definitely made my self esteem very low and I am still figthing with it,,,
Oh.. and I really really hate when people say comments like "are you twins??? oh... so... if I punch her, you feel the pain too? or maybe she doesnt feel and you feel it? do you?" "cann you read her toughts?"... I mean I have a twin sister but we are humans, not alien...(._.)